It’s often hard for people with bipolar disorder to know what is reasonable and what is unacceptable. If you’re born with a certain kind of brain- it makes you say and do things that are normal to you. For example, people with bipolar disorder get stressed a lot more easily than the general population. They get more angry- cry more- try to kill themselves more- and definitely get higher than anyone without the illness when it comes to mania.

But that is natural behavior for us! It’s not ok and it’s certainly not a very productive way to live- but it’s what our brains do. So it makes sense that we will all have to learn what is reasonable and acceptable.
How can you stop behavior that is unacceptable and non productive?  I have found an answer that took me a long time to master, but I’ve kept at it for 10 years and it’s working.

Here is the answer: I regularly examine how my behavior is affecting all of the people in my life. Do they want to be around me? Do I have friends who actually think I’m a cool person? Do people avoid me? Am I able to listen to someone without talking about my troubles all of the time? And most importantly, so people keep telling me that what I do is not ok and that they want me to stop?

Bipolar disorder is sneaky- you would think that the above would be rather easy- you simply have to look and listen to the people in your life and change your behavior, right?  Wrong- our brains are fighting reasonable self reflection.  Bipolar depression and bipolar mania lie to us and make it difficult to answer the above questions.  But it can be done! How would you answer the questions today? And if you love someone with bipolar disorder, how would they answer the questions?

Julie

 If you have to clean your house and it feels overhwleming then just do one room and praise yourself for getting it done.

If you’re manic and you want to clean your whole house, well.. just make sure you don’t throw everything out!

If you’re depressed and you have the money to do so- hire someone to clean your house.

If you’re manic and you’re cooking 10 dishes at once…. make sure you don’t cut off a finger.

Many people with bipolar disorder live with mild to moderate symptoms that can control behaviors in a negative way- but these are the symptoms you can overcome- you just have to be aware of your patterns when you’re manic or depressed and do the best you can to prevent disasters.

You can clean when you’re depressed- and you can keep the cleaning (and cooking) safe when you’re manic.

Julie

Nobody plans to fail, but plenty of people fail to plan.

“Plan” is the leading self-help advice from athletes, business moguls and everyday people who have achieved extraordinary goals.

I think I’ve tried to create a plan for my day almost every day of my life for the past seven years. I’ve found it helps me function when I’m having mood swings. Of course, this is harder if you’re experiencing mania or psychosis, but it does work exceptionally well with bipolar depression, anxiety, ADHD symptoms and OCD symptoms. In fact, if it’s mild mania (hypomania) and bipolar psychosis like I get, it works then too!

If I’m having trouble getting to sleep at night- I go over my plan for the next day in my head. It’s calming.  If you don’t have anything planned and it’s upsetting to you, just click on the Get it Done When You’re Depressed tab to the right. There are a lot of tips on how to create plans that work on even the toughest day.

If I know the depression is lurking, I always plan for something around three or four in the afternoon. That helps me stay focsued until then. I can have someone drop me off at work so I have to stay and follow my plan. I also write out my plan and then time the things I need to get done- this helps me see if my list is realistic. Oh yes, there are days when very little gets done, but those days happen less and less.

I started writing books in 2002- I was 38. I got a late start becuase I didn’t have enough control over bipolar disorder and I didn’t have enough help treating bipolar disorder. Getting clear on my goal  of finding stability so that I could work and have stable relationships and then creating a plan for the goal has been HARD. But I keep going. It’s an everyday process.  Where are you on the road to reaching goals- in fact, where are you on the road of knowing your goals?  That can be a tough one as well. But I promise- as someone in 1998 who was very overweight from meds, couldn’t work and  had trouble just getting out of bed, I can assure you that having a plan can make things a lot better.

julie

Julie,

I love your book on Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder.  I am bipolar and my partner and I have been working with it for HOURS since I got out of the hospital (a true hellhole) a few days ago.  I see that you work with a naturopath, but I see no mention of natural remedies that I have found VERY useful, such as Rescue Remedy and other floral remedies, essential oils, homeopathy, and special vitamin and mineral supplements.  Any reason why?

Hi Satina, Thank you for your kind comments.

I’m so glad the book is helping your relationship. That book was born from a lot of pain, but it has helped so many people.I mention natural remedies in all of my other books- Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder was meant more for the partner than the person with the illness, so direct bipolar disorder treatment was not explored fully.

I mention Rescue Remedy in a lot of my work, especially in Bipolar Happens, as well as herbs and other naturally based supplements. But… I do have to stress that they are best used with medications and a solid treatment plan – and that we have to be really careful as certain supplements can interact with meds or even exacerbate symptoms. I have to be super careful with all supplements, especially those that affect serotonin!

I also feel that yoga and especially yoga breathing is a great tool for bipolar disorder management. I have a yoga mat in my office and do a short session when the anxiety gets bad. I listen to the yoga classes straight from Itunes.

I remember when my former partner Ivan came home from the hospital. He had been through SO much. He was manic and psychotic for over a month. I’m sorry your experience in the hosptial was a bad one- Ivan had a better experience as he really was too ill to manage the illness on his own. It was much easier for me that he was there. I was very scared and had no idea how to help him. I was so happy to have him home, but it certainly took time for him to acclimate back to his old life. He has always used his diet as a way to stay healthy and tried a lot of nasty tasting Chinese herbs!

