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    Reader comment on suicidal thoughts….

    I write a lot about suicide on this blog. I just received this comment from one of the posts. I replied to the comment below:

    Hi Julie,

    And, now I’m scared.  This down keeps on keeping on and more and more I cannot see the point of my living.  Diagnosed 12 years ago and many meds later I’m not confined to my bed but I’m just awake more to alienate myself from everyone and experience longer and more excruciating bouts of pain.  I understand that fighting attitude and I keep trying to rise above it and then I get weary and then I can’t fight my way out of a paper bag.  I’ve lost all credibility with family, friends and co-workers.  I don’t want to be around someone like me.  I have not stopped crying for weeks. I cry while I’m walking, I cry at  thru water aerobics  Now, I’m just holding on until I [ Read More ]





    Posted on November 29th, 2009 | Tags: , , | Category: Suicide

    Living with bipolar suicidal thoughts…

    Hi, It’s hard for me to write blogs when I’m so suicidal.  I wrote a few days ago about a bad experience with Zoloft that put me into a severe downswing.

    I just had a conversation with my coauthor Dr. John Preston and he said, “Julie, you always keep the fighting attitude alive. You keep moving even when it’s hard to keep moving.”

    And then we asked the question- What’s the alternative!

    I don’t want to kill myself, but my brain doesn’t get the message sometimes. I was crying in bed last night with the thoughts, “Is this all there is to my life? Will I always be this sick? Does anyone care about me? Am I going to die from this illness? Will I be alone forever? Does my work have a purpose? Why am I on this earth?  I am left out of everything. My life is so small.”

    If you have ever [ Read More ]





    Posted on June 25th, 2009 | Tags: , , | Category: Suicide

    Bipolar Disorder and Holiday Cheer

    Get ready for the holidays- today!

    I’m planning my winter holidays right now.  I tend to get very depressed when I don’t plan ahead.  There is so much cheer around me! Holiday cheer! If only regular people knew what it’s like for us.  Especially those of us who have some odd family dynamics!

    What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Where will you go for the holidays in December? Do you have plans for New Year’s?  No matter where you live, December and January are usually on a different schedule.  Bipolar disorder doesn’t like schedule changes!

    Suicides peak during the holidays. If we plan now- In September- we can make things really different this year and have some holiday cheer ourselves!

    Julie





    Depression and Suicide

    I just received this comment on the blog I wrote on bipolar depression:

    “ I want to die. Can you help me please. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I don’t want to live anymore.”

    It’s hard to get these emails- not because they shock me- they don’t, but because I wish I could sit across from the person and tell them why they feel the way they do and that they can get through this.

    Since I can’t actually look at the person, I will write them here.

    Hi. I’ve been suicidal so many times I can no longer count the episodes.  Suicidal thoughts are a completely normal part of bipolar disorder. We get depressed, manic, anxious and paranoid, just to name a few- and we also get suicidal.

    Wanting to die is actually something different than it seems- it’s actually wanting to end the pain that comes with bipolar disorder depression. I [ Read More ]