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The other night I went to be ok. I woke up at midnight in a downswing. It’s ridiculous. What on earth is going on with my brain! This illness is hard. I talked myself out of it. “It’s an illness Julie. This isn’t real Julie. Life isn’t that bad. It’s depression.” And I woke up ok. Julie
I woke up sick and crying- darn depression and I was sick for much of the day. It’s always my goal to go to bed feeling better than when I woke up. Well, that won’t be hard tonight! I told all of my friends that I’m sick. That way they know what to say when I call and cry. They say, “Julie, you’re depressed. It’s hard for you to see reality right now. ” And I know they are right. I recently wrote about quitting the things that are making you ill. I know what is making me ill and I’m phasing it out of my life. I will get better and stay that way! Julie
I’m Miserably Unhappy I woke up with this thought the other day- I’m miserably unhappy. Just great. Things have been going so well, and then the depression thoughts started to creep in. The first one was – Everyone in Portland is doing fun things. I had this thought as I was WALKING TO A DINNER PARTY! Then I got the feeling that I would never be rewarded for all of my hard work. Finally, I had a down swing yesterday that lasted a few hours. So, the signs were there. I was ready for the downswing as it was obviously on its way! I hate them. They are especially hard to take when things have been going well. I have an illness and I can never forget that. If I remember it always, I can prepare and not be so shocked when I get sick. Julie
I’ve been doing well for over a month. Then a few things happened and I went into a downswing. Depression is so scary because it takes over every part of a person’s life, sometimes within a few minutes. I went from feeling confident and hopeful about my future, especially in terms of getting funding for my radio show- to someone who was sure that things would never work out for me. I’ve learned to fight the second set of thoughts. Depression is always the same- it makes me doubt everything I do. And when something makes me doubt EVERYTHING, I know it isn’t real. Real doubt is MUCH more selective and realistic. The depression lasted two days. I’m better this morning. You just have to keep going no matter what the nasty depression is telling you. I use the stuff in my books to keep going and then I get better. I will never give up. Julie
Dear Julie–I thought for the diagnosis Bipolar II you could not have any hallucinations–is this not the case? Just wanted to understand. Thanks, R Hello R, I have rapid cycling bipolar II and have experienced hallucinations since age 19- I’m now 44. A hallucination is a form of psychosis. Hallucinations are things you see, smell or hear that aren’t real. Such as seeing yourself get hit by a car or thinking you smell funny. Many people with bipolar disorder need antipsychotics such as Abilify (Aripiprazole), Risperdal (Risperidone), Zyprexa (Olanzapine) and Seroquel (Quetiapine)to help with hallucinations. If you have the Health Cards- my treatment system- you can read over the Psychosis Health Card to see all of my hallucinations. Isn’t it amazing that people are still being diagnosed with bipolar disorder without getting all of the facts! I have found that hallucinations are usually a result of stress. When I have one, I stop and think- darn it. I’m sick. What caused this? And I look for triggers. Managing hallucinations is possible, but you have to make sure you know what yours- or the [... Read More ...]
Before I wrote the Health Cards to help manage my bipolar disorder- my friends had no idea what was going on with me. Actually, I had no idea what was going on with me!
I can hear myself talking and talking these days. I have trouble letting people finish their sentences and always feel the need to get my words in. It’s embarrassing as it’s hard to monitor when I’m actually in a conversation. I know it’s happening! But it feels so good to talk- especially after a depression has made me less interested in life.My friends are used to my talking- I just apologize and try to be a good listener when I’ve got too much manic energy. As always, it feels better to be up than down- but being up has its own major problems: sleep issues, not eating (this is great for me, but a problem for others), the desire to drink, no desire to work and grandiose thoughts. A few days ago, after a few days of depression, I woke up feeling ‘better.’ I thought what I always think- oh thank heavens the depression is gone. Then later that afternoon I had the thought, “America is such an amazing place. It’s so beautiful!” and then when I was at a movie theater, “I’m the most famous person in this room!” Not a good sign at all. I then realized I was hypomanic (mild mania) and it made me sad to think I was rapid cycling again. Rotten illness. I hate doing it, but I have to be honest with my friends and family and let them know I’m manic so they can help reign it in. I then have to prepare for the inevitable depression and use my [... Read More ...] |
  Julie's Health Cards System is not just a book, but a practical, hands-on tool for reducing symptoms and maintaining healthy and stable relationships. Designed for both individuals and family members, the Health Cards have helped thousands of people manage bipolar disorder. - LEARN MORE |
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The health information contained herein is provided for general education purposes only. |
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