I was talking with a friend this morning and saying that I wish that all of my relationships could just be ‘consistent.’ The problem is that people really aren’t consistent. Things happen and to expect everyone to stay the same just because you want them to is not realistic. Of course the main problem is that people with bipolar disorder need such incredible consistency in every way in order to even come close to stability. I do work hard to have people in my life who love and respect me, but sometimes even those people change due to outside circumstances. They get into new relationships and our friendship changes. They have health problems and work problems. I do know that one thing I can do is remain as honest and consistent as possible so that I can handle this stuff a bit better. I can be aware of what others do that upsets me and [ Read More ]
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I simply could not work yesterday. I kept having mood swings that just wore me out. I sat in front of my computer and had trouble focusing. It’s so sad and frustrating to see how bipolar gets in the way of my work life. I want to work. I often enjoy working. And yet, when I’m depressed it feels impossible. I stick to it though. Even if I only do a small amount, I often make myself work. Today is different. I sat down in front of my computer and just started working like a normal person. Does this happen to you? I hate it. What is going on in our brains when this happens? Is the ability to work effectively really just a process of brain chemicals? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. How can I bypass my faulty wiring and actually accomplish something? I have a lot of tools I use [ Read More ]  Talk to your health care professional when changing any of your bipolar meds. [ Read More ] I often get waves of worry, sadness and despair when I’m depressed. It’s different than low level depression. These waves are intense and can happen at really odd times. I seem to have a lot of them when I’m getting in my car and going somewhere. It’s as though my brain is telling me I won’t have fun or that something is going to happen on the way to seeing someone or going to an event. I also get these when I’m sitting and watching a movie at home. They really upset me because they happen so fast. I often start to cry or feel fear that someone is trying to hurt me. This can really put a damper on a possibly positive situation. I’ve learned to say no to these waves. I say, “I’m not going to listen to this. I’m not going to let this ruin my day! There is nothing wrong and [ Read More ] My coauthor John is an amazing man. He has helped me more than words can say- it’s great that I get to have a coauthor who is an expert on bipolar disorder. I can get his help with the illness as I’m writing the books. I recently asked him his opinion on the best way to prevent depression. Here is what he said: Stay active (both socially and physically), keep away from drugs that cause depression (especially alcohol and tranquilizers), maintain adequate sleep, develop a attitude of compassion for yourself…(depressed people are often excessively hard on themselves even between depressive episodes)… give yourself permission to be an ordinary human, with all of the short comings we have as a member of the human race. He is so right! I know that the problem is it’s hard to do most of this when you’re depressed, but it is possible. We have to keep trying forever. Julie I’m currently writing a book on depression. It has been slow going because I deal with this darn mood swings all day and then when I don’t have mood swings I don’t feel like working! It’s a difficult thing to balance. That is for sure. I tend to put things off- it’s my regular writing style, but when I put it off too much I don’t get to enjoy the good days like I want to. I know that planning ahead is better in terms of this illness. I always laugh when people tell me I need more balance in my life. Of course I do! I just can’t always get it. Few people with bipolar disorder are truly balanced without a lot of help. Julie
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