Bipolar Happens Blog – Julie Fast

Here is a reader question from Michelle. She asks important questions. How DO we get through the days, weeks, months and years when we have focus problems because of bipolar disorder!

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Hi Julie 

Can you please tell me how you are consistently productive and living with bipolar disorder?
I too, am a writer, and I start projects, but can’t finish them. I have boundless energy for awhile, then I crash. I can’t commit to making long term projects with people because I can’t depend on myself that I can follow through. Where do you get your energy? How do you manage on a daily basis? I wake up each day not knowing how I am going to feel. I have to live day by day, and it sucks. Any positive feedback and/or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Michelle,

Hi Michelle,

Thanks for your question- to be honest, I go through everything you describe above- and I go through it every single day. My life changed when I learned to work as much as possible despite all of the bipolar symptoms. I created my Health Cards Treatment Plan for Bipolar Disorder in 1999. I have used the system every day for ten years- that taught me how to manage the illness. I learned what triggers most of my mood swings and how I have to take care of myself in order to be well enough to function. Without the Health Cards, I would not be able to work or have stable relationships. They saved my life.

But having said that, having a system doesn’s take away the illness. In the past two months, I’ve had a different mood every day. I agree with you, it’s exhausting.

It may seem like I really have bipolar disorder taken care of, but I still live with strong and constant bipolar disorder symptoms- today for example: I got up and had a hard time focusing on what I    (this is hilarious- I just went back to read this and see that I just left this sentence hanging!)

I want to write a blog every day, but I’m  certainly having trouble writing this. I having thoughts that say- “What’s the point? It’s just writing and writing all over again. Why don’t you get a career you love? If you didn’t have to make money, you wouldn’t even be here. Life is pointless and lonely.” (Isn’t depression lovely!)

Today is definitely tough.
I’m in my new office, but my office mates aren’t here. My brain is telling me I’m lonely and my life is pointless, so being around people would help. But they’re not here so I have to deal with it.

I realized one day- with perfect clarity- that I didn’t want bipolar disorder to control my life. I did everything possible to change everything that was making me more ill. I had to find my triggers and reduce them or stop them. Then I kept trying meds until I found Lamictal. Today is hard- just writing this is causing anxiety. So I will leave it here for a minute and come back to it. I don’t have to want to do something to get it done, nor do I have to feel like doing something in order to get it done. I have to get through it by any means possible.

I could go on and on here- but my biggest piece of advice is to focus on the outcome of a project. If you focus on the project itself you will get overwhelmed. I know that if I stay here I will not only get work done, I will feel better when I do go see friends later this evening.

All of your excellent questions are answered in my books with a lot more detail- these are big questions so I can’t do them justice here. All people with bipolar disorder have them. I’ve managed to create a life where I can get things done because I use my own work on a daily basis. It’s already written down so I don’t have to constantly try new things. I want to leave my office right now and go somewhere to ‘feel better.’ But I know myself well- I will feel 100% better if I stay here and work.

I am so anxious – my focus is that of a seven year old! I’m staring and this and then I realize I’m not even looking at the page. I’m in some kind of catatonic fugue. But I will keep going because I know what outcome I want for today. I know you can do the same. It takes time. I’ve been using my system for ten years – it’s fully in place now with myself and all of the people in my life. I’m here in my office writing this – all I want to do it get out- but get out to where? I have nothing planned until later this evening. My family is busy. I don’t want to spend money. I’m not hungry. I want to succeed with my life and business. So I will stay here.

Thanks again for your question. You can be a professional writer- it just takes a plan you can use every day! I wrote my first book only a few years ago- I used to start and stop projects and wonder why I was such a failure- when I realized it was bipolar disorder and that managing the illness helped my writing, I started to have success.
Julie

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Tags: , anxiety, bipolar disorder focus, Health Cards, Lamictal, triggers, Work

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 at 6:46 pm and is filed under Work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.