I didn’t feel up to working today, but I’m so glad I did. I would say my depression was reduced by half just by doing my work. It was weighting on me that I haven’t worked enough this week. No matter how sick I am, I can still sit down and work.

It’s a lot easier when I’m manic- but then I don’t want to work- I just want to party and have a good time.

What a confusing illness- work is an expression of who we are and what we want in life- it makes us money and gives us a purpose. It supports families and can even make us famous. And bipolar can take it all away in just a few hours depending on what mood swing shows up.

We all need a plan for those days so that we can and will sit down no matter what!

I always remind myself that opening my computer is often all it takes to finish a project- I just have to nudge my brain in the right direction when it can’t nudge itself!

If that makes sense.

Julie

Well, I certainly know a lot of people who have been hit hard by our ‘current economic situation.’ That is for sure. Some of my friends have lost jobs, others have seen their profits decrease- and many are worried about getting laid off.But! I also have friends who have done very well in this economy. For example, a friend of mine works for an online college and they are doing very well. Refinanice mortgage companies and debt relief companies sure seem to be going strong.

My moods have defintely been affected by all that is going on. It’s a daily task to remain positive- but I have to do it. What is the alternative? I would rather be in a bad situation with a good attitude than a bad situation with a despairing attitude.This takes 24 hour work on my part. The positive attitude can be tough.

I was on TV yesterday – which was fun and great- then a few hours later I heard that one of my very important recording studio work projects fell through. It was quite a blow. I was down last night and woke up pretty worried this morning- and then I thought to myself: Only I can do something about this.I made it to my office and started to work. I got online to find another recording studio- I put some flowers on my desk- they are beautiful irises. I talk with my webmaster soon – we will work on continually improving my books and website.You just have to keep going even when you’re crying. Here is one of my favorite pictures of all time.

 I am always sending it to people-The way my day turns out is up to me. I may be depressed – I may be sad, but I can still work and see friends and family. What my brain is saying is not always true! There is a big difference between depression and concern about work and the economy! Things will pick up as they always do- and we will be going strong again!Julie

PS: I just sent out a great newsletter on paranoia and relationships- if you are on the mailing list and didn’t receive the newsletter, please check your spam folder. If you

Here is a reader question from Michelle. She asks important questions. How DO we get through the days, weeks, months and years when we have focus problems because of bipolar disorder!

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Hi Julie 

Can you please tell me how you are consistently productive and living with bipolar disorder?
I too, am a writer, and I start projects, but can’t finish them. I have boundless energy for awhile, then I crash. I can’t commit to making long term projects with people because I can’t depend on myself that I can follow through. Where do you get your energy? How do you manage on a daily basis? I wake up each day not knowing how I am going to feel. I have to live day by day, and it sucks. Any positive feedback and/or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Michelle,

Hi Michelle,

Thanks for your question- to be honest, I go through everything you describe above- and I go through it every single day. My life changed when I learned to work as much as possible despite all of the bipolar symptoms. I created my Health Cards Treatment Plan for Bipolar Disorder in 1999. I have used the system every day for ten years- that taught me how to manage the illness. I learned what triggers most of my mood swings and how I have to take care of myself in order to be well enough to function. Without the Health Cards, I would not be able to work or have stable relationships. They saved my life.

But having said that, having a system doesn’s take away the illness. In the past two months, I’ve had a different mood every day. I agree with you, it’s exhausting.

It may seem like I really have bipolar disorder taken care of, but I still live with strong and constant bipolar disorder symptoms- today for example: I got up and had a hard time focusing on what I    (this is hilarious- I just went back to read this and see that I just left this sentence hanging!)

I want to write a blog every day, but I’m  certainly having trouble writing this. I having thoughts that say- “What’s the point? It’s just writing and writing all over again. Why don’t you get a career you love? If you didn’t have to make money, you wouldn’t even be here. Life is pointless and lonely.” (Isn’t depression lovely!)

Today is definitely tough.
I’m in my new office, but my office mates aren’t here. My brain is telling me I’m lonely and my life is pointless, so being around people would help. But they’re not here so I have to deal with it.

I realized one day- with perfect clarity- that I didn’t want bipolar disorder to control my life. I did everything possible to change everything that was making me more ill. I had to find my triggers and reduce them or stop them. Then I kept trying meds until I found Lamictal. Today is hard- just writing this is causing anxiety. So I will leave it here for a minute and come back to it. I don’t have to want to do something to get it done, nor do I have to feel like doing something in order to get it done. I have to get through it by any means possible.

I could go on and on here- but my biggest piece of advice is to focus on the outcome of a project. If you focus on the project itself you will get overwhelmed. I know that if I stay here I will not only get work done, I will feel better when I do go see friends later this evening.

All of your excellent questions are answered in my books with a lot more detail- these are big questions so I can’t do them justice here. All people with bipolar disorder have them. I’ve managed to create a life where I can get things done because I use my own work on a daily basis. It’s already written down so I don’t have to constantly try new things. I want to leave my office right now and go somewhere to ‘feel better.’ But I know myself well- I will feel 100% better if I stay here and work.

I am so anxious – my focus is that of a seven year old! I’m staring and this and then I realize I’m not even looking at the page. I’m in some kind of catatonic fugue. But I will keep going because I know what outcome I want for today. I know you can do the same. It takes time. I’ve been using my system for ten years – it’s fully in place now with myself and all of the people in my life. I’m here in my office writing this – all I want to do it get out- but get out to where? I have nothing planned until later this evening. My family is busy. I don’t want to spend money. I’m not hungry. I want to succeed with my life and business. So I will stay here.

