things I can do….

I can EAT. I can talk with friends- play with my nephew and see my friends.

I can even feel ok.

But at the same time- I find it almost impossible to work. It’s so odd how bipolar disorder affects me.  My friends will say,
“Julie! We all have trouble working sometimes.’ If you have bipolar disorder, you will hear this a lot. People don’t really understand that it’s so different when you can’t work because of bipolar disorder. I literally feel like I’m being pulled apart inside. One part of me wants and needs to work- the other part is doing everything possible to make it difficult. My brain is in what I call the civil war. It’s a fight. Sometimes this is so hard I end up spending much more time trying to work than actually working! but I don’t let it stop me. I will keep fighting so that I can do the work that improves my future.

If you care about someone with bipolar who has trouble working- you can go to the menu on the right and check the work button to read all about my terrific troubles with work! It’s a normal symptom of the illness. We have to learn how to get around it.

Julie

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Hi, I’m having a tough day depression wise- then I read this comment from Gerry in Australia. It was so positive I wanted to put it here:

Comment:

G’Day all I am new to the blog, but would like to say something positive on this issue which I hope will encourage everyone else with bipolar. I’m lucky because I don’t suffer from some of the worst symptoms of bipolar & also was rather old when I had my first psychotic episode. So before that I managed to get a BA with Honours & a Phd. Now I am a full time academic in Politics. It was only after working full time for 7 years that I discovered that I had bipolar. It does impact on my work sometimes, but my Dept. has been very good about making some allowances. I have published 2 books and many articles. I have learnt Spanish and travelled to Latin America on my own to do field research on numerous occasions. You too can succeed! As a teacher who has studied all I can say on “college” as you call it in the States is go do it!

Dr Gerry

bipolarhappens.com reader question

Julie,

When you say you have trouble finding a comfortable place to work, do you mean creating good physical surroundings? Finding an appropriate setting? Balancing solitude with working with people? Just curious.

Hi!

It’s all of those things. I guess my main problem is brain fog when it comes to focusing on thing I have to do in order. For example, I have a ton of deadlines in the next week. A book chapter is due. I have to get ready for my DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) presentation for the September conference and I have to get copy ready for a class I’m teaching. If I have one project- I can complete it very easily. Having five or six projects jumbles my mind. I make a lot of charts! Another problem is that a lot of my work brings money in months and months later- such as writing a book. So I have to work on what is financially viable first, but sometimes that is not what has to get done!

I like working in crowds while I listen to my ipod. So that is not a problem.

I often find chairs and the height of tables a problem. I never work at home as I get too distracted! It’s for all of these ridiculous roadblocks is why I wrote Get it Done When You’re Depressed. The reason I WILL meet all of my deadlines is because of the tips in that book.

I’m excited that I can work again. It’s a miracle. But no one told me the scheduling would be so hard. My brain just stops and if I’m not really careful the depression comes back pretty strongly!

Julie

I’ve had trouble working for about a week now. That’s nothing new- what’s odd is that I haven’t been depressed- just restless and a bit unhappy. Wait! That is depression!

I’m using all of my techniques to end this non productive cycle.

My goal today is making it to the library to work on a project that’s due the 18th. That is a problem. Just writing it down on this blog is stressful, so it makes more sense to go take care of the problem than worry about it all day.

I will keep you posted.

Do you need to do something you’ve been putting off?

Julie

I’m not doing too well today. I haven’t been doing well for a few days actually! A few days ago I had catatonic depression. My mother came over and helped me clean my room. That helped a lot!

Yesterday I was up and down. I decided to go to a movie last night so that I didn’t have to hear my depressed thoughts. That helped a lot!

Today I am fighting IT again. But it won’t win! It never does.

Bipolar depression is a scary thing, but I remind myself all day long- It’s an illness.

Today is a tough day in terms of work. I have an article due for BP Magazine and it’s a struggle. I just remind myself of what my books say. I don’t have to feel like doing something in order to GET IT DONE!

It’s 7PM. I am going to finish my article and get to bed early. As always, my plan is to go to bed feeling better than when I woke up. I will accomplish that tonight!

Bipolar disorder is an illness. You probably see yourself in what I write- because we share an illness.

I want this to go away forever- but it just hangs around sometimes! It’s an illness.

You will be able to read my magazine article in the fall. Because I’m going to finish it right now….

Julie