I just received this comment on the blog I wrote on bipolar depression:

“ I want to die. Can you help me please. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I don’t want to live anymore.”

It’s hard to get these emails- not because they shock me- they don’t, but because I wish I could sit across from the person and tell them why they feel the way they do and that they can get through this.

Since I can’t actually look at the person, I will write them here.

Hi. I’ve been suicidal so many times I can no longer count the episodes.  Suicidal thoughts are a completely normal part of bipolar disorder. We get depressed, manic, anxious and paranoid, just to name a few- and we also get suicidal.

Wanting to die is actually something different than it seems- it’s actually wanting to end the pain that comes with bipolar disorder depression. I can remember being so suicidal that I was rolling on the floor in order not to do something I didn’t really want to do. I’m not kidding about this. The compulsion that comes with suicidal thoughts is what makes it so dangerous.  When I had thoughts of running my car off a bridge, I said out loud, “I don’t want to kill myself! This is not real! This is bipolar lying to me!”  and I kept driving until I was off the bridge.

Bipolar disorder is a VERY dangerous illness. It makes you think and do things you don’t really think and don’t really want to do. That’s why it’s so important to separate yourself from the suicidal thoughts.

I see my suicidal thoughts as separate. They are not me- they are bipolar disorder.  I hope you can do that- if you really examine what you’re thinking, you can see that there is a lot of crap going around in your head that doesn’t represent you. It’s not the real you. It’s the illness talking.

Once you can see the you in there and feel the you in there- you can say to yourself, this is bipolar talking and I’m going to get help immediately.

I assure you- you don’t want to kill yourself. You want to get better. I hate suicidal thoughts because they aren’t fair and they are SO tricky.

I’m 44- and I’ve been suicidal off and on since I was 19. I have survived and you can too.

Here is how to get help- first of all, say out loud- “I’m suicidal because I have bipolar disorder. These thoughts are not real. They are a sign that I’m very sick.”

Next- call your doctor immediately.  Say, “This is an emergency. I have bipolar disorder and I’m thinking of killing myself.” This is an honest way to ask for help. If you fell down and broke a leg- you would scream for help. You have to do the same thing now.

If you don’t have access to your doctor- call a suicide hotline-  if you go to www.moodgarden.com you will see suicide numbers on the left side of the page.  There is also a link there for more help on what you’re going through.

If you’re worried for your immediate physical health, call 911. They know what to do. Be honest, “I have bipolar disorder- I’m suicidal and I need help.”  Or, “I’m bipolar and I just took a bottle of pills and I need help ”

You may notice that I’m being very methodical when I talk with you. It’s because I would do the same thing if I saw you bleeding on the side of the road. I would help you and remind you that things are going to be ok. You just need professional help.  I would never expect you to take care of yourself on your own.

Suicidal thoughts are completely normal when you have a mental illness. They are not the real you.  The real you wants help. There is a lot of help out there.  I encourage you to take care of the you that wants to live and not listen to the illness that is lying to you.  I’m alive and well because I do this every time I get suicidal. 

Julie

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Sucidal thoughts are normal when you have bipolar disorder. I was really stressed the day before my new radio show last week. I was on a busy road and saw a red light up ahead. My mind said, “Julie, you can just run that red light and a car will hit you and all will be taken care of!” These thoughts used to scare me a lot. I now know they’re a response to stress. My friend Lani, who was the guest on the show that day said, “Well, your brain thought is was helping!”

So true. These thoughts are not real. They are manufactured by a bipolar brain. Don’t listen.

Julie

Many of my readers have written and asked if I think that Britney Spears has bipolar disorder. I don’t normally try to figure out the behavior of superstars. The pressures of their careers can often cause behavior that mimics bipolar – as does the drug and alcohol use that accompanies the lifestyle. But the Britney Spears situation is different. Something is wrong here. .Usually when I hear an incident on the TV or read something in a magazine I can tell if bipolar is involved. Britney Spears is more difficult to figure out.

