Archive for February, 2009
Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
Being honest with the people in your life is very, very hard. I’ve found myself staying in friendships and listening to things I don’t like or don’t agree with just to be a good friend who listens and accepts the other person. This is something that is preached to us a lot- we need to be rational and non judgmental. And yet, there are things people do that I don’t like, but to be totally honest, I’m scared to tell the truth as I fear the relationship will end. I fear that I will come across as non understanding and needy.
I then try to be a good friend by saying to myself- it’s her life- it’s his choice. It has nothing to do with me.
And finally, as a result of this dishonest ‘understanding’ on my part, my upset with the other person’s behavior festers and then comes out in one big scream on my part. I’ve done it over and over again. I’m too understanding of the other person and not understanding of the fact that it’s ok to be honest in a relationship.
It’s ok to say, I care about you, but I don’t like what you’re doing. If the friendship is a good one, it will survive. If it doesn’t – things can end gracefully before you blow up and really feel terrible.
This is advice to myself.
Julie
Tags: Bipolar, bipolar affective disorder, bipolar depression, Bipolar Disorder, bipolar disorder dating, bipolar disorder relationship problems, bipolar disorder sex, Bipolar Help, bipolar illness, bipolar mania, bipolar questoins, Bipolar Treatment Tips, bipolar triggers, bipolarhappens.com, bp magazine, dating help bipolar, DBSA, Get It Done When You're Depressed, julie fast, juliefast.com, loving someone with bipolar disorder, manic depression, manic episode, NAMI/DBSA, relationship help bipolar, Relationships, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, www.bipolarhappens.com, www.juliefast.com
Posted in Relationships | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, February 17th, 2009
- I don’t want to be a raging lunatic on the phone like I was on a call to my bank! I just lost it. I had one of those days where my physical reaction to things was way off. I can tell when it’s meds. It’s different from being angry- this is out of control I want to thrown my phone through the widow anger. I made sure I didn’t take it out on others too badly- I have learned to control myself. But it’s hard.
There are so many meds that can cause this kind of anger and aggression. You know it’s the illness or the meds when it literally comes out of nowhere- it’s not a normal part of your personality- you watch yourself and think what in the heck is going on with me- and your behaviors are odd such as cussing as loudly as possible for longer than normal!
I woke up fine today. This kind of aggression gets people in jail. I’ve seen it too many times.
It’s important to learn the first signs that you’re getting in a rage and then remove yourself from the situation even if for a few minutes. This has to be done right at the beginning, but you can often realize what is going on in the middle of a rage. This is when you stop- apologize to whomever you yelled at – and focus on managing the illness.
Is is your meds? Is it a relationship? Lack of sleep? Etc.
This is how I keep from throwing a phone through my window even though it seemed like it would make feel better at the time.
Julie
PS: Antidepressants are notorious for causing irritation and anger- if you just started a med and you are suddenly more angry than normal- talk with your HCP.
Posted in anger | 2 Comments »
Monday, February 16th, 2009
Here is a letter from V. about her son and Invega- also previosly known as extended release Risperdal.
Julie,
My son has been treated for bi-polar with a mix of medications which includes Invega. This is a newer version of risperdal which is supposed to have fewer side effects. I think my son is suffering from reduced cognitive functioning, like he is in a fog. It is hard to tell because he definitely had a real drop in IQ testing (about 20 points) which the doctors thought were due to his anxiety and depression at the time of the testing, but I think it might be the meds too.
He seems “dumber” than ever and complains about it. He used to be very sharp, although he had other emotional problems which are better controlled now. Do you have any experience with invega or has anyone heard of this? He also seems to have significantly thinning hair and I suspect the 2000 mg of depakote he takes. Any ideas?
Hi V,
First of all, I am not a doctor! I always say that because I truly believe a medications specialist is our best friend in managing this illness.
