I have an interesting story to tell. Here is a blog from a few months ago. As you may know, my depression can get pretty darn severe- and I often think it will never end. I then have a story at the end that is very hopeful.
Will This Depression Ever End and Can Anyone Help Me?
When I’m seriously depressed every single minute feels like I’m living in hell and I am just closer and closer to death.
I sometimes get so depressed that I can’t move my head or have a conversation. I still make myself get out and do things. I cry and I feel I can’t go on, but I do. I feel better for having done something. Every minute when I’m well is filled with possibility because I can choose what to feel and what to do. People take this for granted. They take for granted that they can decide not to be mad about something or not to let others bother them.
Bipolar disorder is not about fixing problems. I can fix my problems. I have a choice with that. The main problem I have is that I can’t always fix bipolar disorder. I can manage it, but I can’t fix something that is so broken. I feel this will last forever and that nothing will change for the future. I will be alone and old and have no purpose. What is the point of my life?
**
Here is what’s amazing. I find that I am getting better as I can now go through extremely stressful situations that would have led to months and months of depression – without actually getting depressed. This is a miracle. I call it mastering my bipolar disorder management. Or as my friend Elizabeth says, “Julie, you have become highly skilled in dealing with the mood swings. I still get sick a lot, but having a glimpse of how things can be keeps me going. My message to you and the message I tell myself even when I am super sick is keep going. There will be a time when things get better.
julie
Related posts: Bipolar Depression vs. Sadness Pt I | Bipolar Depression vs. Sadness Pt II | Hope for people with what seems like never ending depression! |


Sometimes I read my journal from a depressed day and cannot even remember how it felt to feel that bad. On the days I feel depressed and I read good days in my journal, I can’t remember how THAT felt. It always helps to know that literally, “this too will pass”, for bipolar is exactly that. Depression comes, and it goes. Yea for good days!
There is one thing that never ceases to amaze me: how when I’m in a good mood I can’t remember how bad it is to be depressed, and when I am depressed, I can’t imagine what it is like to feel good. I always say, “next time I will remember” but I never do. How can that be?
Cee
Hi Cee,
I am going to answer this on on my BP Magazine (Bipolar Magazine) blog, here is the link:
http://www.bphope.com/bphopeblog/
My posts go up every Thursday.
Julie