Hi Julie,

I am going to court tomorrow, and I have been a mess, shaky, anxious, and frustrated at everybody around me.  I feel like everything someone says is just irritating and worthless to me.  I  don’t want to be around anybody, but I know that is not healthy for me. I have been getting worse all week leading up to this stressful situation.  I am worried that I am going to have a full blown depression episode.  I cannot concentrate and am having trouble sleeping.

Hi C,

Isn’t it amazing what stress can do to our bodies and minds… I would be stressed too. It hits us harder- that’s for sure.  It’s amazing that you are aware of your anger and frustration- this means you can keep it from ruining relationships and getting you into trouble. I was majorly irritated yesterday and even yelled at a friend- I felt terrible and then realized that is not the real me and I have to manage myself better. I suggest that you have a mantra to say the rest of the day. I am angry because I am stressed and I have bipolar disorder. I will NOT take this out on other people. They are not the problem. I will NOT ruin relationships. I have made it through many tough things and I will make it through this. I know when the court session is over I will feel differently. I can do this and I will. Now, what do I need to do right now to feel better.

I talk to myself like this constantly- even with the stress is overwhelming. The truth is that you can’t get out of the court situation, so you might as well use it as a learning experience to see how well you can manage the anger.

Julie

Aggressive irritation is a unfortunate symptom of bipolar disorder. It often comes with a down swing or a mixed episode where you’re manic and depressed at the same time.

We all experience irritation- that’s a normal part of life. Getting cut off on the free way- rude people- crowds- long lines at the supermarket.

Aggressive irritation is much more bipolar disorder related- this irritation has a lot of strength behind it. Instead of getting irritated when we get cut off on the free way- we yell and scream, honk the horn and if particularly bad- actually chase down the person with our car. Oh yes, this happens!

If someone is rude to a person in an aggressive irritated mood swing- they had better watch out- the person with bipolar may say, “What the @$@#$#@ are you looking at! You have a problem with me!” And will then move in on them and practically growl.

Some other signs of this aggressive irritation: throwing things- such as wanting to throw your @$@!$ computer across the room when the internet won’t work. Or feeling your head twitch because you’re so angry at something.

This is NOT good stuff, but it’s common.

Bipolar medications can cause this aggressive irritation as well.- so if you’ve started a new bipolar medication and this anger shows up- talk with your doctor immediately.

An aggressive irritation mood swing a very dangerous place to be when you have bipolar disorder as you could end up in jail-  after just a few minutes of blind action. You have to know the very first signs that you’re getting irritated and do something about these little signs before they turn into the aggression. If you do sports, this is a good time to really kick a ball hard or run as far as you can.  Some sun salutation yoga is also a good idea.   Fast walks help as well.

If you don’t do sports, breathing helps as does walking away from what causes you problems. My biggest tool is talking myself down, “Julie, this is bipolar anger and you need to deal with the bipolar. It’s a bit over the top right now, so slow down and do something for yourself instead of putting this mood swing on someone else!”  I write about irritaion and anger in all of my books as it is such a destructive part of bipolar disorder.

You can also take out your aggression on a journal page- that way no one gets hurt!

 Julie

PS: You can read my irritation/anger Health Card and get a good laugh. Some of the things I think and do when I’m in this mood can be pretty stupid!

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A few hours later- I just received a comment from Carolyn that is so interesting and helpful I am putting it here:

This really hit home with me….I usually see it as passive/aggressive with me…..when I am irritated, I can be soooo passive/aggressive. I just want to strike out, but do it in this way to others…..but usually I am the one who is hurt and the other person has no idea what is going on. I am so angry, irritated…..it is when I feel like I am being pushed in a corner and I need to claw my way out…. this is usually triggered by people who want to tie me up on the phone or just want to talk and talk. I have a son, who has no one but me to talk to and I am not taking charge of this situation and it triggers this reaction in me. Maybe some others will read this and see the same in themselves and maybe even offer advice, but I will probably not take it since I am in this pattern of behavior that I am having difficulty breaking. I need a therapist and have one, but my next appointment is in Sept. In the meantime, I will read my self-help books and try to do what I already know that I am supposed to do….since this is my son and these are friends who are driving me over the cliff, I find it difficult cutting off this behavior that is so damaging to me. Makes my bipolar worst. Thanks for giving me a chance to make a comment. Thank you for your blog.

Carolyn

- I don’t want to be a raging lunatic on the phone like I was on a call to my bank! I just lost it. I had one of those days where my physical reaction to things was way off. I can tell when it’s meds. It’s different from being angry- this is out of control I want to thrown my phone through the widow anger.  I made sure I didn’t take it out on others too badly- I have learned to control myself. But it’s hard.

