I just received the following comment from Janette.  I often then of the difference between mania and religious/spiritual feelings.  It can be so hard to tell the difference. This is also true with the Tarot, psychic readings and anything else that connects to the spiritual world.

No matter what you believe or don’t believe, the facts are that people with mania can have what feels like a magnificent religious experience when manic and then be very devastated when they realize it was mania. Prevention is he key here. If you know your mania starts with religious/spiritual/psychic fervor, you need to know the signs and get help before they go too far. This is one situation my books talk about very, very clearly. You have to know the signs of mania a lot earlier than the signs of depression and psychosis. Mania has such a small treatment window – and you may be in a hospital thinking you’re Jesus before you know it!  Here is Janetta’s letter.

Dear Julie:
I converted to Islam about 23 years ago after running around various religions and even studying them at University.
The dilemma between what is a mystical state and what is mania is truly a fascinating question. I think I’ve had both…and i would now say that a good way to discern the difference is by the effect they have on your own life and that of others.
God is always loving, just, beautiful etc etc whereas mania and craziness isn’t and can be very destructive. Depression feels like hell but if we can reach out to a higher power in that state then we can always have hope and that in itself lets a little chink of light into the darkness…
I could go on and on.
Anyways, thanks so much. I know that God is with you and the good work you do. Janetta

      It’s easy to think you’re psychic when you’re actually just manic- or manic and psychotic! 

Mania can make you feel you’re having a religious experience all of the time. As Janetta pointed out.  The experiences that don’t cause extreme  let down, harm or hospitalization are often the real thing.   Mania and or psychotic induced experiences are usually episodic- in other words, the religious/spiritual intensity of feelings may simply go away when the mood swings ends- which is another way to tell the difference between what is real and what’s an illness.  Julie

Aggressive irritation is a unfortunate symptom of bipolar disorder. It often comes with a down swing or a mixed episode where you’re manic and depressed at the same time.

We all experience irritation- that’s a normal part of life. Getting cut off on the free way- rude people- crowds- long lines at the supermarket.

Aggressive irritation is much more bipolar disorder related- this irritation has a lot of strength behind it. Instead of getting irritated when we get cut off on the free way- we yell and scream, honk the horn and if particularly bad- actually chase down the person with our car. Oh yes, this happens!

If someone is rude to a person in an aggressive irritated mood swing- they had better watch out- the person with bipolar may say, “What the @$@#$#@ are you looking at! You have a problem with me!” And will then move in on them and practically growl.

Some other signs of this aggressive irritation: throwing things- such as wanting to throw your @$@!$ computer across the room when the internet won’t work. Or feeling your head twitch because you’re so angry at something.

This is NOT good stuff, but it’s common.

Bipolar medications can cause this aggressive irritation as well.- so if you’ve started a new bipolar medication and this anger shows up- talk with your doctor immediately.

An aggressive irritation mood swing a very dangerous place to be when you have bipolar disorder as you could end up in jail-  after just a few minutes of blind action. You have to know the very first signs that you’re getting irritated and do something about these little signs before they turn into the aggression. If you do sports, this is a good time to really kick a ball hard or run as far as you can.  Some sun salutation yoga is also a good idea.   Fast walks help as well.

If you don’t do sports, breathing helps as does walking away from what causes you problems. My biggest tool is talking myself down, “Julie, this is bipolar anger and you need to deal with the bipolar. It’s a bit over the top right now, so slow down and do something for yourself instead of putting this mood swing on someone else!”  I write about irritaion and anger in all of my books as it is such a destructive part of bipolar disorder.

You can also take out your aggression on a journal page- that way no one gets hurt!

 Julie

PS: You can read my irritation/anger Health Card and get a good laugh. Some of the things I think and do when I’m in this mood can be pretty stupid!

 This article was first printed in my newsletter. To sign up for the newsletter, please see the link below.

