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    Bipolar depression and anxiety: A tough, tough day.. once again!

    I’ve had WAY to many mood swings in the last six weeks- i counted 23 on my daily mood swing chart. That’s too many. I’m examining what is going on in my life so that I can really stay focused on my bipolar disorder treatment plan. But it’s hard. Writing a blog seems like too much of an effort! But I know it’s not. It’s a lot more effort to not do something. I had a choice when I walked into my house- to worry about being to sick to look at my email and do a blog- or to do it and save the hours of worry I would have that I’m not working enough. Speaking of working, I haven’t been able to work very consistently for the past six weeks- but I keep going. It’s better than not working at all!

    I feel better when I get things done. I’m off to [ Read More ]





    Posted on May 16th, 2009 | Tags: , , , | Category: About Julie

    Bipolar Depression Cure: The World’s Greatest Truck!

    I was really depressed the other day – and I mean really depressed. My friend Pat called and said, “How can I help you Julie? You always say that you need action when you’re depressed. So why don’t you come over and we can have dinner!”

    This is what I need when I’m sick. It was hard to say yes, but I did. I felt much better when I got there – we went to a friend’s tulip farm and had a great time with some other friends. All the while- the depression was eating away at my brain- at least that is what it felt like- but I kept going.

    On the way back to her house, we saw a truck parked next to a field. From the moment I saw it- I knew it was a message to me- Julie, no matter what happens with this illness, sometimes you just have to REALLY [ Read More ]





    Why are my moods all over the place? Hmmm .. could it be…

    Bipolar Disorder?

    Ha. ha. ha.

    I haven’t been stable for days. It’s up and down all day long. You would think that after 15 years I would at least be used to it. I’m not- I’m resigned to it and I definitely know how to deal with it- but I’ll never get used to it. I am not sure that’s possible. Let’s put it this way- I live with it. It’s all you can do.

    I have a dear friend in town. I was upset because I wanted to see her and she had other obligations. I felt like a needy, whiny friend- but I kept it to myself as she is so dear to me and I know she cares about me. Of course, she did have time planned to be with me. And then after we had spent part of the day together- which was great! I felt overwhelmed and [ Read More ]





    No Drama Bipolar Lifestyle

    One Bipolar Drama After Another!

    I used to have a lot of drama in my life. Much of it was due to my own choices, some of it was due to bipolar disorder causing me to make stupid choices, such as when I get manic.

    I have changed completely in the past few years. I’m no longer willing to make decisions and then just hope they turn out ok.

    I get too sick when I do this. I have goals in life that I want to reach- speaking to large groups on mental health, reducing the suicide rate in this country, financial stability, physical health, a great romantic relationship- big stuff for sure!

    The only way I can accomplish my goals is to examine every potential decision for disaster (drama!) from sending an angry email to saying yes to a request when I definitely need to say no. I’ve learned to ask myself the following [ Read More ]





    Sunday night- finally feeling more stable….

    I went to the wedding of an old flame of mine yesterday. Believe me- seeing someone get married is a wonderful thing- but it can be a rather depressing thing when you’re already depressed- and you’re seeing an ex look so happy! (Depression makes a person very selfish! )

    My downswing from last Thursday has continued off and on. The secret is to keep doing exactly what you would do if you were NOT depressed. That is what keeps me going. I drove to Seattle from Portland- met a dear friend and went with her to the wedding. My mom came with me on the trip- so that was nice. And all the time- I was sad and depressed on the inside – and trying hard to be normal on the outside. I did a really good job which means that I actually did have a lot of good times on the trip!

     It is possible [ Read More ]





    Just Out of the Hospital? Bipolar disorder and tiredness

    I wrote earlier that I had a horrific downswing yesterday – it was awful! I woke up fine this morning. This is just further proof that this illness can be so random and chemical.  If you or someone you care about has just come home from the hosptial- it’s important to remember that the body gets very, very worn out after bad episodes. Our bodies go through extreme physical shock during serious mood swings- especially with a full blown manic episode. It’s as though we have run a marathon- our bodies give out eventually.

    I remember when my former partner Ivan was in the hospital. I went to see him every day- and he was just so tired a lot of the time. He was in restraints for over two months.  If the staff took off the restraints he got very agitated. His strength was unbelieveable. He’s such a mild manered guy. All of this [ Read More ]





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