I did my radio show this afternoon. It was on parents of children with a mental illness. I had an amazing interview with Don Moore, a man whose daughter has schizophrenia. I have learned so much from doing the show. I have also known stress unlike any stress I have felt before!
I am simply worn out- It’s about 8PM my time and all I can think of doing is going to sleep. I am SO not used to this that I’m not sure if it’s even normal. Bipolar ‘worn out’ is so different- when you’re depressed or have just come out of a mood swing, the tiredness is weariness and unhappiness.
This is just feeling tired I think. There is a difference between stress from reality and stress from an illness.
If this even makes any sense! Now that I am able to work more in the real world- I am experiencing things that are unfamiliar.
Julie
Work – I can work!
I just created a new health card for the radio show. It has really changed my life so much I have to find a way to manage it all. I’m writing about it for my next BP Magazine article. What do you do when you’re 44 and you’ve never really been able to work before? I’ve had many jobs, but never a career that I liked. I was an ESL teacher by accident for years. I then couldn’t work because I was too sick. I remember doing temp jobs and being terrifically miserable. I was way too educated to be stuffing envelopes- and yet I was way too sick to work at a regular job.
Then I created the Health Cards and got my life back. It took me a long time to get here- it took eight years before I was able to work as much as I work now! It’s a lot of sacrifice. No late nights- no new people- no relationship problems- on and on. So I created a radio health card- that helped.
Julie
I always have to remember that not everyone reading this uses the Health Cards – they are my treatment plan for bipolar disorder that I created in 1999 when the meds were not enough for me!
Sucidal thoughts are normal when you have bipolar disorder. I was really stressed the day before my new radio show last week. I was on a busy road and saw a red light up ahead. My mind said, “Julie, you can just run that red light and a car will hit you and all will be taken care of!” These thoughts used to scare me a lot. I now know they’re a response to stress. My friend Lani, who was the guest on the show that day said, “Well, your brain thought is was helping!”
So true. These thoughts are not real. They are manufactured by a bipolar brain. Don’t listen.
Julie
Many of you have written to tell me about the amazing Frontline television program on childhood bipolar disorder.
You can watch the show online at pbs.org. You can then search for bipolar Frontline and find the show.
Julie
Mania prevention newsletter
My next newsletter is on mania. I will write about it constantly for the next few months. I’ve seen the destruction it causes in the spring and summer.
It’s the weather for sure- as well as many other factors.
Do you know the difference between full blown mania and hypomania? Bipolar I has full blown and Bipolar II has hypomania.
This is why it’s so important that you know your exact diagnosis.
I’ve been manic off and on for the past few days. It’s from work stress- and the stress is not necessarily bod, but it is a stress to my system.
How are you?
julie
I saw this on a bumper sticker. I had to laugh. That is the epitome of rapid cycling bipolar disorder.
I have had so many mood swings in a day they were hard to count. I look at my mood chart and the thing looks like and EEG- or is it EKG! I should know the difference between the two!
I’m not having rapid cycling like I used to. It shows up sometimes, but when I’m in crisis it’s all day long.
I have been stable for almost a month now. This is the longest stability I have had in six years. I am thankful because I can finally work.
Julie
Bipolar has been terrible on my mom. She spent so many years trying to figure out how to help me. To be honest, I didn’t know what would help me before I started my Health Cards!
Things are so different now. Sometimes I get mad at her when she says, “Julie, you’re showing the signs of mania. You have to be careful. Are you doing something about it?” I taught her to ask these questions and it helps, but I often just think, good god woman! Just leave me alone!
I am a mess without her help though- she sees what I can’t. We are a team.
I still don’t think my father really understands me- we live in different states. But I know he is trying.
I just realized that ‘we live in different states’ is a double entendre!
Julie
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