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A few hours later- I just received a comment from Carolyn that is so interesting and helpful I am putting it here:

This really hit home with me….I usually see it as passive/aggressive with me…..when I am irritated, I can be soooo passive/aggressive. I just want to strike out, but do it in this way to others…..but usually I am the one who is hurt and the other person has no idea what is going on. I am so angry, irritated…..it is when I feel like I am being pushed in a corner and I need to claw my way out…. this is usually triggered by people who want to tie me up on the phone or just want to talk and talk. I have a son, who has no one but me to talk to and I am not taking charge of this situation and it triggers this reaction in me. Maybe some others will read this and see the same in themselves and maybe even offer advice, but I will probably not take it since I am in this pattern of behavior that I am having difficulty breaking. I need a therapist and have one, but my next appointment is in Sept. In the meantime, I will read my self-help books and try to do what I already know that I am supposed to do….since this is my son and these are friends who are driving me over the cliff, I find it difficult cutting off this behavior that is so damaging to me. Makes my bipolar worst. Thanks for giving me a chance to make a comment. Thank you for your blog.

Carolyn

I just received a comment from David that is very familiar- people often ask me- “Hypomania is good, isn’t it?”  David brings up a similar point.

Hi Julie,

I’ve never figured out why the diagnosis of “hypomania” is a problem… it seems like a good thing all around. There’s nothing wrong with chasing hypomania. In fact if you can live your life, or most of your life, in that state, then more power to you.
Mania, on the other hand, is just destructive.

Hi David,

You bring up a great point- it does seem that hypomania would be a good thing. One of the main problems is that though it may start off as a good thing if you have euphoric hypomania – it often takes over a person’s life in a negative way. I had a three month hypomanic episode in 1987 that did not end well- I was high for three months. I got married after knowing someone for one week. Many people with this kind of hypomania drink and do drugs, rarely sleep, make very dangerous decisions, upset their families, leave their jobs, travel without thinking and spend money like crazy.  It can actually be very destructive- the problem is that the person with the hypomania feels so good, they can ‘t see the destruction. Then, most people go down after a hypomania. Unless you have a form of the illness where you’re mostly manic- the saying ‘what goes up most come down’ is applicable here.

I do love hypomania- I really do- but only at the beginning. This is why I never let mine go too far- I always go way down once  it’s over!

Then there is dysphoric hypomania- that’s agitated mild mania that can be mixed with depression. It’s so uncomfortable and often at just a low enough level that you can do a lot of damage to relationships because you’re so darn unpleasant to be around. Sleep is also a problem here.

I guess that hypomania is like being on a drug.  We all know that people originally take drugs to feel better- and hypomania sure does feel good after a downswing- this is why I want to chase it, but I don’t. I am more creative, expansive, outgoing, fun and wild when I’m hypomanic- to the point that I used to make a lot of mistakes- I don’t do that anymore.  Now I have to accept that the hypomania is not good for me!

I think that one of the most confusing things is that people with hypomania don’t have psychosis- which is often what makes full blown mania so awful- and people with hypomania are just high enough to cause problems, but not quite out of it enough to need treatment.  This is a great comment, so I’m going to put it on the blog.

Do any of you have positive hypomania with no downsides or no downswings afterwards?

Julie

I really appreciate and learn from reader comments. I read all of them. I try to respond as much as possible. I especially appreciate comments that give different opinions to what I’ve written on the blog and in my books. I really mean this. My view of bipolar disorder is not the only view- that’s for sure!

I’ve learned so much since I became well enough to write my books- this was in 2001. Not that long ago! Since then I’ve found a medication that has helped immensely with my symptoms (Lamictal) and have continued to use my Health Cards treatment plan- but there are definitely areas of my writing regarding myself that are out of date. It can be hard to see your ideas in print when you have changed your situation! For example, in my books Bipolar Happens and Tips for Talking with Health Care Professionals, I mention quite often that I can’t take meds. That changed and now I have to go back and edit the books to make sure they reflect my current situation. My ideas in the books are the same- I just have to keep them up to date on myself!

Do you write about this illness? Do you have a blog? I have found that writing saves my life. I can write when I feel too depressed to live. I can also see the hypomania in my writing as I use over the top happy words and my thoughts are faster than my hand.

The writing reminds me that I have been sick before and I will be sick again- but it’s an illness and not the real me. I wrote my traditionally published books (Loving, Take Charge and Get it Done) while very depressed and often a bit psychotic. Oh well!

So please do keep sending comments. They make me think and really help me move forward when life seems impossible.

Julie

Hi There,

I am constantly amazed at what great comments readers leave on the site. It helps me to remember that bipolar disorder is an illness and we all get sick in the same way. We truly don’t have ‘emotional problems!’ We have trouble regulating our emotions. It’s a big difference.