There are so many meds that can cause this kind of anger and aggression.  You know it’s the illness or the meds when it literally comes out of nowhere- it’s not a normal part of your personality- you watch yourself and think what in the heck is going on with me- and your behaviors are odd such as cussing as loudly as possible for longer than normal!

 I woke up fine today.  This kind of aggression gets people in jail. I’ve seen it too many times.

It’s important to learn the first signs that you’re getting in a rage and then remove yourself from the situation even if for a few minutes. This has to be done right at the beginning, but you can often realize what is going on in the middle of a rage. This is when you stop- apologize to whomever you yelled at – and focus on managing the illness.

Is is your meds? Is it a relationship? Lack of sleep? Etc.

This is how I keep from throwing a phone through my window even though it seemed like it would make feel better at the time.

 Julie

PS: Antidepressants are notorious for causing irritation and anger- if you just started a med and you are suddenly more angry than normal- talk with your HCP.

What, you may ask, what is a Complain O’ Meter?

It’s a devise used to see if you complain too much and don’t even know it! I used to be a major complainer. It was terrible for all of the people around me- and it wasn’t so great for me either as I was unhappy all of the time. Complaining comes from negativity which is a totally normal symptom of depression. As I’ve written in all of my books, negativity kills relationships- and so does the specific negativity called complaining!

This morning, I woke up in a bad mood.  This is rare for me. I usually wake up slightly depressed- in a ‘poor me’ sort of way. This morning I just wanted to punch something.  I have two choices when this happens. I can let the anger of this morning turn me into a complainer all day, or I can recognize it and treat it before I talk with friends.  Complaining is a habit I don’t want to encourage in myself.

So, instead of getting on the phone and complaining about how bipolar disorder wrecks my work life in so many ways (this is true for sure), I took a walk. The really funny thing is that while I was walking, I talked to a dear friend who kept complaining about her work and wouldn’t hear any suggestion I may have. That made me think that we all need a Complain O’ Meter!

Julie

PS: My anger and irritation Health Card from my treatment system shows a lot of my tips on how I dealt with my complaining problem. It took me about a year, but I turned it around. You can read about the Health Cards at www.bipolarhappens.com

Testiness and Bipolar Disorder

Some people are just hard to be around. They are snappy, opinionated, sarcastic, and sometimes mean. I have met them! It’s often a personality trait. This means they were born that way and will probably remain that well unless something or someone pushes them to change. 

A personality trait is very different from a bipolar disorder symptom. People always say- “Julie, all of us must have a form of bipolar disorder.” I’m sure I’ve written about this in the blog- but there is a difference. All of us have certainly had bad moods where we are testy when someone even looks at us the wrong way. When a person has a testy personality they tend to be constant in their behavior. If you piss them off, they let you know and you can expect it. This is a good thing as you can then make the decision of you want to have them in your life.

Bipolar disorder testiness is 100% different because it’s episodic and often takes people by surprise. In other words, it’s not the person’s personality. It’s the product of an illness. This doesn’t excuse it! But it does offer an explanation. When I’m in an irritation downswing, a box that I trip on can get kicked across the room while I yell at it. Whereas when I’m in a stable mood, I can trip on a box and then just move it out of the way. This is not a personality trait.

When I’m in an irritation downswing, people are extremely irritating and I can’t believe how stupid they are! It goes on and on.

This was one of the first things the Health Cards taught me- people don’t like angry people and considering that bipolar makes you testy and easily pissed off – you had better learn to control it!

So I did. If you look at my anger/irritation Health Card you can see what I did. I still get in these moods and they are still bipolar disorder related, but they no longer wreck my relationships and people actually do want to be around me!

Julie

Bipolar Driving and Missing My Lamictal

I’ve had a lot of irritation lately. My Lamictal dosage is messed up (my fault) and I can feel it affecting my tolerance level. I swear, I was in so much traffic the other day I thought I would explode. I live in a city, so this was not abnormal. What was abnormal is how I reacted to the traffic: cussing out my window when I was stopped at a green light. Honking my horn. Banging my steering wheel. Leaving a message on my friend’s cell saying, “Portland is a great city, but it’s going to hell!! This traffic is getting worse every day!”

I felt my face squeeze into an ugly mask. I wanted to hurt someone or ram someone’s car. And then I stopped and thought,Oh no. I’m rapid cycling. And right there, I realized what was going on. I was rapid cycling and my head was jerking around and I started to cry a bit. I missed a dose of my meds again and this always happens.

Solution: Take my meds on time! Keep out of my car when I’m super irritated! Wait a bit so the traffic can clear. Accept where I am and turn on the radio, etc. Say to myself, “Calm down Julie. You’re overreacting and you really do have a choice how you feel right now.” Remind myself that this is an illness and I’m rarely irritated when I’m not rapid cycling!

Julie