I mean that! They literally make no sense.

I just finished a book proposal for my next book. It was a huge undertaking and I was literally elated when I hit the send button on my email.

 In the past, I would get depressed when I finished a large project. This time, I was even happy the next day! I thought to myself- wow, maybe the depression skipped me this time!

Then I realized I was slightly manic- I wrote about it below. This upset me as it’s not fair… I always say it’s not fair and I sound like a little baby- but it’s not fair!

Last night, around 4PM I went straight down. This was 24 hours after sending the proposal. So I guess I didn’t slip by the depression after all. It was a bad down swing. At first I wasn’t sure why I was depressed. I kept saying to myself- this isn’t real! You felt great yesterday! all of these worried thoughts aren’t real.

And of course they weren’t real. I took a walk and listened to a funny radio show- Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me from NPR- and I talked myself out of that depression the best I could. I then went to a movie and wrote positive and realistic thoughts in my journal. I read my depression Health Card.

 The downswing was gone by the time I went to bed.

I know that my brain chemistry is 100% affected by a negative trigger such as an argument with my sister in law- unfortunately, my brain chemistry gets messed up by something extremely positive as well.

Have you ever had a down swing after experiencing something really great? Julie

Over the past few years, I’ve worked daily to free myself from the triggers that make me ill.  I found myself in one of those triggers last week- and it wasn’t really my fault- but I did walk into something that has made me sick in the past.  My therapist was smart- she said, “Julie, think of the consequences of your choices, not just want you feel you should do in the moment.”

 It’s hard to have bipolar disorder. I want to be someone who can do things like other people! I want to be able to do something and then walk away from it without going into bipolar symptoms.

Here is what happened.  An important person from my past became very ill about six months ago. When I offered my help, he basically went into his typical behavior and told me I was overreacting.  There is no question I was not overacting. It’s just his way of handling stress.

This of course made me ill. I worked on it and decided to send him my best and move on.  A few weeks ago, I started to think about him a lot. I just felt that something must be wrong.   I finally sent him a text this week to see how he was. I thought about this carefully and decided that though he has caused me constant trouble in the past, he obviously needed my support at this time. I was right- he is ill again and will go in for surgery next week.

The problem is that this simple text on my part brought up so many past memories – and his reply- thanks for writing- I appreciate your support-  I will be fine- did cause me trouble.

Overall, I did something that has made me feel bad in the past.

It is always a struggle for me to decided what behavior is ok and what behavior will cause a mood swing. It’s not a fun way to live, but I can say that these situations are rare now. I think a long time before I do something. I still make mistakes- but they thoughtful mistakes! ha ha.

I don’t regret contacting my ex. He is a good person going through a tough time.

Now, I am a good person going through a tough time- so I have to take care of myself!

Julie

I heard a person say this at a restaurant the other day. “I’d never put myself in the position.”

What a concept!

If we don’t put ourselves in certain situations, then we can’t have the bad outcomes that often come with the location/person we chose to be with/or dodgy situation /etc.

I listen to sports radio and NPR all day. One big topic on sports radio is the number of football players that get: shot or shoot someone, robbed, beaten up or beat up someone and stopped by the cops for reckless/drunk driving. Interestingly, there is a statistic that the sports radio commentators keep bringing up. Trouble happens between the hours of 1-5AM. And that is when almost all of the football player trouble happens.

They put themselves into the position of getting in trouble. They choose situations that huge, rich professional ball players should simply avoid.

How does this relate to bipolar? Because when I used to get manic- I did all of the above- or at least came close to it. I know others who have been in similar situations. When we feel ourselves get manic- we can say- no! I will not go to that bar. No! I will not put an ad on Craigslist just to see who’s out there. No! I will not go drinking with you. No! I will not have sex with a stranger! No! I will not take money that isn’t mine. No! NO! NO!

Mania has a treatment window. Those of us with mania problems should never be out between the hours of 1AM and 5AM anyway. We need to be asleep. If you’re a tough, young and restless guy- like many guys are- you have to have a plan in place to be IN BED at those hours. What you choose to do in that bed is up to you, but at least you won’t be on the streets.

I sound like a mom lecturing a kid- but it’s a lecture to myself as well. ‘I’d never put myself in that position” is a great mantra for al of us with bipolar disorder.

Julie

Here is a question about travel from Karen:

Julie, was your plan to adjust your sleep schedule a week ahead of time successful?  My BP husband must travel from the West coast to East next month and I have been frantically searching for ways to help him do this without becoming ill.  Thank you in advance for your answer!

Karen

**

Karen wrote this question in a comment about my blog post on how I deal with time changes now that I can travel again- if you go to the menu on the right, you can click on travel and the post will come up called Traveling to the NAMI Convention in Florida. It helps to read that before you read this post.

Hi Karen,

I always tell people with bipolar disorder to think way, way ahead about time changes when they travel.

Have you ever noticed that when we hear a tragic story about bipolar disorder in the news-  the cause of the mood swing was often travel where a person’s sleep and medications got off schedule?  I listen to these stories whether it be of a football player who misses the Super Bowl- or someone who became ill after traveling to a wildly different time zone such as going to South America and I think- we HAVE to have a plan for everything we do. Bipolar disorder does NOT like change, especially time changes.

Bipolar disorder runs on a very strict biological clock- which is why shift work is considered one of the top triggers of bipolar disorder- in fact, my coauthor Dr. John Preston lists this second after drugs and alcohol as a main trigger!

The answer to your question is YES- planning ahead for my travels to the East Coast has been very successful- but it takes a strict plan.