If you have a comment you feel would help someone- feel free to post it under their comment. I just ask that you stick to your own experience and what has worked and hasn’t worked for you. This helps more than you know because your story lets others know they are not weird and they are not alone!  (We just act weird and feel lonely- ha ha)

I woke up depressed- reading the blog this morning helped! I am just going to get on with my day.

It’s an illness and we can manage it.

Julie

Here is a question from a brave reader who is dealing with some tough problems surrounding mania. Most of us have been through them- one of the main symptoms of mania is a lack of judement and control around sex. Beleive me, I had that problem for a long time. Here is the question and my answer:

I suddenly am unable to control the sexual drive towards another man who is happy to soothe me. I am a happily married woman. I seem to get caught up in the moment and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t seem to want to stop. He comforts me and brings sanity to an otherwise insane world. I know it would break my spouses heart and that he would leave me it he knew. I have to say I wouldn’t blame him. I know there is no future with this man, just comfort. Help.

Hi Sara,

Immediate help is needed and it has to start with you. If this is mania- even mild mania- it means that what you do now has the potential to wreck your future. If you have never done anything like this in your past and have not had problems with your husband in the past- go to the doctor now and tell what is happening with your bipolar disorder. It’s easier to do this first than try to handle this completely on your own with the other man. If you were on a drinking binge and in the gutter- you would have to get help for your drinking- if you have bipolar disorder and are having an affair – as many, many people do when they are manic- then you need meds and help ASAP.

Mania is so tricky. It tells you in the moment that all is fine- and then when it ends, you come out of it and say – oh my god. What was I thinking? That wasn’t me? My ex Ivan had an affair when he was manic. He was devastated when he got out of the hosptial and the mania was gone. Luckily, I knew enough about mania by then to know it wasn’t him.

But you have reasoning now- or you would not have written this site- this means that the mania is not bad enough for you to not see what you’re doing as was the case with Ivan.

Here is your choice- to let bipolar disorder and the choices you are making now ruin your life- or to find the strengh in you now to call your doctor and get meds that will help.

It’s up to you and I know YOU know what choice you must make immediatly. If I can control my sexual behavior around milder mania- you can do the same. It’s hard, but it’s 100% possible.

You were able to write your brave comment on this site and you are ABLE to take charge of your life and save your relationship with your husband.

You CAN DO IT!

julie

Welcome to new visitors on the Julie Fast Bipolar Disorder Blog

If you’re new to the Julie Fast blog, there is a wealth of information in the archives to the right.

I suggest starting with the Mania and Rapid Cycling sections as they are often the most confusing parts of bipolar disorder.

Last year the following topics received the most comments:

Generic Lamictal

Generic Lamictal- wow, we went crazy with this one as I had a terrible reaction to generic Lamictal, as did many of the blog readers. But, many of you wrote and said the generic Lamictal was just fine for you. Generics are an interesting topic as few people really understand them- including all of the people I asked when I got sick!

Britney Spears

The Britney Spears saga was also followed very closely- I was interviewed in US Magazine and on TV about her manic episode and subsequent psychosis and down swing- but I have to say that considering that she went out on tour less than a year later- I seriously doubt it’s bipolar disorder… can you imagine getting that sick and then going back to work that soon? I now feel it may have been a onetime episode- this definitely happens.  Who knows! As I say in the blog entries- we can only speculate- what matters is that she seems to be ok now. Lucky her.  Maybe she does have the illness and is an exception!

 Bipolar Disorder Treatment

This is obviously my specialty. I’m often asked why I focus on bipolar disorder so much-  the truth is that it focuses on me too much!  When you have stable periods between mood swings – it’s called euthymia. I don’t get euthymia! I have the chronic stuff- writing about it keeps me well. I use my own tips daily. I try them out for a long time before I write about them. My books are listed in the About Julie’s Books tab on the menu bar.  My treatment system called The Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder is found on www.bipolarhappens.com.

These are just a few of the topics on this blog. If you’re new, welcome! I hope you find a lot of information and hope- and don’t forget to read the reader comments-  there is a little icon about each blog entry that lets you see how many people have commented!  The blog gets over 10,000 hits a month, so there is always great
content!

Welcome!

Julie