It’s so hard to be generous when you feel like hell.
It’s hard to be happy for others when you’re unhappy.
It’s hard not to be jealous when you see someone get what you can’t have.
It’s hard to say, ‘I’m so proud of you! Good job! You deserve it! I’m happy for you!” when you fell like your world is falling apart.
But guess what, you can teach yourself to do it- even when you don’t feel you can do it.
I call it acting as if.
When I’m unbelievably jealous of a friend, I first have to look inside myself and see where the jealousy comes from- it usually comes from depression. In fact, if I’m jealous and depressed and mean and nasty and then the friend starts having problems, I actually feel better! It’s awful and something I fight a lot! It simply is not the real me. I am always happy for people when I’m not depressed.
So, if I treat the depression, I can decrease the jealousy.
I tell a little lie when someone does something amazing and I just want to yell and scream at them that it’s not fair that they get what I can’t have because I have bipolar disorder!
I remind myself of how much I love the person who just got the good news and I say, ‘I’m jealous, but so proud of you.”
Julie
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