It’s often hard for people with bipolar disorder to know what is reasonable and what is unacceptable. If you’re born with a certain kind of brain- it makes you say and do things that are normal to you. For example, people with bipolar disorder get stressed a lot more easily than the general population. They get more angry- cry more- try to kill themselves more- and definitely get higher than anyone without the illness when it comes to mania.
But that is natural behavior for us! It’s not ok and it’s certainly not a very productive way to live- but it’s what our brains do. So it makes sense that we will all have to learn what is reasonable and acceptable.
How can you stop behavior that is unacceptable and non productive? I have found an answer that took me a long time to master, but I’ve kept at it for 10 years and it’s working.
Here is the answer: I regularly examine how my behavior is affecting all of the people in my life. Do they want to be around me? Do I have friends who actually think I’m a cool person? Do people avoid me? Am I able to listen to someone without talking about my troubles all of the time? And most importantly, so people keep telling me that what I do is not ok and that they want me to stop?
Bipolar disorder is sneaky- you would think that the above would be rather easy- you simply have to look and listen to the people in your life and change your behavior, right? Wrong- our brains are fighting reasonable self reflection. Bipolar depression and bipolar mania lie to us and make it difficult to answer the above questions. But it can be done! How would you answer the questions today? And if you love someone with bipolar disorder, how would they answer the questions?
Julie
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Hi Julie
I agree totally with what you have written. I started doing this about 5 years ago and it improved my relationships, work etc hugely. The mistake i made was i looked to other people to much for how i was behaving. In doing this i completely lost who i was. This led to a year long severe mixed episode (which i am proud to say i am finally coming out of). I am starting to find myself again. There seems to be such a fine line between who you are and what is bipolar. It is so difficult dealing with something that just sneaks up on you. Even when you are reasonably stable it just comes out of the blue then can disappear just as quick. Am finally starting to accept that its not going to go away and i have to learn ways of dealing with it instead. I am making changes to my work load as now realise managing bipolar needs to come first. Your comment about this being a job in itself has really helped and made me feel much better about saying i cant cope with full time work just now
Bipolar is sneaky.
I got manicky and turned into a mixed episode in March 2009. I didn’t get enough sleep during day light savings time and I took on a two week sub job from hades. Then I went to Las Vegas to be out in the sun for Spring Break. I was really flying high when I got back to school. I wasn’t able to come down until my pdoc put me on Lamictal beginning of May. I waited for the med’s to get into my system but I broke in a rash by mid June. The med’s were helping me but they became toxic to me too. I had to go to the ER. I broke out in a rash from toe to head…in that order! I stayed in bed for two weeks until my rash healed up. I was feeling pretty down and out too. When I went back for my appointment, the pdoc thought my mixed moods subsided and decided to put me back on Wellbutrin and clonzapam.
My question is; I’m having a terrible time going back to work as a substitute teacher. I’m not ready for prime time yet and its frustrating the crap out of me that I can’t keep up like the other teachers. I went to my old school I sub last year but I was having flash backs when my mania started. I felt really uncomfortable especially when I was confronted with four behavior problem students. The para wasn’t in that day.
This recent episode was the worst episode to date for me. It was totally different from my run of the mill depressions. I told my coordinator I needed to stay away from that school until next year.
It’s been real tough climb trying to get myself back together again. What is wrong with me and why is it taking me so long?
The school has put me on light duty assignments which is nice but I want to be out there with the major players. My fellow teachers have been very supportive but very naive; they think I have elderly mother problems and that caused my recent episode! They’re starting to irritate me now with their nonsense.
My self esteem and pride is in a shabbles.
With all that electrical storm going on in my brain for the last six months do I need more rest to recover?
Is this normal?
Hi Joanne,
I am so very impressed with what you have done. It takes a lot of time to change- but I always remind myself that the time is going to pass anyway- I might as well make the most of it and become a person I actually like! Thanks for writing. Julie
I am going thru it today. Just made an appt with my psych for tomorrow. I been throwing my pills up (9 of them) Lamictal, Lithium, Abilify, Cymbalta) for 2 weeks now. So technically i been off my meds for 2 weeks. I am out of control. I feel so bad. I think I am going to take short term disability at work. I cant go on like this. all i do is sleep.
Hey Julie!
Like Joanne above I am having to make changes to my work schedule to take better care of myself but I guess I’m kind of going kicking and screaming. I lost my driver’s license in August because of a blackout that led to a car accident. That led to the discovery by my doctors that I was letting my manic play at night rather than using my Bipap machine regularly. It was determined that I was probably sleep deprived before the accident. Now I’m on a strict bedtime and med schedule and my psych prescriber has severely limited my work hours. I know it’s necessary but it’s really hard to take for me. I’m re-reading your newsletters on acceptance and going back through your books, revamping my health cards and working to using them more. Any input would be great.
Hi Julie,
I was just reading that monkeys when exposed to a threat as a group, produced much lower( or none) levels of stress hormones than when they tried to confront a perceived threat on their own. …stick with your posse as much as you can!! They help to lower your stress response and cope. !! I agree also to try really hard not to alienate them
Hi Julie, you mention that people coping with bipolar cry more; this is the first time I have seen this information. I am diagnosed PTSD an Bipolar II and have been a cryer since my teens. I have a history of avoiding relationships or situations that could put me in a situation where there is a trigger that would cause me to cry. Do you have any wisdom about crying – what it means, how to control etc?
Hi…
I have in past month been diagnosed with Bipolar 1, this has been a hard pill for me to swallow. I am 40, and have “known” I was not right since I was 17. I couldn’t allow myself to admit I had a problem until recently. I feel tainted and ashamed for many of my actions. This past week my husband discovered I have been having an affair for months now, not so much sexual as emotional, I truly believe I have blown my life to bits. How can I express to my husband that it isn’t him or me not loving him…it is almost as if I feel I hate myself and must destroy everything around me. The meds are beginning to help the crazy thoughts quiet down inside my head, but it doesn’t change the damage I have already done. How do I repair this now that I feel I have began to repair me? May you all fend the inner peace we all seek.
I am feeling the same way. Destroying my marriage and relationship with my kids. I also had affairs. Ended up telling my husband because I couldn’t live with the guilt. All my guilt built up about all the wrong things I’ve done in my life. It was unbearable to hold in any more. Worst mistake I made was telling him. We are trying to get back on track but it is hard with bipolar. The ups and downs make it seem impossible sometimes.