Comments on: Bipolar Disorder and Staying Well: Going to a Funeral http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/bipolar-disorder-and-staying-well-going-to-a-funeral/ by Julie A. Fast Sat, 20 Mar 2010 00:13:55 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Michelle http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/bipolar-disorder-and-staying-well-going-to-a-funeral/comment-page-1/#comment-1222 Michelle Mon, 02 Mar 2009 09:34:45 +0000 http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/2009/02/26/bipolar-disorder-and-staying-well-going-to-a-funeral/#comment-1222 About funerals, I hate them. I haven't been to many but I don't have many "stable" times and the ones I've been to have usually fallen during periods of my depression - not usually related to the death. They are triggering and sometimes traumatic. They either remind me of my dad's funeral or make me think about what my funeral might be like if I killed myself. They are both not things I want or need to be thinking of. So when a close family friend died of cancer last fall my mom naturally expected me to go to the funeral. But I didn't. I had recently gotten out of the hospital for my bipolar and I just couldn't take it. I knew that and I wasn't about to go anyway and freak out there in front of a bunch of people I haven't seen in ages at an event that has nothing to do with me. You know? So I chose not to go and to take care of me. She was angry, so angry, but I didn't let it phase me. I did feel guilty but not for very long. A few months ago I saw the lady's daughter, who I grew up with, and husband and apologized for not having been there. They said not to worry about it and that it was fine. All the hullabaloo about me needing to go to show my support was just that, hullabaloo. They already knew they had my love and support, whether I was there in person or not. About funerals, I hate them. I haven’t been to many but I don’t have many “stable” times and the ones I’ve been to have usually fallen during periods of my depression – not usually related to the death. They are triggering and sometimes traumatic. They either remind me of my dad’s funeral or make me think about what my funeral might be like if I killed myself. They are both not things I want or need to be thinking of.

So when a close family friend died of cancer last fall my mom naturally expected me to go to the funeral. But I didn’t. I had recently gotten out of the hospital for my bipolar and I just couldn’t take it. I knew that and I wasn’t about to go anyway and freak out there in front of a bunch of people I haven’t seen in ages at an event that has nothing to do with me. You know? So I chose not to go and to take care of me. She was angry, so angry, but I didn’t let it phase me. I did feel guilty but not for very long. A few months ago I saw the lady’s daughter, who I grew up with, and husband and apologized for not having been there. They said not to worry about it and that it was fine. All the hullabaloo about me needing to go to show my support was just that, hullabaloo. They already knew they had my love and support, whether I was there in person or not.

]]> By: Aaron http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/bipolar-disorder-and-staying-well-going-to-a-funeral/comment-page-1/#comment-1199 Aaron Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:28:45 +0000 http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/2009/02/26/bipolar-disorder-and-staying-well-going-to-a-funeral/#comment-1199 Hi julie, I absolutely adore your stuff and I was wondering. Since I'm new to this whole blog thing I dont know if this is the right kind of question to be asking but here goes I am on medication for my bipolar and its great it helps me feel alot better than the usual. But there is one constant and I don't know if you can help me with this question or not but here goes. I have this god aweful tendency to just... lash out at people? for example a friend of mine dosent talk to me for one day and the whole day for some reason I'm sitting there thinking about her, dwelling on the fact that she wont talk to me, Shes my best friend but I have freaked out on her a couple of times and when I feel low I get so very close to doing it again. I'm just wondering if there is any strategies for coping with these terrible terrible outbursts before I push her any more away from me. I've tried explaining that I can't always help the outbursts, But shes... Too much of a happy person she can't understand why somebody can feel this way. However she loves me and is still here and supportive of me. Do you think there is anything I can say to change the perception or just let it be until she DOES understand? All I know is that shes a very very special person to me and hate hurting her. Sincerely -Aaron Hi julie, I absolutely adore your stuff and I was wondering. Since I’m new to this whole blog thing I dont know if this is the right kind of question to be asking but here goes
I am on medication for my bipolar and its great it helps me feel alot better than the usual. But there is one constant and I don’t know if you can help me with this question or not but here goes. I have this god aweful tendency to just… lash out at people? for example a friend of mine dosent talk to me for one day and the whole day for some reason I’m sitting there thinking about her, dwelling on the fact that she wont talk to me, Shes my best friend but I have freaked out on her a couple of times and when I feel low I get so very close to doing it again. I’m just wondering if there is any strategies for coping with these terrible terrible outbursts before I push her any more away from me. I’ve tried explaining that I can’t always help the outbursts, But shes… Too much of a happy person she can’t understand why somebody can feel this way. However she loves me and is still here and supportive of me. Do you think there is anything I can say to change the perception or just let it be until she DOES understand? All I know is that shes a very very special person to me and hate hurting her.
Sincerely
-Aaron