To answer your question, there is no doubt that Risperdal (Risperidone) can cause fuzziness! All anti psychotics are known for this, though Abilify is supposed to have less. A friend of mine is on Zyprexa and always says it dulls her. And yet it keeps her out of the hospital and able to work part time! There is a side effect called anhedonia that is described a lack of feeling- the official definition is without emotion. I definitely get it when my meds are off. It can definitely come with depression as well. There are quite a few meds that can cause thinning hair and some cause hair to fall out in clumps. Remember, bipolar meds are chemo therapy!
Having said this, it’s wonderful that his emotions are more under control. They can cause more trouble than being dull from medications. Anxiety and depression cause memory and focus problems- they can also make you feel emotionally dull, but the ‘dumb’ feeling sounds like meds.
I suggest you talk with the medications doctor and explain that you know the meds are helping and that it’s great for your son, but he feels dulled intellectually. At least it will start a discussion. It’s important that your son knows that what he’s going through may be a normal side effect of the meds and it’s not permanent. Once he is more stable, it may be he can reduce meds with the help of his HCP. Treatment of the illness comes first- when it is more managed- it’s a good time to work on side effects. It’s a trade off!
Say hi to your son for me. It’s great that he takes his meds!
Julie
Tags: , bipolar disorder medications, Depakote, invega, Risperdal, rispiridone, side effects, Zyprexa
Posted in Medications | 5 Comments »
Sunday, February 15th, 2009
Yesterday was a tough day…
And I woke up with IT again this morning. I call depression IT because I want to remind myself that IT is not me! The language of depression is so predictable- how does it know where to hurt me the most! I was pretty sick yesterday, but I kept going as I always do. It was hard to work and I know my mom was worried about me. I managed to feel better by the time I went to sleep. Bipolar disorder can be such a vicious illness simply because it causes you to examine all that is going WRONG in your life over and over again.
When I woke up too early this morning, my brain did a cascade of thoughts regarding the two people in my life who are causing me stress. It just wouldn’t stop on its own, so I made it stop. Yes, I am having trouble with these people- one is my brother- but the trouble is really not on my side. They are having trouble in their lives and I feel left out. My friend John D. and I went to happy hour the other night and talked about how hard it is to really, really find the feelings behind thoughts and actions. My feelings around these two people are real- bipolar makes me obsess and over think the situation. I don’t have to listen. They are unhappy- I am not sure how I fit into that! I feel excluded because I see them making time for other people. That is their choice and to be honest, I’m not sure they realize what they are doing. It’s up to me to decide what to do from my side of things. I can’t let depression make decisions for me. Ever.
julie
Tags: Bipolar, bipolar affective disorder, bipolar depression, Bipolar Help, bipolar illness, bipolar mania, bipolar questoins, Bipolar Treatment Tips, bipolar triggers, bipolarhappens.com, bp magazine, DBSA, general bipolar disorder, Get It Done When You're Depressed, julie fast, juliefast.com, loving someone with bipolar disorder, manic depression, manic episode, NAMI/DBSA, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, www.bipolarhappens.com, www.juliefast.com
Posted in About Julie, Relationships | 5 Comments »
Friday, February 13th, 2009
How to add spice to your social life…
I get really lonely when I get sick. Even though I have a lot of friends, I still miss the company that comes with belonging to a social group. This happens because I work on my own. I think a lot about ways to get myself out in public and a part of a group. Here are some suggestions:
Toastmasters. Wow, what a great group of people. Toastmasters is a worldwide speaking organization. I was in a group for two years and still have friendships with the people I met years ago. If you’re thinking, OMG, I can’t speak in public! Well, that is what it’s all about. It makes you able to speak in public! It’s also a great way to learn how to run an executive style meeting and become a leader in the community.
http://www.toastmasters.org/
Boys and Girls Clubs- what a great place to volunteer! That is certainly a group!
http://www.bgca.org/clubs/
Study a foreign language. Here in Portland, you can study a language and then find a few places in town where you can actually go have a glass of wine and practice!
Go to an evening community education class- or teach one! I can’t believe how many friends I made the last time I taught a writing class.
