I live in Portland, Oregon in the US. I work with family members and partners over the phone with my coaching business. I also work with family members and partners of people with bipolar disorder in person here in Oregon.

My goal is to help those in crisis learn more about the illness and how they can help the person they love. I remember when my partner Ivan was in the hospital for three months in a bipolar manic psychotic episode and I had no one to talk to. There was so much I didn’t know and I lived in constant fear. I thought to myself- When we get through this- I’m going to write a book- and I did. Now I’m glad I can now work one on one with those in the same place I was all of those years ago.

If you have a loved on newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder and in the hospital, a teen who needs a plan so that you all can manage the illness together or a partner you’re scared of losing, please look over my coaching plans. I want everyone to have the information and education needed to help a person with bipolar disorder find true stability. But most of all, I want family members and partners to get the help they need as well!

Please visit here for more information:

Julie

I once asked a friend of mine what he thought about mania and his friends with bipolar disorder. It’s always interesting to ask the people in your life how they perceive bipolar  moodswings. It may be very different than you expect. Here is his answer.

**

 I’ve always thought of mania as a “Euphoric” high, the feeling that we
 all have at times that is exacerbated with someone with bipolar
 disorder.  You feel like you can do no wrong, you feel great, you can’t
 believe you’ve ever been depressed.  You can spend money, make big decisions,
 all with this state of mind.  I compare it to making decisions with a
 depressed mind, you don’t want to do that either.  It’s like two ends
 of a spectrum.  It may feel great to be on a manic high, but it seems
 uncontrollable, decisions are made that are easily regrettable in a short
 time.  Like a control chart people have highs and lows, the best time
 to use your mind for rational thought is in the middle, or ‘medium
 high’. You are thinking and listening less when both manic or depressed as
 well.  For some people like my girlfriend who’s a natural speaker, talking
 comes so easy that it’s more difficult to recognize when she’s on a manic
 high.  The best way I could see that she was  manic was her inability to
 listen. 

“Find me some water and I will walk on it” – ancient Chinese proverb.

When I first met my girlfriend, she was manic.  I didn’t recognize it
 of course but I thought I knew enough about bipolar disorder to where I
 thought I could recognize it and deal with it.  When in fact I didn’t
 even recognize her symptoms until much later.  There is no one perfect
 way to deal with it, other than to remind yourself and your friends to
 make decisions with the right frame of mind, and learn what is that
 right frame of mind.  Most people with depression and bipolar can’t even
 see when they are out of there mental ’sweet spot’.  That’s where
 friends and family come into play to help  those with bipolar disorder
 recognize whether they’re  in a depressed mind, or a manic mind. Then we can help.

**

Interesting.

Here is a question from Jackie regarding her son.  So many parents worry about their children when they have to travel or be away from home for an extended period of time. I know my mom worries about me and I’m 45! As you can see from Jackie’s question, it’s hard to find the balance of letting your child be independent and at the same time accepting that he or she needs extra help.  Click to the link at the end of this blog to hear my reply.

Hi Julie…I need some direction and advice Please. My 21 yr old sone as bioplar II and does pretty well most of the time living on his own… however, as you know, bi polar being what it is there are times every cple months he needs someone to stay ith him for a few days to get him thru a tough cycle. Most of the time that person is me, but sometimes i cannot be there ( if traveling for work ) and i have no idea how to go about finding a resource or finding the right person to rely on. We dont have any other family in this area so i need to outsource and i dont know where to begin.
 
Jackie

Here is my podcast answer:

 

 Standard Podcast [10:35m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

I am very upset, stressed, on the edge, worried and unhappy

How about that! At least I am aware of it. True problems arise when you feel all of the above and don’t know it. But I know it and I have known it for a few weeks. My rapid cycling has been so bad it’s hard to keep up with it. I just had a sort of argument with my mom. I bought her an Ipod for mother’s day and it didn’t go well. I was so excited- I’m cash only now, so I took a lot of thought about the price and what I wanted to do. I rarely give presents- so this was special. I set up Itunes and downloaded a live album from her favorite singer Jamie Cullum.

When I gave it to her I was so excited. She liked it and listened to it for a while. Then she said, “Can you take this back?” I said, “What?” She said, “I have points on my credit card and I can get one with my points.”

I got SO upset. I just spent money- set it up and made it a surprise and she asks if I can take it back. I know she meant that she could save me the money- but that takes away the spirit of the gift.

It’s my goal in life to remain reasonable. I try not to take out my mood swings on others and I always try to examine my behavior so that I don’t do something to make myself sick. My brain gets tipped into crisis very, very easily. Today I wasn’t able to do it. I said, “It’s disrespectful to receive a gift and then ask the person if they can take it back.” And I ran out of the house crying. My mom is literally my biggest support- so this was even more upsetting.

Now I’m sick and feel worn out. . It wasn’t worth it I guess, but I can only take so much. Unfortunately it was just a combination of being so sick off and on the past week and being disappointed with people. I’m not sure what I’ll do. Life can’t always be tailored so that I can completely manage bipolar disorder. This illness makes it hard for me to get upset and deal with it. I equate getting upset with mood swings- which is what happened today. I have to deal with it!

Julie

Later this evening: My mom called and apologized and explained that all she was thinking about was saving me money. I appreciated her apology. It meant a lot- she realized that I was upset and why- even if she had no intention of hurting me- the apology was still needed. At least I needed it!

Tiffany wrote a comment that anyone would be upset by the situation- and I agree. And most people would be able to talk to their mother without running out of the house crying. What worries me in these situation is when bipolar takes over. I will start crying and will have trouble stopping. I’ll then think that I may never see my mom again and what if this was my last memory. I worry that I will always be sick and overy sensitive. I am sure you see where I’m going here!

