Romantic Loneliness
I am listening to a beautiful song by John Legend as I write this. I also just read an email from a great guy who talked about going to bed alone again. I believe that all of us long for love!
I know that I do. When a person gets depressed and doesn’t have the love of a partner, it can be tough- that is for sure!
I made a decision to be celibate for 2008. I did it. I am doing it again in 2009. This is an odd decision for an extreme extrovert who loves being with people- especially men! But it’s a decision I had to make. I’ve been in relationships for all of my adult life. A few years ago after some really poor relationship choices- many born of naiveté – I just wanted a break. If you read my work regularly, you know that I am really good at the relationships themselves, but the dating was simply hell. So I stopped.
2009 is my year of health and wealth. I have huge goals that I know I will meet. 2010 is my year for a relationship. I believe that we can have anything we want if we plan ahead and do the steps needed to reach our goals. I did this with my bipolar disorder treatment plan- and I have succeeded more than I thought possible. I can have a life again- but I don’t have it in me to deal with money, health and men at the same time. The bipolar disorder can’t handle it.
I know that in order to stay stable, I have to do things in order.
So, I go to bed alone at night and that is ok. Sure, it’s lonely sometimes. But I now have the brain space needed to make some big changes in my life. This means that when I do seek and meet the right person- my health and wealth will be the best they have ever been!
Julie
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I am in a romantic with relationship (even dealing with my bi-polar) I started seeing this person a month after I was diagnosed and put on the right medication. What I have found is that when he is not here, I too know that it is ok to go to bed alone. He is very helpful in “realing me in” when I feel the urge to spend money I shouldn’t or revert to old patterns I have with my family, particularly my mom.
Really good at relationships? What does that mean?
http://obsickboy.com
“I believe that all of us long for love.” True true.
But what is the meaning of “love.”
For me it is better just defined as acceptance. We all want to be heard, want to matter, want to be understood. We long for a smile, a glance from across the room, a nod, a wink, something that acknowledges that we are more than just any old face in the crowd. We dream of sharing our time with someone, our hopes, dreams, ideas, passions, likes and dislikes. We seek out companionship, someone to see a movie with and talk about it, someone to have a meal with and taste it together.
Unfortunately, being bi-polar has worked the other way for me, leading to rejection instead of acceptance. I can date fabulous women, but when they find out that my moods are a moving target, they begin to distance themselves, and it always ends. So “love” is not really available to me. But I can still find some level of acceptance. In places like here, or other online resources, and in the weekly support groups I attend. That is all some of us have left….
After 28 years of marriage, my husband has filed for divorce. He says my bipolar is too hard to live with. I am devastated. Also, he is having an affair and although I know my illness is a contributing factor to the demise of my marriage – another woman is not helping either. I have 3 sons and the youngest will graduate high school this year. Last October when I found out about the affair, I tried to kill myself. Fortunately, I was unsuccessful. I would take any advice about how to let go of my husband. I don’t want a divorce and am still in love with him. But he has made it clear that he does not want me. I feel thrown away. Thanks for listening. Deb