Getting better day by day…  by choosing loving relationships

I’ve cut back on almost everything in my life the past few years.  If I see my life as a tree, I have done a ton of pruning. I currently don’t have ANY troublesome relationships. Can you believe it! It took a few years to know what I could handle and ultimately what I wanted. This has improved my life 100%.
 
I have a few relationships that cause me pain, but that is because I can see the other person is hurting and there really isn’t anything I can do.  This is particularly hard when it’s a family member. I don’t add to their pain nor do I try to fix them. I used to try that and always got hurt.

If you look through your life and picture all of your relationships, what % cause you pain and what % bring you joy? I certainly have ups and downs with the people in my life- but that’s all normal stuff. No one makes me depressed or psychotic or suicidal! I used to have quite a few people like that in my environment. Once I got more clear on what I wanted, it was a lot easier to say yes or no to people!
This has helped my stability as much as my medications.

Julie

I wrote about this excellent question a few blog posts below- and I promised to answer it in the newsletter. Here is a reprint of the newsletter:  

Hi Julie,

You wrote, “I know what I want my future to look like.” I know it’s a huge and possibly unanswerable question but how did you find that out? What you want your future to look like. My doctor and therapist are constantly bugging me to make goals for the future and figure out what I want my life to look like in 5 years. I don’t know! I find it really difficult to make long-term goals because I know reasonably-well that I am probably not going to get there. I crash, and lose everything. It sounds pessimistic, and to a point it is, but looking at my past and my history of episodes and hospitalizations and their outcomes it’s not completely untrue. How do you get past the fear and pick what you want your future to look like? How do you keep the hope alive and keep going when you don’t want to or feel like you can’t survive?

Michelle

Hi Michelle,

My friends see how focused and goal oriented I am and ask me these questions all of the time! What if I don’t have goals? What if I can’t imagine my life in five years? Why is it so easy for you!

To be honest, it has never been easy. But I just keep going as I know that the life I had in the past is not the life I want to have today. Also, a lot of it has to do with personality- I am a typical A type aggressive over achiever which is why being sick for so long was really hard on me. But, to be honest, I also really, really work at it on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. No matter what you personality, you can be goal focused. I believe it’s one of the best ways to survive this illness.

I could write a book on this- and probably will some day- but here is my greatest tip.

You don’t have to know what you want in five years- instead, you have to know what you DON’T want and work from there.

My goal for my life was simply…

- I don’t want to kill myself.

Then I created the Health Cards

- I don’t want to be on disability and unable to work for the rest of my life

So I worked 24 hours a day even when I was sick and psychotic to teach myself how to manage my illness using the Health Cards

- And finally, I don’t want to be lonely with no friends

So I did everything possible to become a good friend myself, which attracted the wonderful friends I have in my life today.

It has been 14 years since I started this.

This was the foundation I used to build a life where I could have intense goals outside of bipolar disorder.
I think a great goal for you would be to write where you DON’T want to be in five years and then make a plan NOT to go there!
Julie 

PS: I write about how I did all of this in all of my books. I started with the tips in Bipolar Happens- moved into the Health Cards and then wrote Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder and Get it Done When You’re Depressed. All of them are ways to create the life I want and to show others how to do the same.

 PS: If you want to sign up for the newsletter, please visit www.bipolarhappens.com and click on the newsletter link at the top of the page. I’m still figuring out how to add the link dirctly to the blog!

I like to answer as many reader questions as possible – and this is a great one. I answered it and then realized the question was so good, I wanted to send it as a newsletter. So, here is the question- the newsletter with the answer will arrive soon.

Hi Julie,

You wrote, “I know what I want my future to look like.” I know it’s a huge and possibly unanswerable question but how did you find that out? What you want your future to look like. My doctor and therapist are constantly bugging me to make goals for the future and figure out what I want my life to look like in 5 years. I don’t know! I find it really difficult to make long-term goals because I know reasonably-well that I am probably not going to get there. I crash, and lose everything. It sounds pessimistic, and to a point it is, but looking at my past and my history of episodes and hospitalizations and their outcomes it’s not completely untrue. How do you get past the fear and pick what you want your future to look like? How do you keep the hope alive and keep going when you don’t want to or feel like you can’t survive?

Michelle

If you have not signed up for the newsletter, you can find a link at the top of www.bipolarhappens.com

If you would like to read past newsletters, there is a menu button to the right for newsletters! Thanks to Michele for this question.

Seasonal Affective Disorder Tip #1

Sea Salt on Your Feet for Depression!