]]> By: Stu http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/bipolar-disorder-and-staying-well-going-to-a-funeral/comment-page-1/#comment-1168 Stu Fri, 27 Feb 2009 01:54:58 +0000 http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/2009/02/26/bipolar-disorder-and-staying-well-going-to-a-funeral/#comment-1168 Julie: you often write about getting help from family and friends with your bipolar. I don't ask for help well to begin with and I certainly don't ask outside a fairly small circle of intimates. I have a very sensitive and confidential business and am concerned if I go too public with my illness it could hurt that. I don't think the mental health problem stigma is just in my head. I have thought it may be something like a gay person "coming out" if I were to openly share my situation. With the internet and so many ways that information is passed these days, I've elected to stay mum with many of my relationships. I think it is different for you as you've elected to confront bipolar publicly and in fact, make a living from that confrontation and what flows from it. What do you advise someone like me in revealing this information (for instance, I will go to NAMI group therapy sessions but don't do their yearly walk to raise awareness)? Hi Stu, I reallly like your question as it addresses so many of the issues we face when it comes time to talk about bipolar disorder. I will answer this soon and put it on the blog or in a newsletter. Julie Julie: you often write about getting help from family and friends with your bipolar. I don’t ask for help well to begin with and I certainly don’t ask outside a fairly small circle of intimates. I have a very sensitive and confidential business and am concerned if I go too public with my illness it could hurt that. I don’t think the mental health problem stigma is just in my head. I have thought it may be something like a gay person “coming out” if I were to openly share my situation. With the internet and so many ways that information is passed these days, I’ve elected to stay mum with many of my relationships.
I think it is different for you as you’ve elected to confront bipolar publicly and in fact, make a living from that confrontation and what flows from it.

What do you advise someone like me in revealing this information (for instance, I will go to NAMI group therapy sessions but don’t do their yearly walk to raise awareness)?

Hi Stu,

I reallly like your question as it addresses so many of the issues we face when it comes time to talk about bipolar disorder. I will answer this soon and put it on the blog or in a newsletter. Julie

]]> By: Sandy http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/bipolar-disorder-and-staying-well-going-to-a-funeral/comment-page-1/#comment-1165 Sandy Thu, 26 Feb 2009 23:27:46 +0000 http://bipolarhappens.com/bhblog/2009/02/26/bipolar-disorder-and-staying-well-going-to-a-funeral/#comment-1165 Hi Julie, I'm bipolar 2 and always read your blog..thanks for all you do. I would just like to give my input on funerals. I understand if your very sick, it's far away or it makes you very ill that you would not go. However, NOBODY likes funerals, so I would hope people wouldn't use it as an excuse. I lost my Dad when I was 32 and my Mom 10 months later. It was a VERY hard time for me...also an only child. I can't tell you how much every person helped me through!!!!!! After all of that, I read the obits everyday and make it to EVERY wake or funeral of good friends or family (not if I am sick). I know everyone is different, but if you can go PLEASE do! Sandy Hi Sandy, Thanks so much for your input. I love it that blogs let people hear all sides of the story. It's good to hear your side- I always have to remember that my opinion is only one and the more opinions a person has to choose from- the better! Julie Hi Julie,

I’m bipolar 2 and always read your blog..thanks for all you do.

I would just like to give my input on funerals. I understand if your very sick, it’s far away or it makes you very ill that you would not go. However, NOBODY likes funerals, so I would hope people wouldn’t use it as an excuse.

I lost my Dad when I was 32 and my Mom 10 months later. It was a VERY hard time for me…also an only child. I can’t tell you how much every person helped me through!!!!!!

After all of that, I read the obits everyday and make it to EVERY wake or funeral of good friends or family (not if I am sick).

I know everyone is different, but if you can go PLEASE do!

Sandy

Hi Sandy,

Thanks so much for your input. I love it that blogs let people hear all sides of the story. It’s good to hear your side- I always have to remember that my opinion is only one and the more opinions a person has to choose from- the better! Julie

]]>