I’m speaking at the DBSA conference in Virginia in two weeks. This is a three hour time change- which may not seem like much- but it is to us with bipolar biological clocks. Here is what I’m going to do and what your husband can do as well. :

1. Start to get on East coast time one week before the trip- this simply means going to bed one hour earlier for a few nights- you then go to bed two hours earlier for a few nights and then three hours earlier the two nights before. This is actually very easy from this direction as it just means you get up really early.  For many people, simply not watching TV at all the week before the trip really helps. No late night news, sports games, etc. No karaoke with friends for me!

2.  I have to repeat this one, no late night television or computer use for a week before the trip. These activities are really stimulating!

3. Change your eating patterns to fit East coast time.

4. If possible, book a flight that fits the East coast time zone. In other words, leave early in the morning!

5. Have your bag packed WAY ahead of time! This avoids the late night rush that many people have before a trip.

6. I then do the reverse for the way back. I go to bed later and later to prepare for the return home. We often don’t work on our last travel day- so we can sleep in a lot more.  When I was in Florida- I stayed up until 2AM and slept until 9AM. I have to use sleep meds to do this. 

It really does make a huge difference- I use the hotel call service for my alarm.

7. I don’t drink at night or go to karaoke, night clubs or late dinners when I’m on a work trip. It’s too stimulating.  Luckily the hotels have movies!

8. It’s also essential that you regulate your meds along with your travel- keep them in a pill box in your pocket as well as a supply in your room. I take a double supply with me- one in my purse and one in my travel bag. You can’t miss meds while traveling! That will really miss things up.

9. If you need sleep help to accomplish all of this, that’s fine. Talk with your doctor about using an anti anxiety med like Ativan or Klonopin to sleep or ask about Ambien, Tylenol PM and Benedryl. Alcohol does not work!

These are such simple steps. They don’t cost any money and they are one of the reasons I can travel again. I’m a machine when I travel- I have a schedule that I stick to. I go to my room to recharge. I skip the stimulating stuff even though it can be really hard to do so! I guess I can say I have controlled fun when I travel! It’s a learning process. My next trip to Virginia is going to be a success! I know your husband’s trip can be a success as well!

Julie

PS: If you have the Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder, I would definitely make  a travel card! They really help!

Bipolar Disorder Triggers

I just finished an article on bipolar disorder triggers for my column in BP Magazine.

I was going through some serious trigger issues when I wrote it! Do you write things down when you’re sick? I find it helps. I can often see my role in what’s going on if I write about what I’m honestly feeling.

I started seriously examining my bipolar triggers about eight years ago when I created the Health Cards (my treatment plan on bipolarhappens.com )-  wow, I was a mess. I walked into situations without thinking and I was constantly ill. I’m a lot more vigilant now. A lot more. The minute I start to get sick, I think to myself- what is going on here? And I examine my life. Often it’s a problem with a person or work. Considering that my life pretty much revolves around relationships and work, this is depressing!

A friend of mine was doing really well after spending a few months in the hospital over 10 years ago. And then he got a job promotion. He had his first manic episode in over ten years.  He went back to his regular job and got better quickly. It’s not fair is it.

Triggers aren’t always negative. There are many ‘positive’ triggers as well. It helps if family members can remember that those of us with bipolar are just ridiculously sensitive to change. We don’t like it. I hate it. But it’s our reality.

I think I use the phrase- it’s our reality- about a million times a day.
Julie

If you don’t have a subscription to BP Magazine, I highly recommend it. If you subscribe now, you can read my column on triggers in the fall issue!

www.bphope.com

Here they are!

- Dating
- Unrealistic deadlines
- Troublesome people
- Moods of others
- Sleep disturbances such as a party next to my house
- Travel

I don’t date. I give myself time to get things done- this is always a challenge. I say goodbye instead of hello to people who want to make me miserable. I gauge the moods of others and don’t provoke or even comment on their moods if I don’t have to. I have a noise machine, a humidifier and meds to sleep if I need them. I plan for travel way, way in advance.

Having bipolar disorder is like having a child you have to take care of 24 hours a day.

But….. I am mentally healthy.

Julie

Reader Question

I just had an email from a person who is moving to China. He wondered how he would get his Lamictal and Risperdal in China.

Here is my answer….
**

You ask an important question about medications. Lamictal is with Glaxo Smith Kline.  Risperdal is from Janssen. – I would assume they different contracts with different countries

Here is the contact for Glaxo Smith Kline- the makers of Lamictal.     1-888-825-5249
Here is the number for Janssen- the makers of Risperdal:       1-800-526-7736

I am sure they can answer your questions or at least point you in the right direction. Considering all of the people from the US who are working in or moving to China, there must be a way to get the information. 

I take Lamictal daily- it has been a wonderful medication. I certainly never thought I would use the word medication and wonderful in the same sentence! But I love Lamictal.
I know that I would stock up on the meds before I left so that I have emergency rations when I’m there. You can leave a bottle with a family member in the states. I always recommend this when a person travels. You can ask for extra meds from your doctor- even if you have to pay for them out of pocket- it’s worth it. I know that if I miss my Lamictal for more than a week, I’m in big trouble.

Also, if you travel with meds on your way there, make sure they are clearly labeled- you can even take a letter from your doctor. Just in case.

As you probably know, a move can be a big, big trigger for bipolar- especially mania. I suggest you have a plan in place before you leave. I have lived in Japan and traveled in China, so I know the risks that come with the excitement.

I’m very impressed that you’re taking care of things before you travel- believe it or not, some people don’t and that’s when problems start.