I often use massage in combination with acupuncture for stress- and see my naturopathic nurse practitioner for my medication needs.  Massage is also a great way to relax.I believe in a combination of western and naturopathic health care. There is a place for both. And I certainly believe that books are an important part of any plan.  (And don’t forget the love of pets!)

One issue is the expense of natural treatments- more insurance plans are waking up and letting people explore their options, but there is still a long way to go. I often trade my skills such as working with an acupuncturist who wants to write a book. 

It helps to get creative. I am so glad your partner is there to help and that you are working together!

Julie

Just because one things goes ‘wrong’ it doesn’t mean that all things are going wrong!

Bipolar is a tricky task master- it says- oh, something just caused you some trouble? That’s because it has always caused you trouble and it will always cause you trouble in the future. Things will always go wrong for you!

In truth, all and I mean all situations are separate experiences. What lead to the moment and what comes after the moment are separate as well. Don’t judge one moment in time against all of your life.

 We can get through anything- especially the little things that bipolar disorder tells us are so important.

Most events are not that important. They come and go.  Things go wrong and we move on. What matters is that we don’t connect these events to other events to create a stream of WRONGNESS!

It’s just one event at at time. Julie

This is a note to myself….. as well as readers.

How I manage bipolar disorder successfully……I get a lot of questions from readers asking how I can do so well despite having chronic bipolar disorder mood swings. Here is my long answer. There is a short answer as well. I will put that at the end! **

I can vividly recall what my life was like in 1995. I was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I had NO idea what do to about it. There were literally no treatment plan books on the market- Kay Redfield Jamison’s book An Unquiet Mind came out that year and I devoured it! I felt hope from the book, but didn’t learn how to manage the illness. My medical bills were large and not being able to work put a huge strain on my partner Ivan. After two more years of medication troubles and constant mood swings, I said enough is enough and decided to create a plan of my own. I wanted to stay alive and work and have friends and have a life! I called this plan the Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder. You can read more about it on this blog.

That was over 15 years ago and I have reached my goals- I can work. I have a lot of friends and life is so much better than it was then. Do I still have bipolar mood swings? Yes I do! I have bipolar disorder symptoms daily, but by managing the illness with my treatment plan I have saved thousands of dollars in hospital bills, stopped all impulsive spending, no longer make disastrous relationship decisions and have created a system that lets me easily recognize my earliest signs bipolar disorder symptoms so that I can counteract each and every one of them with the right steps to really manage my life and get on with the life I want to live.

My family and close friends know exactly what to do when and now easily recognize and understand my bipolar disorder symptoms. They no longer have to live with the fear, confusion and worry that our loved ones pften face. They know exactly how to help and what each of the earliest signs look like. Having a treatment plan has taught them of what to do and how to really help with this often confusing and complex illness. Just the other day- I went out for lunch with my friend Avi. After about an hour he said, “Julie, you told me to be honest with you. And I’m seeing the signs that you’re manic.” I was so upset! I said, “It must be because I drank regular coffee! ” I wasn’t upset with him- but with the illness. I was finally feeling good- but because he knew the Health Cards I got an honest opinion on my mood and I listened. I’ve even taught my five year old nephew David about bipolar and what it looks like when I get sick.

He doesn’t think it’s a big deal!Most importantly, creating the system has saved my life! And having a treatment plan in place has allowed me to work again. Something I couldn’t do for many, many years. Diagnosis and medications are the very first steps to taking back your life with bipolar disorder but the professionals agree, this may only take care 30 to 50% of the symptoms. I get 50% relief from my Lamictal. Bipolar disorder is an extremely comprehensive illness that can and does affect all areas of your life. It takes a full and comprehensive treatment plan to manage it. I still have bipolar disorder mood swings and side effects from the meds- but I will take that over what life was like for me in 1995. I’m proud of the work I have done and hope it can help others in the same way!

julie

I also chart my moods daily – that helps a lot!

I’m here in my office using all the ideas I can think of from my books! I have an article due- it’s going well- but getting the work done is literally physically painful! My brain feels like it’s going to explode and my body is very uncomfortable- it’s a mild form of dysphoric mania where my mood is mildly down but my energy is agitated. I’m definitely having trouble concentrating. Dysphoric mania is the opposite of euphoric mania (where things feels good!) – psychosis is often a part of dysphoric mania, though I’m not feeling any psychotic symptoms. When I start seeing things- then I’ll worry about psychosis. This all has to make me laugh a bit. I’m so used to these mood swings- and so used to writing about bipolar disorder that I am no longer even scared of the odd symptoms-

How I will get my work done:

Set an extremely specific goal for myself: Regarding my article- there are many, many steps to the process- but everything starts with one step- so I decide on one thing and focus on it until it’s done. Such as getting all of my quotes in the right sections of the article. When I get off track, I say- Julie, do the quotes only- then you can move on to something else. This definitely lessens the worry.

I know where a lot of this is coming from- I had a reaction to Zoloft- this led to a two week suicidal downswing, then three and a half days of mania- one day of euthymia ( a stable mood!), then a few days of going in and out of depression and now the dysphoric mania.

This is the same bipolar I’ve always had, but now I have a plan in place to manage it.  My tips in Get it Done When You’re Depressed help with mild dysphoric mania.

Ok, time to finish my one step in the article.

Julie

PS: It defintely helps to imagine a calm place.