Archive for June, 2009

Podcast: Conversations with Sherri- Pt 1 MANIA

Monday, June 15th, 2009

I am excited to post my new bipolarhappens.com podcast series called Conversations with Sherri.

Sherri is a dear friend of mine who has bipolar I. She has been in an off and on manic/psychotic episode for over two years- and of course, there is a lot of depression mixed in there as well. In this opening podcast, Sherri and I talk about her bipolar disorder one  history as well as her experiences of mania. She is such an honest and funny person! Our next conversation is on benzodiazapine addiction – Sherri just got off a 20 year Klonopin habit. No kidding. She’s a rock star.

I think you will really enjoy and be enthralled by this candid and very informative conversation about mania and all of it’s symptoms and troubles.

Please do leave your comments on ourconversation and what you would like us to talk about in the future. After the Klonopin conversation- we will discuss Sherri’s hospital stays. 12 in all!

Yes, she is a bipolar superstar. She keeps going no matter what.

Julie

 

 
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Cyclothymia- a milder form of bipolar disorder

Monday, June 15th, 2009

I just received the following comment from Eddie:

Thanks for sharing the secret and lucky I found your blog. Going to have a look at your videos in a second.

I have been doing some blogging therapy – I have never been offically diagnosed but I positive I have some mild form of bipolar. Clyctomania I believe its called.

Any comments/ thoughts would be great.

Hi Eddie,

Cyclothymia is harder to diagnosis for sure- I suggest that you start a mood swing chart where you chart your moods every night- it’s easy to do. I will do a blog on it soon with a link to a download mood swing chart- there is one in the back of my book Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder along with one of my charts- the book is all book stores- so you could look at it and start your own.

I have charted my mood nightly for the past seven years. It has been invaluable.

Cyclothymia can be so hard to diagnosis as it is often seen as moodiness- the depression is easy to spot- though it can be seen as negativity which further compllicates things! The problem is the mild mania. This is harder to spot- which is why charting the mood helps.

Cyclothymia is cyclical- thus the name! It means that your moods will eventually form a pattern. The depression form of cyclothymia is called dysthymia. That’s what my mom has- lamictal has helped immensely. Be careful of taking anti depressants as they can cause the mania to get worse!

It’s great that you’re exploring your moods and finding out what works for you.

Julie

A good night….

Monday, June 15th, 2009

I’m well tonight!

Normally I would write that sentence: I’m not sick tonight! but I’m going to be positive this evening.

It always amazes me how normal it is to be normal. I sort of just do things without thinking about them. When the bipolar disorder is going strong- which is about 85% of the time (I chart my moods so that % is pretty accurate!) I often have to struggle and grasp and gasp to keep going. But when I’m well like I am tonight, things are just so much more simple.  I can be alone with ease. I make dinner. I read and write my blog. I can DO things. Do you think anyone can understand what I mean unless they have bipolar? I don’t think so! People take the normal stuff for granted. Getting up without thinking your life is pointless is how most people live. I’d like to be most people- believe me!

If you care about someone with bipolar disorder, you know how we struggle with the basics. It’s a part of the illness. I am always reminded of this when I have an evening like tonight. I just exist and get on with my life. Nothing is running through my head and I’m not filled with doom and gloom or excessive excitement.
It’s NICE.  I remember when I created the Health Cards (my treatment system) – I realized it was extremely important for me to create a Health Card that listed what the normal me was like- how I thought and acted and what I said when I wasn’t in a mood swing, so that I could remember this when I got sick.

It changed my life!

Julie

bipolar mood swings and the beauty of a rose

Thursday, June 11th, 2009

Bipolar is so very weird. When I’m depressed I can look at this rose and see nothing of beauty. I’ve also had experiences where the beauty of something is painful because I feel so left out.

With mania, the rose is too beautiful. I could look into it forever – which is not exactly true as when I’m manic I don’t do anything for very long. My attention would be grabbed by something even more beautiful.

When my ex partner Ivan was really psychotic and in the hospital- I took him a rose- it had a lot of symbolic meaning to him- it was blood red- it caused pain- etc.

Well, it’s pretty obvious that a rose isn’t just a rose is a rose…. ;)

Today I want to just look at the rose for what it is. A beautiful flower.  I live in Portland, Oregon- also known as the rose city. The roses here are stunning.  My goal is to have a normal, stable and appreciative day. ( I can do it!)

 Julie

Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder: Reader Question

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

  A Reader Question for Julie Fast  

Hi, I just received a question from Sandra asking if it’s normal that her depression seems to show up every two months- oh, yes it is normal! Here is my answer:  

 hi Julie,

I have a question.  Looking back at about eight months of journaling, I noticed that every two months or so, my entries suggest that I was depressed.  It would appear that this is cycling every two months.  Could this be accurate?  Anything I can do to correct it?  Yes, I will bring it up with my psychiatrist at the next appointment.

Thanks!

Hi Sandra,

Bipolar disorder is an episode illness- as compared to psychotic or personality disorders which are more stable over time. This means a person can have a few severe episodes and then none for a few years- or someone, like myself can have mood swings every day for years and years. I had 23 mood swings from the last part of April and all of May. It was not pleasant. I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder II with psychosis. Though the psychosis has been absent for a while.

If you’re cycling every two months- that’s pretty regular- so you should be able to pinpoint what is going on. There are a few things- hormones, the weather, triggers, medications or just the illness itself. This may be your pattern. I just did a podcast with my friend Sherri- I will put it on the blog soon- she talks about how she gets manic ever spring and depressed in the winter- like clockwork. I am definitely happier in the summer.

