This post actually follows a thread I started about four entries ago….
Surviving a Terrible Down Swing
I got very hypomanic yesterday. I wrote about it earlier and wrote a newsletter about it. Of course, it’s very easy to write when you’re hypomanic. But when it was going on, I could tell it was going to spin out of control. I managed to stay well enough not to do something stupid.
The problem is what I’m going through now. I woke up in a terrible downswing. Just terrible. Crying with suicidal thoughts. Just awful. I feel sorry for myself! Then my good friend Karen had to cancel our evening plans. I always feel better when I go out with Karen, so this was a blow. I just cried and cried. The tears come so easily when you’re suicidal. I started talking myself out of this downswing. I thought of what I said in Get it Done When You’re Depressed and then took action.
I called my dear friend John and asked him to meet me for happy hour. He was available. He’s compassionate, but very realistic when I get sick. I’ve taught him to remind me it’s an illness. I can’t wallow in the depression.
I called my friend Sherri who has Bipolar I. She’s not doing well today either. So I reminded her IT’S BIPOLAR. We have to remember that. I saw her the day before and we weren’t depressed. It’s an illness. It’s a mood swing and not real.
And then I called my mom and said, “Let’s go to a movie.” I will be happy to spend time with my mom.
Action is what matters when you’re super depressed. Action takes care of the depression if only for a few hours- and during those few hours you can do more things to make you feel better.
I am feeling better- it took about 10 hours. I always want to go to bed feeling better than when I woke up.
Julie
PS: I did feel a lot better by the time I went to bed. It’s so important to have friends you can call. I started over with friends when I moved to Portland, Oregon in 2002- and now have many. It was hard work to become a good friend! If you click on the relationship tab on the right under subjects, I talk more about making friends.
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Thank you Julie! I too am sliding down the slippery slope of mania. It started for me with the inability to sleep. I am addicted to the “Retro” tv channelshows from the 70’s etc and I have watched them unceasingly. I make up random endings in my head with thoughts racing and feeling like I don’t need to sleep.
Then I take Trazodone and still am wide awake.
I also have realized that with the spring my mania is whipping up, I recognize my 3 patterns as Melissa has said, the “3 S’s”. I have even had to cut some people out of my life as they add dangerously to the mania.Of course they are dis-appointed, but I realize now how much they add the gasoline to the fire already burning out of control. I find that people don’t know how to take us when we identify the mania and we aren’t so “wild and the life of the party” so to speak.
I also get out your book, I remember when I swing from mania to dep-ression and suicidal thoughts (like last week when a doctor yelled at me) I need to treat Bipolar first.
I am glad to hear that you recognized what was going on and pursued alternatives. Once again, you give me hope! C
Once AGAIN, Julie indulges in a whine fest. I feel she has more personality problems than bipolar problems, as every single day there seems to be either a depression or a mania. Seems to me that bipolar doesn’t work that way, mood swings are not that rapid, not so rapid they can be attributed to bipolar but to something else. Probably something else. Does she go to therapy? That may be help a lot.
Hi Helen,
Thanks for your honest comment. I need them! I responded on today’s blog post. julie
Helen says, “mood swings are not that rapid”. There is such a thing as rapid cycling bipolar. Some days I can alternate between depression and mania in a matter of hours.
I WISH it was merely a personality problem that could be cured with therapy. It helps as do the meds but some days and hours are better than others. Oh, yeah, I’ve also experienced mixed states (depression and mania at the same time). It feels like I have my foot on the gas and the brakes at the same time. No fun.
Hi Kathleen,
That is one of the best descriptions of an mixed episode that I have ever read! May I quote you? Julie
Hi Julie,
You absolutely may quote me..I certainly quote you to my friends and family so that they may better understand this illness and me.
Thanks for all your hard work in expanding the knowledge of bipolar beyond the clinical.