Comments on: A Bipolar Disorder and Relationships Secret http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/ by Julie A. Fast Sat, 20 Mar 2010 00:13:55 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: mindy http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/comment-page-1/#comment-1795 mindy Sat, 13 Jun 2009 07:41:55 +0000 http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/#comment-1795 u are so correct. RESPECT is key for healthy relationships. I learned that the hard way.. Hi Mindy, oh yes, respect is everything. If someone cares for you- they listen, show up when they say they will, want to meet your friends and family, don't say things like- 'let's see what happens' when you ask them to do something- are open and willing to have a relationship and are honest with their feelings! Can you tell I've learned the hard way as well! Haha. Julie u are so correct. RESPECT is key for healthy relationships. I learned that the hard way..

Hi Mindy,

oh yes, respect is everything. If someone cares for you- they listen, show up when they say they will, want to meet your friends and family, don’t say things like- ‘let’s see what happens’ when you ask them to do something- are open and willing to have a relationship and are honest with their feelings!

Can you tell I’ve learned the hard way as well! Haha. Julie

]]> By: Melissa http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/comment-page-1/#comment-1670 Melissa Tue, 26 May 2009 16:13:26 +0000 http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/#comment-1670 Hey Julie! Here's a terrible question. What if the person who is not treating you with love and respect is your husband of 16 years? My friends comment on how he treats me. He's not a complete ogre - just mostly. But I'm afraid to address the issues and standup to him and advocaate for what I need. Any thoughts? Hi Melissa, This is not a terrible question AT ALL. It's essential that we know who exacerbates our mood swings before we can actually do something about it. At least you're not lying to yourself and that's admirable. Here is my advice- the day that you decide you are worth more than the pain- and that you will not longer be treated disrespectfully is the day that you will stand up to him and say- I love you. But I am no longer willing to allow you to treat me this way. I am changing and doing all that I can to manage my illness. I would like your help and support, but if you feel you can't give it to me- I will find support in another way. I know who I am and what I want from life. I choose to have people in my life who respect this. Can we work on this together? At this point you're probably saying- Julie, you're crazy- he will never listen to me! But that is not the point. What matters is that you say it over and over again. I have also found that just being silent helps. If there is no fuel there is no fire. My brother is so moody that I literally have no idea what mood he will be in day to day- but I know who I am and how I will react. I am stable and steady around him. He does not control me nor does he have to affect my moods. It took me a long time to realize this. He's a wonderful man when he's normal and a mean and yelling man when he's not. I encourage the normal and don't react to the meanness- instead I say - This is not ok. I will not be treated this way. I would like to have a good relationship with you, but I won't put up with this. And then I walk away. Just the other night he got mad at me and yelled about something so stupid! I just sat there until it ended and we went on with the conversation. For most of the time we have a great relationship. He knows full well that he's unreasonable and he's not a happy person in many ways- but he's my brother so I let him be who he is- but our time together is determined by his mood. It's hard to do this- but my health is far more imporant than his anger. He has to deal with that on his own. You have spent 16 years with your husband. It's now time to decide if you want to spend 16 more years with a man who treats you disrespectfully. If the answer is yes, then it's time for you to change and see if he can keep up! Wow, I went off on a tangent, but I hope this helps! I will post this on a separate blog- you ask an excellent question. Julie PS: I have learned a lot from the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz Hey Julie!

Here’s a terrible question. What if the person who is not treating you with love and respect is your husband of 16 years? My friends comment on how he treats me. He’s not a complete ogre – just mostly. But I’m afraid to address the issues and standup to him and advocaate for what I need. Any thoughts?

Hi Melissa,

This is not a terrible question AT ALL. It’s essential that we know who exacerbates our mood swings before we can actually do something about it. At least you’re not lying to yourself and that’s admirable. Here is my advice- the day that you decide you are worth more than the pain- and that you will not longer be treated disrespectfully is the day that you will stand up to him and say-

I love you. But I am no longer willing to allow you to treat me this way. I am changing and doing all that I can to manage my illness. I would like your help and support, but if you feel you can’t give it to me- I will find support in another way. I know who I am and what I want from life. I choose to have people in my life who respect this. Can we work on this together?

At this point you’re probably saying- Julie, you’re crazy- he will never listen to me! But that is not the point. What matters is that you say it over and over again. I have also found that just being silent helps. If there is no fuel there is no fire.