Here is a recap of her life in the media:

She was a child star on the Mickey Mouse Club show- along with Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and the actor Ryan Gosling. She had a mega hit with the song Hit Me Baby One More Time and was known much more for her sexy dancing and costumes than her singing ability. And yet, it was obvious that she was very talented. She was in the news quite often during her relationship with Justin Timberlake, but there was very little scandal or over the top behavior. I think for many people, she was sexy, but not considered too talented. I’ve always disagreed! Anyone who can maintain a career in the music industry and make millions of dollars from her singing and concerts is talented. I think it has always just been fun to bash Britney Spears. I also think that many people would agree that she worked very hard for her success and always had. There is no comparison to her and someone like Paris Hilton. Britney put in the time.

A few years ago she met and married a dancer named Kevin Federline. He had quite a reputation for being a party boy and she started to follow his lead. Now, here is where things get difficult. If Britney does have bipolar, and I’m not sure that she does, it’s common to meet someone who seems to influence you in a bad way and yet you may be the one leading the situation with your manic behavior.

In other words, if Britney did have signs of bipolar mania it would be pretty easy to find someone to take along for the ride. I’ve done it so many times I can’t count them all.

She got pregnant very quickly and then got pregnant again as soon as her first son was born. This further complicates things as post partum depression can cause so many symptoms that mimic bipolar disorder. She was interviewed last year and said she didn’t have post partum depression. She also posted a lot of odd messages on her blog. I was watching all of this with interest- simply because she’s so famous and I’ve always liked her as an artist, but then things just kept getting worse. She was caught driving with her child in her lap. She was accused of being a negligent mother. She did a reality show with Kevin Ferderline that was supposedly quite… interesting.

Eventually, she started to party and neglect her kids in a very obvious way. There were a lot of pictures of her drinking and the drug rumors got stronger- there had been drug rumors for quite a while, but these seemed pretty substantial.

Eventually she and Federline broke up and agreed on joint custody- but Britney couldn’t seem to handle that. There were more pics of her drinking and taking off her top in a swimming pool while surrounded by strangers. (Does this sound familiar to any of you who have experienced mania!) but once again- this can all be drug centered behavior as well.

She then started going in and out of rehab. Finally, her behavior got out of hand- she shaved her head in public, went after her own car with an umbrella and checked in and out of rehab again.

This is when it became pretty obvious that bipolar is a possibility. So many of her behaviors are familiar to those of us affected by the illness- depression, manic behavior, impulsive acts, sexual mistakes, drugs and alcohol- a complete change in behavior from the past- I know I went through all of this…

She eventually lost custody of her sons and her very sad drugged out performance on the MTV Music awards a few months ago pretty much sealed her fate in the media- she was destroying herself and her career all at once. It truly has been a train wreck – and they haven’t let anyone forget it.

I don’t think that anyone who has watched Britney Spears over the years from her very controlled, professional and amazing dance performances on MTV with snakes and Madonna just to name a few, would have ever thought any of this was possible. She honestly didn’t fit the pattern of many self destructive Hollywood stars.

A few weeks ago it came out that her 16 year old sister, Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. That would be a trigger for any sister, whether she has a mental illness or not. And then finally, this weekend, Britney locked herself in a bathroom with her young son and refused to come out. She was taken away in restraints. She tested negative for drugs and alcohol.

All of this is making me sick. The poor girl. I happened to see a few minutes of an ‘entertainment’ show on TV last night and it showed how she was not even able to talk to her car without dozens of cameras in her face. I would lock myself in a bathroom as well.

Rumors are that Britney was on a psych drug and went off which caused the erratic behavior- others say that she is a pill addict, etc. etc. Who knows? We don’t know her and never will. I try to keep myself separate from gossip in my life and certainly don’t want to make celebrity gossip a part of my daily conversation, but here in the states it’s quite the norm. Everyone is talking about Britney.

