Prevent the Holiday Blues
The holidays are a great time to visit with family and friends, exchange presents, look at beautiful lights and eat delicious food. Unfortunately, they can also be a very stressful and depressing time for people with a mental illness and their family members. As a person with bipolar disorder, I often have trouble with the holidays. This is why I plan my day’s way in advance to make sure I minimize stress and increase my enjoyment.
Do you have a plan for the holidays yet? No matter what you celebrate- now is a good time to really think where you want to be and what you want to do during the last few weeks of the year.
The following ideas can help:
Holidays have the reputation for being jolly, family oriented, exciting times. People are often on vacation and families who haven’t seen each other in a while get together. Because of this, there is naturally a built in expectation that a person has to be happy this time of the year. This is not always the case with bipolar disorder is it? If a person doesn’t have close family or a place to go- the holidays can intensify this and make a person very sad. Television and movies don’t help. When I watch the holiday commercials with all of the parties and gorgeous looking people I start to think- they are having so much more fun that I am! This isn’t necessarily true, but it feels real. This is one reason I don’t watch much television!
In terms of loneliness, there is a group called meetin.org that has holiday events. There are many people who want to be with others during the holidays- it just takes some planning to find them and create a good experience.
Feeling Overwhelmed
For others, the frantic pace of the holidays can cause stress and an overwhelmed feeling that can lead to hopelessness and sadness. You may ask yourself- I have such a great family, why can’t I just have fun like everyone else? Or I have so much to be thankful for, why am I unhappy when it’s such a great time of the year? You can experience a lot of guilt because of these feelings and family members may not understand at all. This is when I suggest that you plan to do a lot less way ahead of time – you can then warn family and friends that in order to stay sane and happy, you are letting everyone else decorate, plan and cook.
You still have a few weeks to decide what is realistic for you. Remember, as I always talk about in my work, you have to treat bipolar disorder first. Even before the holidays .A friend of mine decided last week that she’s not decorating the outside of her house for the first time in 10 years. She felt guilty as she has an 11 year old son, but there is no doubt that he would prefer a stress free mom who has time to actually enjoy the holidays instead of one who is so stressed that nothing is really fun.
Suicide
The holiday season is the number one time for suicide for people with bipolar disorder and depression. If you have suicidal thoughts or have a history of suicide attempts, now is the time to make sure you are well protected and loved during the holidays. In fact, this is essential. I always remind people that suicidal thoughts are normal when you have a mental illness. The holidays are so stressful for some, that the thoughts just start raging. If this sounds true for you, what do you need to do right now to make sure you stay safe? Call your doctor? Talk with a friend? Talk to family members? Create a plan for yourself you can use if or when the thoughts begin? There are options. You have to start planning now.
A Set Schedule
I know that I have to be so careful and make sure I know exactly what I will do on Christmas Eve, Christmas day and New Year’s as I will not stay well if I’m alone. Luckily I have family and friends who understand- at least they try to. They know I don’t do presents- except for my little nephew. I stopped giving and getting presents over eight years ago and don’t regret it! I never cook either! I keep away from busy stores and work on my mental health daily. It’s not fair, but I’ve learned that the depression can be really bad if I don’t do these things. I like it when my mom and friends decorate and I try to spend as much time with them as possible. I do love to be in festive settings- I just can’t create them myself. If you decide to do something similar this year, expect it to be hard on others at first, but they will definitely happy if you’re happier!
The New Year
And finally- the rituals around New Year’s Eve can magnify what didn’t happen the year before- such as still being single or not having the stability you need to work. (Sound familiar?) So many people have goals for a year and yet they don’t get it done. Facing this all on one day can be pretty tough. This can be prevented by saying to yourself – I did my best this year. 2008 is a new year. The past is the past and I learn from it! I am proud for what I have accomplished.
You can do this as soon as you finish this newsletter. No matter what did or didn’t happen this year, you can have a great holiday season. You have a few weeks to get ready- I hope you have a lot of fun.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Julie A. Fast best selling author of Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder and Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder is a critically acclaimed six-time author, award winning bipolar disorder advice columnist, national speaker, and sought after expert in the fields of bipolar disorder and depression. Julie’s work specializes in helping people manage all aspects of their daily lives -despite the complications that bipolar disorder creates. To learn how to personalize a plan to help yourself or a loved one find and create stability that ensures the quality of life that we all deserve, visit: http://www.bipolarhappens.com
