The other night I went to be ok. I woke up at midnight in a downswing. It’s ridiculous. What on earth is going on with my brain! This illness is hard.

I talked myself out of it. “It’s an illness Julie. This isn’t real Julie. Life isn’t that bad. It’s depression.”

And I woke up ok.

Julie

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Mania peaks in the summer.  I always feel better that is for sure. I live in Portland, Oregon and the winters are dark and rainy. The summer is so wonderful when it finally arrives.

 I have to be careful though. I’ve written a lot about this. If you go to the categories section to the right and click on mania, all of my mania tips are there!

 I was rapid cycling yesterday- I’m examining what’s going on. A few changes have to be made. I am making them tonight. I will do everything it takes to stay stable.

Julie

I recently did an excellent radio/podcast interview with Deborah Harper of Psychjourney. We talked about the release of my new book, Get it Done When You’re Depressed.

Here is a link to our interview. She asked excellent questions and really knew her stuff. All writers dream of interviews that go this well! You can scroll down to see my interview.

http://psychjourney.libsyn.com/index.php?post_category=Depression

There are many other resources on the page as well as a link to my book.

julie

I just received a great blog comment, so I will answer it here!
Just curious, Julie….I could be wrong as I’m just getting acquainted with you after hearing you speak recently, but in what I’ve read so far in your website/newsletter/blog writing, there’s a conspicuous absence of any sense of spiritual help for your bipolar issues. Is that a purposeful thing? Does faith of some kind have a place in the life of a bipolar person?

WriteWoman

Hi WW.

This is a great question. I’ve done a few newsletters on it. I know that many people find huge comfort, support and information from their spiritual community. I also know that some, like msyelf are not as connected to a group spiritually.  I can also say that I’m not super spiritual individually.  This is not from choice. I used to be very spiritual - in that I believed that there was a force that watched out for us and wanted good in the world.
My friends tend to have strong faith in this ‘power’ whether they are Christian, Hindu or more new age. I wish I were more like my friends! I think that over 13 years of constant depression have changed me in many ways. I had a few experiences that shook my beliefs! I do find that I’m getting back to my old self. As my bipolar gets better and better, I have more room for some kind of faith.

Having spiritual friends helps me a lot- they tell me I will be more open like I used to be in the past!

There is no question that the people I know with bipolar disorder are much more hopeful if they are spiritual.  My friend Gayathri, who has been seriously depressed for most of her life meditates every day as does my friend Janea.  My friend John D. regularly talks with what he calls God. He belives in Jesus as well- but doesn’t have a demonation. Others have a very private spirituality! Non of my friends are wiccan!

In the states, it’s so common to hear people say that things happen for a reason. This leads to many questions for those of us who have bipolar! I do have a strong belief, though I am not sure I would call it spiritual- I belive that while things may not happen for a reason, I do feel that we can find meaning in all things that happen. Maybe that is my form of spirituality!

Please feel free to add comments about your spirituality to this blog.  I will ask my friends with bipolar disorder their views on spirituality and post them here!

Thanks for your question,

Julie

A friend and I had a long talk about bipolar last night. He said that he would not get rid of his bipolar disorder if he had the chance. I was shocked by this as the illness has really caused him serious trouble. I know that I would do ANYTHING to get this illness out of my life. Tonight, I started to think more of our conversation. Here is a letter I wrote him:

Hi,

I was just going to write in my journal but decided to write you instead. I’ve kept a journal since 1990! Can you believe that! When Ivan (my ex who has bipolar one) was in the hospital I wrote down everything that happened. I recently went back to read them- as I was thinking of doing a memoir- and my memory was actually different that what happened. It was weird.

Since I’ve gotten better- it started exactly this time last year, I’ve had some weird things happen. Tonight for example – my brain is quiet. I’ve wished for this my entire life- what I didn’t expect was how unmotivated it would be. When I’m depressed, my brain is so active that it pushes me to do things. I write better when I’m slightly depressed believe it or not- at least in terms of my bipolar work. It’s so odd. I used to think- if I were well enough, I could rule the world! Now I’ve found why people just live without getting a lot done- or maybe they don’t even want to get things done- their brains don’t drive them!

When you said you wouldn’t trade the bipolar – maybe you meant this. The creativity that comes with depression is something odd- it’s only when it’s mild and uncomfortable depression, when it goes past that, I’m just trying to survive. Serious depression kills my nature- the real me is trapped in a body of pain. It sounds melodramatic, but it’s true.

Mania is so creative that it often spins out of control. I do have some wonderful times at the beginning though. So, if I were well for the rest of my life, I would love it. But I can see that I would have to come up with ways to make my brain push me to greater things. I’m so driven to get well that I write about the process- as a record and a way to help others get well. My management ideas are working. I just don’t want to ever lose my drive.

Julie

I’m intersted to know what you think….