Back to the bipolar- the illness is quite easy to diagnose is a person finds the right doctor who knows how to ask the right questions. This means taking a very deep family history in terms of mental illness and alcohol/drug use. The next step for bipolar is to establish if there is true mania. This can be difficult if a person is constantly in the limelight or is using drugs and alcohol. As you probably know, mania is the deciding factor for bipolar- without mania- there is not bipolar disorder. Post partum depression also has to be examined- a person can become depressed, psychotic or manic from post partum- so this assessment is very important. Whomever examines Britney needs to talk with close family and friends as well- not the people she’s been hanging around with since the behavior started a few years ago. Then, the doctor needs to go over all of the questions in the DSM IV- as I said, this is not a difficult illness to diagnose once a full history is taken- the problem is that people can be very avoidant of getting the diagnosis. No matter what- there are so many indications of bipolar disorder right now that the illness must at least be ruled out.

Another scenario is that she has been diagnosed and is not complying with the treatment.

Here is my take on the situation: First of all, those of us on the outside only get what the media tells us. It’s all negative all of the time and it’s disgusting. I know that I would not be able to survive it. The vicious media around her is just like the type that surrounded Princess Diana- and we see what happened there. Can someone put a restraining order on the media if they are endangering someone’s life? So, in that respect- I don’t think the media is necessarily a good source of information- but considering that she has literally had her life catalogued in pictures for the past few years, there are a lot of indications that suggest bipolar disorder.

There are also a lot of indications that the problems could be pressure and drug use. It’s actually too complicated to figure out. I recently saw Bill Clinton speak- he briefly mentioned the cut throat world of the media and said, “And that poor girl Britney Spears! Just leave her alone. She’s a kid.” Everyone nodded and cheered. They agreed, leave her alone.

But she will never be left alone and that’s sad. Does this have to be a part of fame? Before I was diagnosed, I lived a life much like what Britney is going through- no fame of course, but a lot of world travel and huge mistakes- if it had been detailed in pictures I would not be here now I’m sure. I would have killed myself in shame and from all of the stress. A harsh truth isn’t it.

I think that there is a good chance that Britney has bipolar disorder and the only way to know is to get her away from the media frenzy and into a place that is calm and far away from Hollywood and all of her entourage- where she can talk to someone and find out what’s really going on. I’m not talking about therapy- that is not what is needed right now and it won’t work anyway. Therapy is for treatment, not diagnosis. She needs to know what is going on in terms of her behavior… she needs to have some peace to stop the runaway merry go round- which is how I used to describe my mind when I was really sick.

Taking the time needed for a diagnosis is essential. I don’t even think my books are something a person uses before they are diagnosed- I write treatment plans- I help people once they are diagnosed and there are millions and millions of us. We need help before we kill ourselves or lose our kids or wreck our careers. Then we need the books- I always recommend that family members do read my books if they suspect someone they love is bipolar, but the person with the illness often needs stronger treatment at first.

I hope that Britney’s family can listen to what her behavior is saying- it’s not saying, I’m a typical Hollywood screw up- we can leave that to Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Britney Spears is different. She is in pain and danger. She’s obviously in a situation she can’t control. No one wants to act the way she’s acting- her behaviors suggest a brain problem- not a personality problem. She has become a part of the American way of life whether we like it or not, and we have an obligation as people affected by bipolar disorder to make sure she gets the help she needs- whether it’s bipolar or not. Not one of us needs to go through what she’s going through and I think that you are probably someone who understands- bipolar ruins lives- I hope she doesn’t have it… that is for sure. But if she does, it’s a good thing to have a diagnosis. Then the craziness can end and she can rebuild her life. I’ve done it- you’ve probably done it or know someone who has. She can do it too.

Julie A. Fast
www.bipolarhappens.com

Prevent the Holiday Blues

The holidays are a great time to visit with family and friends, exchange presents, look at beautiful lights and eat delicious food. Unfortunately, they can also be a very stressful and depressing time for people with a mental illness and their family members. As a person with bipolar disorder, I often have trouble with the holidays.   This is why I plan my day’s way in advance to make sure I minimize stress and increase my enjoyment.  

Do you have a plan for the holidays yet? No matter what you celebrate- now is a good time to really think where you want to be and what you want to do during the last few weeks of the year.  

