If you’re new to bipolar disorder lingo- there are two kinds of mania: Euphoric (we all love it when it first starts!) and the dreaded dysphoric mania, also known as agitated mania.
I’m what’s known as an ultradian rapid cycler. I rarely go more than a few days without a mood swing and sometimes have four or five mood swings a day. It’s unpleasant.
But I’ve never had a lot of dysporic mania which is probably why I missed this off and on six week episode.
For weeks I said I was unhappy, miserable, bored, worn out and sick of my work. I kept saying, “I just want to get out of here. I want to leave Portland. I’ve got to get on a plane and leave this awful life!” My therapist said, “I’ve never seen you this bad Julie. You’re negative about everything. This isn’t you!” I said, “Yes, it is. You don’t understand. I’ve got to get out of here!”
A week ago I woke up and felt truly stable. I simply got out of bed and did my thing without a struggle and that’s when it hit me.
It was dysphoric mania – sneaky and deadly.
I’m glad it’s over. And I’m glad I didn’t get on a plane like I have so many times in the past.
PS: The comments on this blog were amazing. Here is a link to check them out:
PSS: I love this magazine. I believe that everyone with the illnes and all who care about someone with bipolar disorder can get a lot of great info just in one magazine! You can get a subscription from the website.
In fact. I will give away a subscription right now! For the first person who goes to the link above and leaves a comment on the post- let me know and I’ll send you a yearly subscription to BP Magazine! (You can come back to this blog and leave a comment with your name and that you want to win the contest!)
It’s now 11:00 PST on Monday July 4th.