Sea salt on your feet is not as weird as it sounds! When you’re depressed, your energy goes down physically. Here’s a way to make a physical change that can help you manage depression.

Items needed:

Epsom Salts

Essential oils: Peppermint for waking up and Lavender for calming down.

Get in a nice hot bath and pour some salt in the palm of your hand- about a 1/4 th cup. Put 10 drops of the peppermint on your hand if you need energy and the lavender if you need to calm down. Rub the salt mixture together in your hands without spilling all the salt!  Now, rub it all over your feet and up your calves. It feels wonderful.

If you’re very depressed and lethargic, the peppermint can give you enough lift to get on with your day. If you just feel worn out and agitated, the lavender can give you a moment of relief.

I do this most nights. It makes your feet nice and soft as well.

During the winter, you can use eucalyptus along with the lavender. Citrus is a nice and stimulating rub- especially grapefruit. You can also use Tea Tree Oil if you don’t mind the strong smell.

I always feel better when I use this technique.

Julie

PS: Make sure you use natural essential oils and not synthetic oils! And always make sure your skin isn’t over sensitive to the oils- use a small amount at first.

Please click on this link to sign up for the bipolarhappens.com newsletter http://www.bipolarhappens.com/hcnl.php
 

I always feel better when I accomplish something. I’m writing a new book right now and it’s a tough one as it involves some research. I put off the writing because I’m a dodo bird, but it’s going well now. What I always notice when I finally do start writing is that projects take way, way less time to complete than I think they will. I just finished a part of the book I was sure would take about three hours- it took half that!

Remember:

You can unload a dishwasher in three minutes

Clean your room or vacuum your house in 20 minutes

Make five sales calls in 30 minutes

Get rid of a lot of email in one hour

Think of it in terms of watching television. It’s so easy to sit in front of the TV for hours getting nothing done. I used to do that when I was depressed. Now I know that getting up and doing something for just 20 minutes can make a huge difference in my mood.

Julie

I sometimes get in moods where it really feels like I need to just get rid of everything I own. It all seems to crowd me.  It can be odd stuff- such as not being able to stand having a dresser in my room so I throw all of the clothes on my bed and put the dresser outside.

My family is used to this.  They have gotten sneaky. When I say that I have to get all of the bowls out of my kitchen, my mom will help me put them in a bag and then keep them in her basement.  Sometimes a year later I will suddenlly miss my bowls and she will tell me where to find them.

If you don’t have bipolar disorder, you’re probably thinking- Julie is super weird!

Well, bipolar is weird! Right now I have the huge desire to get rid of all of my food in the kitchen. I have so many eating issues and I can just feel how the food is taking up too much space. It’s filling my brain.  My brain is telling me that things would be a lot easier if I literally got rid of everything in the kitchen and started over.

When I tell these stories, most people have some of there own!  When I’m manic it’s especially bad as I have a lot of energy behind the desire.

 I try to be reasonable when I get like this. If it’s something that’s really bothering me such as having too many socks in my closet- I can leave that alone- but if I feel there are too many books on the shelves, I let myself put all of them in a bag and store them somewhere. I feel a lot better. I’ve learned not to put them in my car and take them to Goodwill like I have done in the past.

I have learned to compromise. I wonder if you have ever gone through this!

My sister in law would laugh a lot if she read this as she is the one who often keeps the stuff for me!

Julie

I have a section in Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder on making the most of your doctor visits. Actually, I just remembered that I wrote a column for BP Magazine on the same topic! Some of us have the luxury of unlimited health care professional visits. Others are very limited. No matter what, it’s important to plan for the visits ahead of time. 

 Here are some tips:

- Tell someone you trust about your appointment so that they can remind you of the date and time. You can also ask them to drive you.

- Make a list of questions before you go- You can hand the doctor the questions to save time.

- Look up your meds online to see if any of your questions are answered- that way you can confirm information with your HCP instead of having to take time getting an answer.

-  Keep all of your insurance papers in one place. A simple envelope works. Take what you need to your appointments.  This is very important if you’re on disability. I tend to have my receipts and bills in one big mess. Not a good idea!

- Ask your HCP what you should do if you have an emergency. Do they take after hours calls? And… make sure you don’t abuse this. I believe in a hierarchy of needs- you need to have a list of people to call when you get suicidal, etc. Often, the first person is your therapist and then your doctor. Help lines and friends work as well.  I suggest that you spread yourself out so that no one gets overwhelmed.

- and finally.. my best tip. ALWAYS get the first appointment in the morning if possible. I have saved so much time doing this.

 Good luck – the system can be tough, but we can be tougher!

Julie