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    Bipolar disorder and morning depression…..

    I woke up depressed and stressed….

    I woke up and felt a cascade of negative thoughts.  There was a song going over and over in my head. I felt doubts about my latest book deal.  When I poured milk on my cereal, my brain started counting the way the milk came out of the container. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-

    I’ve talked to other people who have the counting thing as well. I only get it when I’m stressed or psychotic! And it always ends with eight!

    Then there are the thoughts that I will be lonely all weekend and that the article that is due tomorrow won’t get done.

    ALL LIES.

    I just want to get on with my day and I will. I have now heard all of the bad stuff my brain has to offer- for the rest of the day I will replace it with the good stuff I have to offer my brain. I will get my article done on time. I have plenty of things to do this weekend and I can create more if I want to. There is nothing wrong and life is just fine.  That is all true.

    Julie

    Related posts:   Help for Bipolar Depression: Getting out of Bed in the Morning |  Pt 2..Help for Bipolar Depression: Getting Out of Bed in the Morning |  An Unhappy Morning to a Happy Day- I can do it |





    Posted on March 14th, 2009 | Tags: , | Category: Depression

    9 comments to Bipolar disorder and morning depression…..

    • Anita
      March 15, 2009 at 2:58 pm · Reply to this comment

      Oh the counting thing!! I have that as well but my numbers go only as far as 3 and the counting is done on my fingers.The numbers cannot be in order so my pinky and thumb are number 2. My ring finger and index finger are 3 . My middle finger is 1 . What relevence this has to my everyday life living with bipolar has never made sense to me. I only know that it has been going on since I was a child . When I read your blog, I felt “normal” in the counting thing. So many things with bipolar feel ” not normal ” . Thank you for your blogs! They really help to validate the fact that we are normal . We just live with bipolar disorder everyday of our lives !

      Hi Anita,

      Ah yes, we think we are odd and then we hear that others with bipolar are just as odd which means we are all normal! I have a friend who types everything she hears on an imaginary typewriter when she gets mildly psychotic. She said she always has to hide it a bit as she types on the side of the table where she’s sitting! We had a laugh about that one. Thanks for your kind words about the blog. Julie

    • Anita
      March 15, 2009 at 3:00 pm · Reply to this comment

      Oh the counting thing!! I have that as well but my numbers go only as far as 3 and the counting is done on my fingers.The numbers cannot be in order so my pinky and thumb are number 2. My ring finger and index finger are 3 . My middle finger is 1 . What relevence this has to my everyday life living with bipolar has never made sense to me. I only know that it has been going on since I was a child . When I read your blog, I felt “normal” in the counting thing. So many things with bipolar feel ” not normal ” . Thank you for your blogs! They really help to validate the fact that we are normal . We just live with bipolar disorder everyday of our lives !

    • jen brister
      March 15, 2009 at 8:26 pm · Reply to this comment

      I do something crazy, too. Whenever I’m trying to sleep I type out whatever words I am thinking in my mind. Actually searching for the correct keyboard keys in my mind slows down how fast the words are able to come in.

    • Joanne
      March 15, 2009 at 8:44 pm · Reply to this comment

      What a relief to hear other people do things with numbers. My brain takes all the numbers i can see in a room and multiplys, divides, adds or subtracts them untill it can get back to zero. I find this really distracting and cant concentrate. Maths at school was a nightmare! Do you have any tips on stopping this.
      Thanks
      Joanne

    • debbie
      March 16, 2009 at 12:56 pm · Reply to this comment

      Oh my goodness! I have this, too. I do all that counting with laundry. I count the pieces as they go into the washer, count them when they come out. I don’t do that with the dryer, just the washer. I hate to hear others go through this but I am so relieved to hear that others go through this…..so that I am not alone! To stop doing this, I only wash once a week and tell myself over and over again not to count! not to count! Sometimes I am counting the laundry before I realize what I am doing!

      Thanks Julie for a great place to meet and talk with others with situations similiar to mine. It helps me get through the day!

      debbie

    • Denise
      March 16, 2009 at 4:42 pm · Reply to this comment

      I too count! My numbers stop at 100, however if I miss a number I have to start counting all over again. In the past I have counted how many times the windshield wiper blades swiped the window in a mile, how many cars went by me in the other lane within a 30 minute period, how many steps it takes to get to my car from the bottom of the hill (always 50). Wierd stuff like that.

    • cid in Schoharie, NY
      March 22, 2009 at 5:17 pm · Reply to this comment

      julie, i thank God for your using your disease for good. you’re awsome!
      the counting thing- i’ve always got that going on. i’m a musician and i’ve got a theory: most music is either in duple(2) or triple(3) meter. i often find myself audiating (listening in my head) a song or some piece of music, even a commercial ditty, without realizing. then when i walk down some stairs, fold a shirt, pour some milk, anything- and without forethought – count it, like this:(accent on the written #)one 2 three 4 five 6 seven 8. it’s always to 8 julie, cause that’s a 2 measure phrase in duple time – sort of a sing songy thing you hear kids do on the playground.
      The 3 thing would be triple meter: one 2 3, one 2 3 – like a waltz.
      it’s not the case for all “counting things” but maybe for some. rhythmic moving/counting, is soothing, comforting, calming.
      that’s my take on it anyway.

      keep up the good work everybody.

    • Jen
      March 25, 2009 at 6:06 am · Reply to this comment

      I notice I count the most when I’m anxious or stressed. The most common number for me to count to is 8, although sometimes I’ll go up to about 150. I think the comment about music may be pretty relevant. I “hear” the tone of the numbers as if they were spoken. If someone asks me to repeat a huge list of numbers, I can do it perfectly since I remember the tone of each number.
      A doctor recommended counting sheep to induce sleep, but I would be up forever if I did that! I also have an unusual memory for numbers & can remember all kinds of phone numbers, even for businesses or people I’ve called just a couple times. My husband uses me for a phone directory.

    • Jen
      March 25, 2009 at 6:12 am · Reply to this comment

      I just remembered something that is helping me with the negative lies our brains tell us with that morning depression. Someone told me to talk back to the lies (just internally unless you’re alone, I guess!) Anyway, when I start hearing all the negative thoughts, I just say “Nice.” I stretch the word out and make it drip with sarcasm. It helps stop the negative thoughts, at least temporarily, if I can scoff at them.

      Hi Jen,

      That is hilarious! I will remember that… niiiiiiiice. It talks back to that voice that can be so very ridiculous.

      julie

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