I always say that I wish I could work full time. I really, really love to work full time. I mean 40 hours a week- the normal stuff. I keep thinking I can do it. Intellectually I can! Yesterday, I gave a two hour talk to a great group on the topic of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I spent a few hours prepping for the class. It was all of the logistic stuff I can’t stand- getting books ready- copying my handout. But gosh, it wasn’t rocket science! After I gave the talk, it was around 4PM. I felt like I had been on a ten hour walk. IT WAS RIDICULOUS!
But this is what happens to me. My body gives out- I think it’s the adrenaline of working for eight hours. My other friends with bipolar disorder experience the same thing. It doesn’t happen all of the time, but it’s definitely a work thing when I have to be around people. But I love to be around people and teach!
Julie
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me too julie . . . you and your bloggers/fans are wonderful. i am so tired . . . but so greatful to be working! (part time) well, time to take the seroquel!
nichol
I teach children with Learning Disabilities full-time. We have small classes – no more the 12 – and two fully certified teachers in each classroom. Sounds easy, right?
This year, I have my hands incredibly full with little ones with big problems that demand my complete attention all day. Very little down time. While I love the work, it can be extremely fatiguing, and more often than in other years, I’m arriving home ready to collapse in bed.
I’ve discovered that I cannot tolerate any sort of incident that affects my internal harmony. Kids’ stuff is fine – I’m used to that. But adult disharmony really upsets me. I had to leave the classroom during a free period two days ago because my co-teacher was calling to complain to a bank about something. I’ve learned not to remain in the room when something like that happens.
I also know I have to have an easing into the workday period so I arrive early. I need the time to switch to teacher mode and get all the preparations done without hurrying, which would just undo me.
I know I need to eat well, to fuel my body. I have a refrigerator in the classroom to keep healthy snacks.
My supervisors know about my BP and are really good about it, too. I’ve explained what my triggers are, and they’ve adjusted accordingly, thank the good Lord!
So, I’m in an environment that, for the most part, understands my BP. There are days that I just have to work through it, but working with kids, it’s easy to forget whatever was troubling. I wish, though, that I could take a few more days off for those days when I really need the recuperation time after a particularly difficult BP time for me. But I can’t.
Good thing I love my job, and most of the people I work with!
Sandra
I find I get very tired after a productive day. Sometimes, for me, the added fatigue is medication side-effects.
The “tiredness” from activity adds to the sleepiness from med side-effects and it wins over and above any energy I may have had to “fight” against simply the med-induced sleepiness. The added sleepiness then “rules” for awhile.
When having to do any activities that are draining, as opposed to “energizing,” this can also too easily occur.
I try to remain mindful of including something I find “energizing,” without being overly stimulating. This helps me to achieve a more balanced, rather than a fully depleted, “state.”
It is always a “fine line.”
I must practice, practice, practice!
Take care!
I am totally on the same page with hopeful heart. I work full-time and am relatively stable, but most evenings I am completely depleted. I literally have to push through and force myself to accomplish just the basic tasks. I get 8-9 hours of Ambien-induced sleep at night, so it’s not that I need more sleep…my body is just screeching to a halt after a long day of work. It is so frustrating sometimes.
I work full-time with a hectic schedule as a journalist. I am working on recovering stability and re-entering remission after about eight months of significant depression that really caused me to struggle to keep my head above water. (I was in pretty much good remission for about a dozen years – I really was at the height of my stability in 2006-beginning 2008 – and then a prescribed steroid triggered a slight mania, which crashed into depression.) Even on my best days in remission, I find that sometimes I just get “maxed out,” where I feel emotionally and physically overwhelmed or drained to the point where it is painful to push through different tasks (i.e. writing stories, talking with sources.) I try to cope by acknowledging that if I need to stop and give myself a rest, say, at the end of the day, then I need to pick up my work early in the morning to still meet my deadlines. It doesn’t always work, as I also struggle with perfectionism and procrastination – I tend to not want to work on something when I feel “bad” because I have the irrational fear it will turn out “bad” and be a “bad representation” of me or who I am.
*Sigh* But, Julie, your book “Getting It Done When You’re Depressed” has been a help. Even just picking it up and flipping through it when I was very depressed and couldn’t even really focus well to decide on one segment to read was somewhat of a comfort. I do think the most helpful thing for me is to get myself to where I need to be (shower, work computer, home computer, etc.) to start the task. I find that I feel better doing things if I can just start them – Usually it’s like, “Well, I’ve gotten ready so I might as well, even though I don’t feel like it.” I also use a mantra that goes like this: “I may not _want_ to do (x), but I _can_, so I _will._” I try to be honest with myself to discern, do I really need a break today (i.e. day off, work from home, come home early) or can I push through this even though I am uncomfortable?
Julie, thank you for your reading materials, for sharing what works for you and for sharing about your experiences. Also, thanks for providing this forum where we who are living with bp can communicate.
I have had bipolar for 26 years this year and but by the grace of God have always worked. I do get really tired though and in the evenings I’m grateful that my husband does the cooking and washing up and I just do what I can and go to bed at 8.30pm. My biggest struggle is the anger that comes with the tiredness. So if I’ve had a particularly big week (like this week) I’ll spend the next 3 days taking out every single frusttraion out on my husband. Thankfully he doesn’t bite back but it doesn’t encourage or build him up and for that I feel so guilty. I know this is the issue for us, but I’m not sure how to gte around it, especially since I’m the main bread winner.