Here is a long blog… it was a long day!
I lost an entire day today. That has not happened in a while. I’ve been traveling to see friends and for the most part, I’ve had a wonderful time. I was able to work with my friend Lorraine as we are both writers. When Lorraine went back to her regular job, my concentration and ability to work plummeted. I’m used to this. Yesterday, I made myself work using my normal techniques and ideas. I made sure I told Lorraine the projects I was going to get done so that I could show them to her when she got back. It’s a technique that works. When I know I have to show my work to someone, I can focus more.
Then today… I am in Florida, so I wanted to go to the beach. The plan was to drive there, walk on the beach and write at a coffee shop. I have a very important deadline for a new book I want to write, so working is essential.
Here is a short version of what happened: The place where I rented a car gave me a piece of junk that was not clean on the inside. I should not have taken the car, but it was the only one. As I drove away, I started to get upset with myself as I felt like a dummy for letting them get away with this. Then the brain looping started- you never stick up for yourself. Remember when you got that bad manicure and didn’t even say anything? They scammed you! This car is dirty! On and on. To make things worse, the GPS I had didn’t work so I had to use my written driving directions and this is extremely stressful for me.
The result was a panic attack- it was mild, but it was not fun. I finally got to the beach and the weather was dark and windy. And… the beach looked just like the beach in Oregon! I was expecting white sand, blue water and palm trees. Of course, that is not what you get in Jacksonville! By this time, I’m losing it. My mind is racing, I’m crying and the stress of having to work is too much. So I decide to go home – and I get lost. Finally, I get the GPS to work and I arrive back at my friends, almost four hours after I started. It was awful.
I knew I had to do something to feel better. I called the rental company and complained. They are picking up the car and will not charge me.
I drank a Coke and had fries. (Guess what, this didn’t work! ha ha) Then I went back and took a walk with my Ipod. That helped. Finally, I accepted that this would have to be a bipolar sick day. The illness was stronger than my ability to work. I took a break and felt a lot better in the early evening when my friend got home. I would like to be a different person sometimes. One who doesn’t get sick when they get the wrong rental car!
Julie
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Dear Julie,
I guess you can chalk up that rental car episode up to experience, eh? Sometimes we really do not know what will be a trigger for us until we’ve experienced it. Don’t be so hard on yourself – you were in Florida, wanted to go to the beach, and that was the only car the agency had. I would’ve done the same thing! (Even the panic attack – I don’t navigate too well in unknown areas, and nearby Washington, D.C. is a mass of one-way streets!)
Perhaps you can congratulate yourself for at least trying to get to the beach yesterday, despite having a dirty car, a non-working GPS, etc. And you can also recognize when to stop trying to work, rather than getting more frustrated and panicky by working when you really shouldn’t. Can you ask for a deadline postponement if you’re really feeling stressed?
I hope today goes MUCH better for you!
Sincerely,
Sandra
Hi Sandra,
You are right. It helps to have the perspective of another person. It’s hard when you’re in the middle of crying and wondering why things always seem to go wrong. Things don’t always go wrong of course- but it sure feels like it when you’re in the situation. I’m better today. I’m just staying in my friend’s beautiful backyard instead of driving around. I can do that with her. She has a better car anyway!
Julie
Something that really helps me when I’m stuck somewhere with no one and can’t get out is to take a taxi. Yes it’s expensive but I have credit and I don’t do it very often. It both gets me out of my house and gives me someone to talk to. It also distracts me. And I feel special riding in a taxi, like I’m someone who’s important. I don’t own a car or drive so I’m usually on the bus or trolley and to have that luxury every once in awhile is really nice. I’m treating myself. The trick is not guilt-tripping myself over the cost! I did pretty well with that last week. I had to take a taxi twice because I missed the bus to my program, $50 bucks each time! Ack! But I was able to accept that that was a choice I had made to be there on time and to take care of myself.
Hi Michelle,
I just can’t believe I didn’t think of that. A taxi would have been cheaper than the price of the rental car anyway. I could have at least gone to a shopping center where I could write! I drive everywhere in Portland, so a taxi was not on my mind. Thanks for this suggestion. I think it will help a lot of people.
Julie