The other night I went to be ok. I woke up at midnight in a downswing. It’s ridiculous. What on earth is going on with my brain! This illness is hard.
I talked myself out of it. “It’s an illness Julie. This isn’t real Julie. Life isn’t that bad. It’s depression.”
And I woke up ok.
Julie
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Julie A. Fast best selling author of Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder and Get it Done When You're Depressed is a critically acclaimed six-time author, award winning bipolar disorder advice columnist, national speaker, and sought after expert in the fields of bipolar disorder and depression. Julie’s work specializes in helping people manage all aspects of their daily lives -despite the complications that bipolar disorder creates. To learn how to personalize a plan to help yourself or a loved one find and create stability that ensures the quality of life that we all deserve, visit: http://www.bipolarhappens.com
I woke up sick and crying- darn depression and I was sick for much of the day. It’s always my goal to go to bed feeling better than when I woke up. Well, that won’t be hard tonight!
I told all of my friends that I’m sick. That way they know what to say when I call and cry. They say, “Julie, you’re depressed. It’s hard for you to see reality right now. ” And I know they are right.
I recently wrote about quitting the things that are making you ill. I know what is making me ill and I’m phasing it out of my life. I will get better and stay that way!
I’m going to do a blog series on the meds used to treat bipolar disorder. I’ve done something similar in past entries- but this time, I’m going to talk about side effects and withdrawal possibilities.
I have a friend who had a reaction to Abilify and is now having pretty severe withdrawal symptoms to Zyprexa. This doesn’t mean the drugs are bad. It just means that getting off them has to be done very carefully!
I recently wrote about missing three doses of my Lamictal in one week (stupid!)- I had a week of bad withdrawal symptoms and I only missed a few doses. Imagine what your body is going through if you reduce the meds!
My first topic will be mood stabilizers- here is quiz- what is a mood stabilizer?
The only true mood stabilizer is lithium. There are three others used as mood stabilizers- though they were not originally created for bipolar disorder: Depakote, Tegretol and Lamictal. Lithium, Depakote and Tegretol are basicall anti mania drugs. Lamictal works especially well for depression, psychosis and rapid cycling.
If you are familiar with my work, you know how I feel about Lamictal. It changed my life.
I woke up with this thought the other day- I’m miserably unhappy. Just great. Things have been going so well, and then the depression thoughts started to creep in. The first one was – Everyone in Portland is doing fun things. I had this thought as I was WALKING TO A DINNER PARTY! Then I got the feeling that I would never be rewarded for all of my hard work. Finally, I had a down swing yesterday that lasted a few hours.
So, the signs were there. I was ready for the downswing as it was obviously on its way!
I hate them. They are especially hard to take when things have been going well.
I have an illness and I can never forget that. If I remember it always, I can prepare and not be so shocked when I get sick.
I used to have a lot of drama in my life. Much of it was due to my own choices, some of it was due to bipolar disorder causing me to make stupid choices, such as when I get manic.
I have changed completely in the past few years. I’m no longer willing to make decisions and then just hope they turn out ok.
I get too sick when I do this. I have goals in life that I want to reach- speaking to large groups on mental health, reducing the suicide rate in this country, financial stability, physical health- big stuff for sure!
The only way I can accomplish my goals is to examine every potential decision for disaster (drama!) from sending an email to saying yes to a request. I’ve learned to ask myself the following questions:
Will it make me sick?
Has it made me sick in the past?
Am I manic?
Is depression clouding my judgment?
How will my decision make me feel tomorrow, next week and into the future?
I also have a lot of people in my life who will ask the questions for me and really make me mad! But I need their judgment in case I’m making a decision when I’m sick.
This is a constant exercise- I’ve learned to slow down a bit. I’m at over 50% success right now in my decision making. Considering that I used to do everything blindly, this is pretty good!
Best Mental Health Advice Column in the United States goes to Julie A. Fast
June 2007
Mental Health America recognizes superlative media coverage of mental health issues by journalists in television, print, radio, online, wire, photography and entertainment. The MHA media awards are the only peer judged competition for mental health reporting in the United States.
Along with 12 other media professionals, Julie Fast will receive a recognition award in Washington DC on June 8, 2007.
"Mental illnesses ruins lives, but it doesn’t have to be this way. I want my readers to know that if I can have a productive life despite being mentally ill, they can do so as well. The Mental Health America award helps me see that my writing does make a difference and it certainly makes me want to continue educating the world on how to treat mental illness successfully. It is possible!” - Julie Fast