What matters is that you chart it. If you see a definite pattern of depression interlaced with mania- talk with your doctor about rapid cycling and make sure your meds are correct. Anti depressants can cause this rapid cycling.  Also, mania can look like stress when it’s actually agitated mania. There is a lot more information on this blog about the different types of mania. There is a mania tab on the right that will take you to all of the entries.

It’s great that you’re seeing the patterns- it’s the best way to manage the illness. I have my Health Cards Treatment Plan- I know you have them as well- I would get out your depression card and write the times you see the change into depression and what you think, say and do right before it starts. That is how to prevent yourself from going down. Julie

Is it depression or bipolar depression? A Quiz!

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

The following is an excerpt from an article I wrote for healthyplace.com on the difference between bipolar depression and uni polar depression.  I wonder how well you can do! A lot of it was new to me as I wrote the article!
A Quiz:  Name that Depression

The following examples will help you (or someone who cares about a person with depression) get really clear on the depression you experience. This can lead to the right treatment plan.

1. Have you ever been depressed and thought, “What is going on? I felt fantastic just last month! I had so much energy and life was great. I don’t understand this. Nothing happened? What’s wrong with me? Who am I?” and then you feel fine again a few months later.  (BP Depression with rapid cycling between mania and depression.)

2. You went through a job loss and got depressed for the first time and then the depression went away when you got another job. (Situational Depression.)

3. You were depressed, took an antidepressant and then suddenly things got better. You felt your head clear and even your vision got razor sharp where colors were gorgeous and people looked beautiful. Life was full of hope and you couldn’t wait to make plans for the future. If someone said you seemed abnormally upbeat, you said, “I finally found a medication that worked and now you want me to go back to being depressed?”  (Antidepressant induced mania.)

4. After a down mood for over a year you went through months of feeling great where you partied a lot, made friends easily, worked effortlessly and had a lot of ideas. The good mood raised a lot of confusion in your friends and family, but not enough to see it as an illness. You thought, “This is the real me!  The depression is finally gone!” (A manic episode after a long BP Depression.)

4. Felt depressed and uncomfortable with agitation, trouble sleeping and the fear that someone was following you. Your thoughts were racing and your patience was low. You felt a lot of suspicion, heard voices and yet you had a lot of energy. You sometimes had suicidal thoughts. (Mixed episode with depression, mania and psychosis.)

6. People commented on your down mood and seemed confused as to why you were always depressed when you had so much to live for. You had trouble getting out of bed, had no enthusiasm for life, cried a lot and felt hopeless. Your work and relationships suffered. You had either been like this for months or had a low level depression for years. You found an antidepressant that worked and have not experienced depression again.  (Unipolar depression)

7. You’re depressed and have tried five antidepressants. They don’t help at all and you feel more and more despondent. Your health care professional says, “I have no idea why these meds aren’t working. There is a drug called Lamictal that works with depression, let’s see if that will help.” You take the Lamictal and feel better. The doctor asks, “Have you ever had a mood where you were filled with energy and didn’t sleep much but were not tired at all the next day?”  This question finally leads to a discussion about bipolar disorder and you both realize the medications didn’t work because you have BP Depression and have had mild mania for years without knowing what it was. Eventually the illness was stabilized with Lamictal and an antipsychotic. And you can truthfully say, “I finally feel like the real me.” (BP Depression)

What above situation describes you (or the person you care about)? Is treatment correct and adequate? The answer to these questions can help you take charge of your BP Depression so that you can get an official diagnosis, find the right combination of medications and create a treatment plan that is BP Depression specific. It may be scary, overwhelming and confusing to realize you have Bipolar Depression, but the diagnosis is a life saver. It makes sense to spend a few years finding the right treatment plan than experiencing a lifetime of depression. The results can lead to a stable life that is filled with great relationships, productive work, a true sense of purpose and joy.

Julie

This is an excerpt from my article on the difference between uni polar depression and bipolar depression published on healthyplace.com. The article is available in full on the menu to your right.

Bipolar Disorder Rapid Cycling: Feeling better.. a lot better

Monday, June 8th, 2009

This blog is a chronical of my severe rapid cycling- it helps me to write it and I’m glad it helps others. Two nights ago I was worn out and despondent and then I sat up and said to myself, “Enough of this. No matter what, you can still function. Just get going Julie. Deal with what is going on with your economic status and do what you can!” I felt better the next day and I feel even better today. I have to face facts head on- my life changed with the economy as it did for many, many people. Yes, it has caused great stress – which always leads to mood swings. But I have to deal with it.

My mom helped a lot in the months I couldn’t get the mood swings to stop. I managed to do all of the social things I usually do and that helped. Isn’t it odd a depressed person can go see people and be ok and then go down and start crying as soon as they get in the car! That tells me something about this illness- we have more control than we think. If we can feel better with people- we can harness that in order to manage our own brains when we can’t be around people.

Introverts and extroverts deal with bipolar disorder very, very differently. Bipolar disorder medications can affect a person’s desire to be with people as well. A friend of mine is on anti depressants for social anxiety and the change is amazing. He says he’s more able to go out and be around people- and talk to them!

I’m always interested in people who care about someone with this illness- as I have been there. Loving someone with bipolar I can be very scary, especially if they have a lot of mania.

Let’s be real about this illness- it’s rotten! I wish there were a cure and we could work and actually use our talents as much as we want! ;)

One day.

Julie