And if you just like to go out and have fun, I suggest www.meetin.org
It’s hard to do this stuff when you’re depressed, which is why it’s good to set it up when you’re well. I have a few rules when I start with a new group. I make a commitment to go to meetings which means I still go even when I’m depressed. I always feel better after the meeting!
Have fun!
Julie
Tags: Bipolar, bipolar affective disorder, bipolar depression, Bipolar Help, bipolar illness, bipolar mania, bipolar questoins, Bipolar Treatment Tips, bipolar triggers, bipolarhappens.com, bp magazine, DBSA, friends and bipolar, fun bipolar, general bipolar disorder, Get It Done When You're Depressed, help me find friends, julie fast, juliefast.com, loving someone with bipolar disorder, manic depression, manic episode, NAMI/DBSA, no friends bipolar, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, www.bipolarhappens.com, www.juliefast.com
Posted in Bipolar Treatment Tips, Relationships | 1 Comment »
Thursday, February 12th, 2009
wow, I want to do a short entry today as I’ve been doing monster long entries! A newletter is coming soon with a lot of info about meds. Things are going well here finally! I am back to work like a normal person. I sure went through a terrible time, but all that matters is what happens now. I can’t look back too much as those mood swings are so scary! I always make it through. We can all make it through the bad ones!
I am glad I figured out it was a medication problem and took care of it in a few days.
If you’re new to this blog- maybe you came from the amazon.com link- you can read all about my January mood swing in the posts below!
Julie
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http://www.bipolarhappens.com/hcnl.php
Tags: Bipolar, bipolar affective disorder, bipolar and doctors, bipolar and hospitals, bipolar depression, Bipolar Help, bipolar illness, bipolar mania, bipolar questoins, Bipolar Treatment Tips, bipolar triggers, bipolarhappens.com, bp magazine, DBSA, general bipolar disorder, Get It Done When You're Depressed, go to doctor bipolar, julie fast, juliefast.com, loving someone with bipolar disorder, manic depression, manic episode, NAMI/DBSA, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, www.bipolarhappens.com, www.juliefast.com
Posted in About Julie | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
I just cut up my credit card…
This may have not been too smart business wise, but I felt it was necessary. I put everything on the card and it’s not like I was going on spending sprees- it was mostly normal stuff like groceries and dinner as well as my business stuff. But now that I have made a commitment to be 100% fiscally responsible this year (unlike some entities I can think of!), I think that going to a cash based system for small purchases makes more sense. I can actually think before I spend!
I will have to plan ahead when I go somewhere and ask myself- do I really want to spend $20 on dinner? Credit cards make it too easy to spending without evaluation the purchase. I stopped manic spending a long time ago- but the smaller stuff still gets me! My rotating business expenses as well as all of my household needs are on automatic payment- so this actually is a very smart idea!
Julie
PS: It was a very, very smart idea! I can already see some huge changes in my thinking.
Here is a comment from Lyn:
Good for you!!! I cut up all but one credit card years ago, and now even that one is gone. I have stopped being a consumer. It was a very powerful decision, and I have never thought I was wrong. It has become a safety for me: when you don’t have credit, you are very aware of all spending, so spending sprees are out of the question. My ‘debit card’ is tied to my bank account so every purchase has to be thought over and evaluated, to be sure I have enough money for groceries at the end of the month. I am very proud of this accomplishment, and when I feel stupid and believe I don’t do anything right, I can challenge that with my knowledge that I at least have my money under control!
Lyn
Tags: , Bipolar, bipolar affective disorder, bipolar and money, bipolar depression, bipolar financial worries, Bipolar Help, bipolar illness, bipolar mania, bipolar questoins, Bipolar Treatment Tips, bipolar triggers, bipolarhappens.com, bp magazine, children bipolar disorder, DBSA, finances, general bipolar disorder, Get It Done When You're Depressed, julie fast, Julie Fast Radio Show, juliefast.com, loving someone with bipolar disorder, manic depression, manic episode, money bipolar, money worries, money worries bipolar, NAMI/DBSA, radio show, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, teenagers bipolar, www.bipolarhappens.com, www.juliefast.com
Posted in money | 4 Comments »