My brother is so moody that I literally have no idea what mood he will be in day to day- but I know who I am and how I will react. I am stable and steady around him. He does not control me nor does he have to affect my moods. It took me a long time to realize this. He’s a wonderful man when he’s normal and a mean and yelling man when he’s not. I encourage the normal and don’t react to the meanness- instead I say – This is not ok. I will not be treated this way. I would like to have a good relationship with you, but I won’t put up with this. And then I walk away. Just the other night he got mad at me and yelled about something so stupid! I just sat there until it ended and we went on with the conversation. For most of the time we have a great relationship. He knows full well that he’s unreasonable and he’s not a happy person in many ways- but he’s my brother so I let him be who he is- but our time together is determined by his mood.

It’s hard to do this- but my health is far more imporant than his anger. He has to deal with that on his own. You have spent 16 years with your husband. It’s now time to decide if you want to spend 16 more years with a man who treats you disrespectfully. If the answer is yes, then it’s time for you to change and see if he can keep up!

Wow, I went off on a tangent, but I hope this helps! I will post this on a separate blog- you ask an excellent question.

Julie

PS: I have learned a lot from the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

]]> By: kimmieCollas http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/comment-page-1/#comment-1661 kimmieCollas Tue, 26 May 2009 05:26:39 +0000 http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/#comment-1661 That is soooooo true - and depression really throws off your ability to judge a situation. I see everything in the most negative light possible when I'm on the down side of the swing, so I try to wait til I'm back to balance before I make any permanent changes. That is soooooo true – and depression really throws off your ability to judge a situation. I see everything in the most negative light possible when I’m on the down side of the swing, so I try to wait til I’m back to balance before I make any permanent changes.

]]> By: Eddie http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/comment-page-1/#comment-1660 Eddie Tue, 26 May 2009 05:01:51 +0000 http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/#comment-1660 Thanks for sharing the secret and lucky I found your blog. Going to have a look at your videos in a second. I have been doing some blogging therapy - I have never been offically diagnosed but I positive I have some mild form of bipolar. Clyctomania I believe its called. Any comments/ thoughts would be great. Would love to start talking more. I am @edwardharran Thanks for sharing the secret and lucky I found your blog. Going to have a look at your videos in a second.

I have been doing some blogging therapy – I have never been offically diagnosed but I positive I have some mild form of bipolar. Clyctomania I believe its called.

Any comments/ thoughts would be great.

Would love to start talking more.

I am @edwardharran

]]> By: Diane Glasheen http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/comment-page-1/#comment-1653 Diane Glasheen Mon, 25 May 2009 16:17:55 +0000 http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/a-bipolar-disorder-and-relationships-secret/#comment-1653 Wow, just what I needed to hear! What do I do if one of those people that make me sick is my 22 year old daughter? I love her, but she is so frustrating! She is a high achiever and does not believe in depression, bipolar, etc. Anything I say or do is open for argument. We never seem to have a conversation that does not end in an argument. I am not perfect but I do not feel I am totally to blame. My husband tells me not to "engage." I am simply having a conversation with her and she disagrees and it goes on from there. She is my daughter and I cannot totally end the relationship, however, last night I decided that I will start removing myself physically from the situation. Take my dogs for a walk, go to the store, etc. I don't know what else to do. It is so frustrating and confusing and everytime we get into it I feel like a failure as a mom and a person. There is no support in my household for depression and mood swings. It is real and I am not making it up. Thanks for all you do Julie! Wow, just what I needed to hear! What do I do if one of those people that make me sick is my 22 year old daughter? I love her, but she is so frustrating! She is a high achiever and does not believe in depression, bipolar, etc. Anything I say or do is open for argument. We never seem to have a conversation that does not end in an argument. I am not perfect but I do not feel I am totally to blame. My husband tells me not to “engage.” I am simply having a conversation with her and she disagrees and it goes on from there. She is my daughter and I cannot totally end the relationship, however, last night I decided that I will start removing myself physically from the situation. Take my dogs for a walk, go to the store, etc. I don’t know what else to do. It is so frustrating and confusing and everytime we get into it I feel like a failure as a mom and a person. There is no support in my household for depression and mood swings. It is real and I am not making it up. Thanks for all you do Julie!

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