Thanks again for your question. You can be a professional writer- it just takes a plan you can use every day! I wrote my first book only a few years ago- I used to start and stop projects and wonder why I was such a failure- when I realized it was bipolar disorder and that managing the illness helped my writing, I started to have success.
Julie

I hope that all of you have a subscription to the excellent magazine BP Magazine: Hope and Harmony for People with Bipolar Disorder as it’s a truly amazing resource- it really does make you feel better to read each issue!
I have had a column in the magazine for four years. I write on a variety of topics. My last topic was on work.
You can read the whole article under my posting at the top of the page. It’s a great article for all of us who struggle to reconcile our work desires with our actual abilities. Ok, let’s be real- what I just wrote is an euphemism for the reality many of us face- we want to reach a work (or school) goal and bipolar disorder gets in our way and we then have to rethink, regroup and try something that may be quite different from what we want for ourselves. Bla.

Along with relationships, work is the biggest trigger of bipolar disorder symptoms. Just great.  If you love someone with this illness- it may seem that we just don’t try hard enough to work.  In reality, we probably try a lot harder than most people-  it can be hard for us, believe me!

Here is the link:

http://bphope.ning.com/page/talk-to-bps-writers

Julie

BP Magazine is great for family and friends as well as people with the illness- there is a lot of research information along with the excellent- peer written artilces.

My ability to work without struggling all day is very, very random. I wish there were more of a pattern as it would be easier to get things done with ease! I actually worked for five hours yesterday and I feel like I can do the same today. There is a big reason for this- I finally got an office that feels comfortable.  It took seven years to find the right place. I always knew that I could better deal with the restless ADD/Depression if I could just find the right place to work. I tried coffee shops, the library, individual cubes in a rental space and even my own section of an artist’s collective. And nothing ever worked very well. This new space just feels right.

I am lucky- it only took seven years! ha ha.  It’s so important that we all have a place to go and people to see throughout the day- we need structure and purpose. A dear friend of mine has been quite ill- she was hoping to stay in the hospital- but she wasn’t ill enough as she was not a danger to herself or others. (Thank heavens.) She’s now in a hospital day program. I simply can’t believe the difference. She has a place to go- she has a plan for the day. It has been life changing. It’s like she has an office to go to! We are going to work together on a plan for when she gets done with the program.  She has a part time job- but has to find productive things to do on the other days as she can’t work full time.  Daily structure makes it easier for her to manage her Bipolar I (one)  illness.

Here are some questions:

- Do you have a purpose when you wake up?
- Do you have a place to go that is fun and rewarding?
- Do you have a set schedule that keeps you stable?

This is essential for bipolar disorder stability. It’s lonely when you’re depressed- now, when you’re in a euphoric manic episode- the above questions don’t even have to be asked as the answer is usually yes to all of them!  I want to go somewhere at the same time every day- with a purpose and a mission.

Julie

I’m in the middle of a very quick, exciting and completely up in the air book project.  The publishing profession is very volatile, hit and miss, unsure, sometimes devastating and when it works, exhilarating and profitable.  It’s hard to deal with bipolar disorder and work!

The problem is that you literally can’t control how things will turn out. But you keep trying.

In the normal process, I turn in my ideas to my agent- she then contacts specific editors she thinks are a good fit for the project. I currently have an idea for a relationship book that’s very exciting.  An editor liked the idea and asked for a table of contents and a sample chapter- four days ago. I have been working on it pretty steadily and I can feel the effects:

1. Too wound up and excited to sleep
2. Alternatively hopeful and fearful- which leads to anxiety
3. Irritated- massively irritated from the stress of having to work so quickly
4. Scared that it won’t happen

I feel lurking, overwhelming anxiety and hysteria in the background. I’m getting the feeling I get when things are getting very overstimulating . My brain is shutting down a bit and I have to put off other projects in order to have enough mental health to keep going with the new book project. I then have to protect myself because I know for sure I will get depressed if it doesn’t go through- even though it’s normal in the business to have this uncertainty.

My goal is to do as much as possible to keep myself in excellent mental health during this process. I will get plenty of sleep and remind myself that even if I get sick, the project can still get done with the same quality as it would when I’m well. And most importantly, I will focus on the fact that I have an original idea that others find interesting.

I’ve spent every day of the past seven years getting well enough to work on projects such as this one! I don’t want to mess up now.

This is one of the reasons I haven’t written as many blogs- or answered the questions I said I would answer. I am consolidating my mental tools.

I love your comments, so keep sending them in!
Julie

PS: I came very, very close but didn’t get the book deal. I handled it well.

Working without the internet… not acutally working for Starbucks!

I’ve found that going to Starbucks where there is no wireless is immensely helpful work wise- especially on the days when I’m depressed and unfocused. It’s amazing how the internet can keep a person from getting work done! I do my email and then send them from home. This helps a lot. It also keeps me from compulsively checking to see if someone has written. Nothing is so important that I have to check my email every few minutes! When I was on Facebook, it was awful. People write constantly and before you know it, you’re over there looking for friends. I won’t have a personal Facebook any time soon- and even if I did- I couldn’t check it at Starbucks!

Julie