I flounder without a very rigid schedule. If I have too much free time, the thoughts take over and life can get pretty miserable. When I’m well, I don’t have to worry about this, but as I deal with depression pretty regularly, I realize that being scheduled is a lot better than the ‘let’s see what happens’ mentality.
Those on disability or those who can’t work much still need set schedules in order to stay happy and stable. My dear friend Sherri and I talk about this all of the time. Since her manic episode in 2007, she has not been able to work like she used to- and yet she still needs to work intellectually! It’s a rotten situation to be in. So we talk a lot about her schedule and what she can do on the days she doesn’t work. You can only meet so many friends and go to so many coffee shops. She already has a masters’ degree and unless she takes PhD courses, university classes are often not challenging enough.
Her current dose of Zyprexa also causes cognitive problems and physical slowness- when you’re super smart as Sherri is- it’s frustrating because you can see what the illness does to you- She will go down on the Zyprexa in a few weeks- it was raised when she tried a night job. She now knows she can’t work late at night. Last week, we sat down and created a list of what she can do on the three days she doesn’t work. It was a good list and she can now create a schedule around the list! This is how I have to do it as I work on my own.
Wow, those of us with bipolar disorder are amazing people considering what we have to go through. Sherri is my hero. I know I say that a lot. She has Bipolar I which is hard to deal with.
Julie
PS: Sherri is going to answer questions on this blog- so feel free to write and ask her some good ones!
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My son is 39 and was diagnosed in 2000 with Bipolar 1 and since that time has had many changes of meds. The worst experience was the depakote. The doctor put him on a very high dosage and the side effects just took over his life totally….he has gradually come off of it and is just on his Geodon and Ativan(as needed). He is functioning much better. As I read your blog faithfully, I see that Lamictal is spoken about freqently, but I would like to hear some comments from others about their experiences and side effects taking Depakote.
Thanks.
Carolyn
As a college professor with a Ph.D. who taught for 15 years before having a very serious bout with the illness in 2007, I can attest to the issue of the irony of knowing what it is doing to you cognitively and, I would suggest, spiritually. I lost my job because of this, so I know. Is the cure worse than the disease? I have to wonder. (I’m on Invega, after everything else) in addition to the Lamictal, etc.
I can relate. I am a writer in a high-pressure full-time journalism job. I live with bpII with features of ADD and OCD. (Meds are Depakote and Strattera, with the possibility to soon add an anti-depressant, probably Prozac.) What I struggle with most along intellectual/spiritual lines is the fact that I seem to present myself many times as a person with dual and opposing facets. I am an intense, driven and proven successful person in my field with the penchant to pore over projects, revise, and not let go of them until deadline time is upon me, in a quest for full accuracy and near-perfection. Some would see me as “having it all together.” However, I’m also the person who has a hard time finishing those projects and who procrastinates to the Nth degree, even on exciting, desired projects. Some would see me as one who “can’t get it together.” It depends on when they are observing or interacting with me.
I really struggle with the duality of this illness. Spiritually, I struggle with the (false, in my faith walk) belief that I am “too broken” for God. I often feel my well self is “good” while my ill self is “bad.” This stems, I think, from me judging myself not on who I am or Whose I am (God’s), but instead on what I _do_ at any given moment. I don’t believe in my head that I am “too broken,” but my heart struggles with it every day.
Hi,
Thanks for this wonderful comment. Yes, we can struggle every day- that is for sure. But what matters is that we keep doing all we can to lessen the struggle until it’s only a few days a week, then a few weeks a month and possibly even just a few months a year! I am on the few days a week phase, but I always hope !:)
My book GEt it Done WHen You’re Depressed helps a lot with work related procrastination- ADHD.
I’m very glad you can work! julie