My emotions just feel so out of control sometimes. I hate it! Then I remind myself that it’s an illness. I can feel upset and still be ok. One thing is for sure- I get upset a lot less than I used to and for the most part I try to explain to the other person why I’m so over the top with my emotions.

Mothers are so important.

Julie

(thanks for the comment Tiffany- that was nice. )

oh yes, another long post from julie!  

Plans Can Change: We Can Deal with It.

I am very proud of myself…

It’s good to write that sentence! Going out on the weekends if very important to me. I plan carefully and always have something to do with friends. I really enjoy going out with my brother Ed. As many of you know, my brother is a great guy who causes me a lot of stress. I think I’ve dealt with it very well over the past year. Last night, there was a problem with his ID so he was not able to come into the bar where I was waiting. We were going to watch the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) on pay per view- so I got there early to get us seats. I always do that to save myself the stress of worrying where we will sit!

I walked outside and he said that he couldn’t get in- I said, “Did you ask the bouncer?” He sarcastically said, “Of course I did!” So I turned around and went back inside to get my purse so that we could go to karaoke. My whole point of the evening was to be with him, so missing the UFC was not a big deal to me.

When I got back outside. He was gone. I looked for him up and down the street. I couldn’t imagine where he had gone. It was odd! Then I called him on his phone and he said, “I could tell you were disgusted with me by the expression on your face, so I left.”

Holy you know what! I have never had someone do that. Ever.  Even with a person you’re dating they will at least say- “I’m leaving!” He just left. Of course I know this has nothing to do with me. I am not someone to get angry and walk off and stay in a club and leave my brother outside. I really was just going to get my purse.
Then I felt the wave of depression drop over me. I thought, “He has done it again. Why do I let him upset me? Why does he always do this? What am I going to do now?”  And the bipolar started talking to me. You probably know what it says! And I started to cry a bit. That was a really rotten thing he did!

I had options- to go watch a basketball game with a friend- to go to karaoke, etc. But it all felt so depressing as I had the evening planned.

People with bipolar need a LOT of structure. I have worked for many years on how to handle each situation- even when my plans turn upside down. So, I said to myself, “Julie, this is no big deal. Go back inside and stay there and let Ed be who he is. You are fine.” And that is what I did and I had a wonderful time! Just wonderful! I met people and actually got over some of my social awkwardness!

This would not have been possible in the past. I have learned to fight off the bipolar monster and it has changed my life for the better.

Believe it or not, for the first time that I can EVER remember, my brother came up to me today and said, “I would like to apologize for leaving last night. I think I was just projecting my mood on you. I know you would not walk back into the club and just leave me.”

Wow! All of us can change! And when the depression started today-  I just kept going and I feel fine again.

We can do it. No matter where you are starting from- if you make a plan now to get better, you can.

Julie

Parents of kids with bipolar disorder..

I often feel sorry for my mom. She has to deal with so much concerning this illness. I’m having a super tough day today and she knows it.  I always tell her what I’m going through.  I am very honest:  “I’m sick today.  The depression is really bad.”

My mom has used the Health Cards for seven years- this means she knows what I need, but it doesn’t make it easy. She knows I am safe and that I know how to take care of myself. But it must just break her heart to see her child so sick.

I’m lucky that she was willing and able to learn my system. It has saved our relationship – and my life! many times.

I have options, as we all do- when I’m this depressed. On some days, I really do need to see friends and hang out. But friends aren’t always available- on some days, like today, I know that working is my best recourse. I always feel better when I work. A lot of my depression comes from work situations that don’t work out- or that cause too much stress- so when I get things done and do them well, the stress is less!

It’s important to look at what is going well. It feels impossible to do this when you’re depressed, but it’s possible.

• I see my nephew this afternoon
•  It’s not raining!
• I have work ideas that will be successful

For now, I’m going to get to work. No list making, no wondering what I should be doing, no crying and feeling sorry for myself. That is depression, not me.

I promised on my last post that I would write down my accomplishments before I go to bed tonight. I will do this.
I’m glad my mom has the Health Cards- I need her help today and she knows exactly what to do!

If you have a child with bipolar disorder, it’s NOT easy to know what to do. The parenting skills that work with non bipolar kids don’t necessarily translate to kids with the illness.  You have to learn a new set of skills, as my mother did with the Health Cards!

Julie

I just received the following email from Jan regarding her 15 year old daughter. I have included my reply in this blog:

Julie,
 I don’t know how to reach you other than through this blog, but I have a 15 year old daughter, diagnosed with bipolar disorder 1 year ago, who also has sleep problems, not the least of which is affecting her ability to function in life, period.  She is in a therapeutic school but we have been told as of yesterday that they can no longer manage her and we must make other arrangements.  We are desperate for info about programs for adolescents with bipolar disorder and are wondering if you can give us any suggestions or direct us toward people who can help???   Thank you.

Hi Jan,

I suggest you visit the following website- it has information on the Parry Center inpatient psych treatment program here in Portland, Oregon. They may have a hot line or other information available for similar facilities in your state.

http://www.trilliumfamily.org/about_trillium.php

I have friends who have great things to say about the Parry Center.

Good luck.  It’s a tough to go through this- but your daughter is young. I am so glad she was diagnosed early and that you have the resources to help her. Teens definitely get better once they learn to manage this illness. Please let her know that she can have a happy and healthy life- it will take time and she will have to work hard, but she can go to school, make friends and look forward to her future once the illness is managed successfully. I really mean this- it’s an illness like any other illness. It can be managed.

Julie