Sucidal thoughts are normal when you have bipolar disorder. I was really stressed the day before my new radio show last week. I was on a busy road and saw a red light up ahead. My mind said, “Julie, you can just run that red light and a car will hit you and all will be taken care of!” These thoughts used to scare me a lot. I now know they’re a response to stress. My friend Lani, who was the guest on the show that day said, “Well, your brain thought is was helping!”
So true. These thoughts are not real. They are manufactured by a bipolar brain. Don’t listen.
Julie
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I think about this sometimes. I know it is just my thoughts playing tricks on me. I have to remind myself that this too shall pass and better days are ahead.
I’ve tried everything but nothing works, even talking to myself. I’m at the end of my rope, truly. I have a plan & a date set for soon. I cannot subject myself to another horrid winter with debilitating depression & fighting for months with suicidal thoughts. I’ve had enough! My thought is: SOMEONE has to be a “statistic”; why not me?
here is my long response- I love the other comment that was left as well- I hope this is helping you! you are loved and supported by people who don’t know you, but we do know the illness:
Hi,
I just got your comment. I am going to say to you what I say to myself when I get suicidal= that’s bipolar disorder talking. Period. You are inside there wanting to get out. You want help. It’s a god awful rotten illness when it makes you feel this way. Just awful. I can remember being so depressed I could hardly move. Who wouldn’t want to end that? I would if it were permanent- but depression is not permanent. It’s an illness.
I have been suicidal off and on since age 19. I thought it was an option- now I realize it was a symptom.
Here are some questions:
What is your diagnosis? If it’s bipolar disorder, then what you’re feeling right now is 100% normal. 100%. I say this throughout my books. If you had diabetes you are now in the equivalent of an insulin shock. That requires medical help just as you need medical help.
If you were on the side of the road with a broken leg- you would look for someone to come by and help – and they would. So I am helping now. Here are your options.
Remind yourself that it’s depression. You came to this web site= that isn’t a coincidence! You wrote on this blog and I just happened to read one more email before I walked out the door. No coincidence there. I was literally about to turn off my computer and your email beeped.
Who can you call right now? There are suicide help lines- if you go to http://www.moodgarden.org there is a lot of help. You can read from other people who have been where you are.
When you have a plan, it means the thoughts are taking over. What can you say to yourself to take the real you back from your bipolar manufactured thoughts?
Who is your health care professional and can you call them right now? I’m always honest when I’m suicidal. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. If there is not anyone, walk to any emergency room and tell them the truth- that is why they are there.
My partner Ivan was once so suicidal he could hardly talk- and then he got the right meds and he came back within a few hours. It happens.
People are statistics because they don’t know that there is hope: Here is the hope for you:
If you are really desperate – there is ECT and it can be extremely successful. My dear friend Gayathri had it and it saved her life. You can now read about her at http://www.mindbeautiful.org All she thought about was suicide and knew she needed help. Her family took her to the hospital. And now she lives with depression, but she has a good life.
I can go on and on here simply because you are in the middle of a serious illness with serious symptoms- the meds work because it is an illness. You can keep trying with the meds as well- they finally worked for me.
Who can you call right now? It may be hard to pick up the phone, but you won’t regret it.
I always say, “I have bipolar disorder and I’m suicidal;”- and I’ve always gotten help.
You don’t want to die- you want to end the pain of the illness so that you can lead a joyous life. It takes time and it takes professional help- but I promise you that your life can and will be better once you treat this as an illness. Depression is the problem- not you – you are wonderful.
Julie