It’s Sunday evening. At this time, I have 319 email in my inbox. This email haunts me! I think of it constantly. I worry about it and fret that I’m not getting it done. I can’t answer all of the personal email I get from readers in the way I want to- and yet I have to answer all of my business email.
I’ve been doing so well for months. I got my work done and actually went to bed and got up feeling pretty good.
Unfortunately, the bipolar has been pretty rough for a few weeks. This means it’s very hard for me to work.
Thus, the 319 email.
I wrote a book on getting things done when you’re depressed, so I know what to do.
First of all, it takes less time to get something done that it takes to worry about it all day!
So, I have a goal to get it all done before I go out of town on Thursday. That is plenty of time.
Secondly, I remind myself that I have an illness that makes it hard to get things done- I have to keep going and do the best I can.
Bla. Don’t you sometimes feel that we have it too hard? Julie
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Julie, in answer to your honest question, yes, many times I do think it is simply “too hard”. At one of those times, I attempted suicide. My thinking was that it was simply “too hard” and too painful to go on. If it wasn’t for my fiancee breaking my apartment door down, I wouldn’t be here writing to you now. Oh, to be sure I would get the “job done”, I put on the gas as well as took every single pill I had in the house. I was very serious. Now, I am taking two medications, see a therapist, accept my mental illness, and can feel joyful and peaceful quite often. But yes, I have had those moments that you asked about…
Hi Ivy,
Thanks for being so honest! We have all been there. Many of my friends have been super suicidal, but they made it out and now have great lives- within the limitations of bipolar disorder of course! When I get suicidal, I just remind myself all day that it’s not real. It’s an illness. There is nothing worse though. Wanting to kill yourself just makes no sense when you look at it objectively. I try to remain objective when I get suicidal. It took a lot of practice. I’m glad you can do it too.
man, i got a job the first second i walked into the interview (i’m 20 and can’t go to school because of my BPII right now) and the first day i was supposed to go i had a major break down…and not just becaues of being nervous about it, i had so many other things that were making me upset. I can’t do anything it feels like. I can’t go to school because i’m scared, i can’t go to work because i am way to unstable…god damnit!!! and the medicines side effects or “not working effects”…don’t even get me started!