The following ideas can help:  

Holidays have the reputation for being jolly, family oriented, exciting times. People are often on vacation and families who haven’t seen each other in a while get together. Because of this, there is naturally a built in expectation that a person has to be happy this time of the year. This is not always the case with bipolar disorder is it? If a person doesn’t have close family or a place to go- the holidays can intensify this and make a person very sad. Television and movies don’t help. When I watch the holiday commercials with all of the parties and gorgeous looking people I start to think- they are having so much more fun that I am! This isn’t necessarily true, but it feels real. This is one reason I don’t watch much television!  

In terms of loneliness, there is a group called meetin.org that has holiday events.  There are many people who want to be with others during the holidays- it just takes some planning to find them and create a good experience.  

Feeling Overwhelmed 

For others, the frantic pace of the holidays can cause stress and an overwhelmed feeling that can lead to hopelessness and sadness. You may ask yourself- I have such a great family, why can’t I just have fun like everyone else? Or I have so much to be thankful for, why am I unhappy when it’s such a great time of the year? You can experience a lot of guilt because of these feelings and family members may not understand at all. This is when I suggest that you plan to do a lot less way ahead of time – you can then warn family and friends that in order to stay sane and happy, you are  letting everyone else decorate, plan and cook.

You still have a few weeks to decide what is realistic for you. Remember, as I always talk about in my work, you have to treat bipolar disorder first. Even before the holidays .A friend of mine decided last week that she’s not decorating the outside of her house for the first time in 10 years. She felt guilty as she has an 11 year old son, but there is no doubt that he would prefer a stress free mom who has time to actually enjoy the holidays instead of one who is so stressed that nothing is really fun.  

Suicide 

The holiday season is the number one time for suicide for people with bipolar disorder and depression. If you have suicidal thoughts or have a history of suicide attempts, now is the time to make sure you are well protected and loved during the holidays. In fact, this is essential. I always remind people that suicidal thoughts are normal when you have a mental illness.  The holidays are so stressful for some, that the thoughts just start raging. If this sounds true for you, what do you need to do right now to make sure you stay safe? Call your doctor? Talk with a friend? Talk to family members? Create a plan for yourself you can use if or when the thoughts begin? There are options. You have to start planning now.  

A Set Schedule 

I know that I have to be so careful and make sure I know exactly what I will do on Christmas Eve, Christmas day and New Year’s as I will not stay well if I’m alone. Luckily I have family and friends who understand- at least they try to.  They know I don’t do presents- except for my little nephew.  I stopped giving and getting presents over eight years ago and don’t regret it! I never cook either!  I keep away from busy stores and work on my mental health daily. It’s not fair, but I’ve learned that the depression can be really bad if I don’t do these things.  I like it when my mom and friends decorate and I try to spend as much time with them as possible. I do love to be in festive settings- I just can’t create them myself. If you decide to do something similar this year, expect it to be hard on others at first, but they will definitely happy if you’re happier!   

The New Year 

And finally- the rituals around New Year’s Eve can magnify what didn’t happen the year before- such as still being single or not having the stability you need to work.  (Sound familiar?) So many people have goals for a year and yet they don’t get it done. Facing this all on one day can be pretty tough. This can be prevented by saying to yourself - I did my best this year. 2008 is a new year. The past is the past and I learn from it! I am proud for what I have accomplished.

You can do this as soon as you finish this newsletter.  No matter what did or didn’t happen this year, you can have a great holiday season. You have a few weeks to get ready- I hope you have a lot of fun.     
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Julie A. Fast best selling author of Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder and Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder is a critically acclaimed six-time author, award winning bipolar disorder advice columnist, national speaker, and sought after expert in the fields of bipolar disorder and depression. Julie’s work specializes in helping people manage all aspects of their daily lives -despite the complications that bipolar disorder creates. To learn how to personalize a plan to help yourself or a loved one find and create stability that ensures the quality of life that we all deserve, visit: http://www.bipolarhappens.com