I am sure that seems like an odd blog title- but I find the whole thing odd that a person can be extremely depressed and be able to really laugh at something funny, like a silly dog video and then when the laughing is done, the depression is right there.
One of the dangerous realities of suicide is that people who are often very suicidal can actually seem normal. They can go about their lives, laugh a bit and even talk about the future- and inside all they think about is how they want their life to end. It’s very common.
If you are a family member of someone with bipolar disorder this can all be extremely confusing. How is it possible that we can act one way and think another way? How can we go to a birthday party, have fun and then go home and not be able to stop crying?
It’s part of the illness. I know that when I go through serious depression, I look for those moments that remind me that life is going to be ok. That is the reality, not the depression and suicidal thoughts.
So, it is a dichotomy. It is hard to live with, believe me! Today is Easter and many people celebrate the day with family and food- and especially candy if there are kids around. It’s possible to be in this environment and feel better- or it can make a person feel worse that life can go on and other people can find happiness- so why can’t the person with bipolar!
The way out of this is a treatment plan. If you love someone with bipolar, you have to have a plan too!
As you may know, I’m a huge sports fanatic- the finals of the NCAA basketball tournament are tomorrow night. There is a team in the finals called Butler than many are calling a Cinderella story- of course they are not. They have done well for many years- but people want to think things happen overnight and that makes you a Cinderella story! I just heard an interview where the coach said that is was a FIFTEEN year process to get where they are today.
Why do I mention this? Because it can take a long time to learn to manage this illness- how do I tie all of this into depression, suicide and laughter? Because after 15 years of managing this illness daily, I know that depression and especially suicidal thoughts are 100% the illness and my ability to laugh is 100% me. I want to focus on that.
julie
Related posts: Depression and Suicide | What to do when depression knocks on your hotel door… | Is it depression or bipolar depression? A Quiz! |
Julie I didn’t know where this question should go, so I am piggybacking on this post. I originally placed it in the comment section of another thread (“Depressed?… Hide it) on March 30th but after 5-6 days the comment was still waiting to be moderated. Please forgive me, since I know it should not be here either.
My question is this: How do you handle it, What do you say to yourself, what do you DO – when you just get so tired of all the work it takes to manage your disease. In addition to dealing w/ depression, I also deal with compulsive overeating and bulimia. Through working w/ a 12 Step program I have made enormous progress- releasing nearly 160 lbs, but even though I have had almost miraculous benefits and changes… sometimes just the sheer amount of work required is wearisome and a reminder that I never have been and never will be like what I call “normies”. Have you ever gotten just plain tired, how do you deal w/ it?
I’ve just discovered your excellent web site. Your current blog is most apt as I’ve just lost someone who is very close to me and who suffered from bipolar for about 20 years.
This person was very much into Kinesiology and reducing lithium intake in connection with a parasite cleanse. I would very much appreciate any comments good or bad regarding this approach.
Julie, thank you for your blog. I have visited your site as of late, but am grateful I clicked on it today. Holidays always seem to throw me off and yesterday was no different. I made the best of it and tried to enjoy the day, but by the end of the day my mind was not well. I am just grateful I was finally able to get to sleep and that today is better and my mind is calm.
Thank you for writing this blog and giving me hope–I need this connection–it seems to calm things.
Julie, this is not much related to your current post but I commented in one of your older posts a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to thank you replying. I followed the information you gave me and I am currently reading your booking “Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder”. I am really thankful that I ran into your blog and therefore your book. My fiance is out of the hospital. He was hospitalized for 2 weeks. But he is doing much better and I am finally understanding that knowledge is a key ingredient to his mental health and our health as a couple. I will probably continue to be in touch with you
Vicky
I, as well as many others can relate to your post Julie – your honesty is our greatest balm !
I have a question – (I’m new to this site so I don’t know if there’s a designated place to put questions).
I am very interested in your products, but I have the bipolar tendency to take on too much and I feel overwhelmed by all the choices.
1. Could you recommend which book (including the Health Cards) would be a good starting point?
2. Is there a place where questions in general can be posted?
THANK YOU SO MUCH JULIE !
Sincerely, Lilah
Hi Lilah,
The best first step is to go to the menu to the right and click on the topic of interest.
As for a beginning book on bipolar, I recommend Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder. It’s great for family members as well. Also, http://www.bipolarhappens.com has a lot of free information on the treatment and management of bipolar disorder. The Health Cards are a treatment plan – they are complimentary to Take Charge.
It can definitely be overwhelming when you first start to manage the illness. It takes time, but it’s possible. Blogs and books help!
Julie
Julie, thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights regarding suicidal thoughts. I did well with rTMS last Sept, but after remission for six months I am back in the dark hole. All of this sadness, crying spells, worthlessness and of course suicidal thoughts. I keep telling myself that this is all part of the disease, but that just makes the hopelessness worse. This stupid disease has cost me almost everything. I know I shouldn’t say this, but I’d really rather get in a car accident or have a terminal illness than have to cope with these unrelenting ups and downs. I just can ‘t end up in the hospital again.
Again, thanks for sharing–April
Hi April,
It’s an illness. That is what we all have to say over and over again- but, that doesn’t make it easier. It simply means we don’t have to kill ourselves. It’s about suicide prevention. This is when the treatment plan is all important. All suicidal episodes end- they will eventually get better. I have many thoughts of car accidents, getting murdered, walking in front of a bus, getting killed by dogs, etc. etc.
I find it amazing that bipolar can be so unbelievably creative. I once had the thought I wished I would get cancer and die- when they are really crazy like these – I talk to them outloud- THAT IS NOT TRUE! I DO NOT WANT TO DIE. The talking outloud helps.
The entire time this is happening I am working on getting better by using my treatment plan. I just move forward and wait for it to get better. It’s often a medication problem, a relationship or work problem or just the illness itself. But I know IT’S NEVER ME.
I have felt all that you are feeling right now- and we have never met. We have different lives in every way- and yet, we have the exact same thoughts when we get sick – because it’s an awful, stinking illness.
I encourage you to look over the blog and find all the tips you can to get out of this.
There are options to explore- including medication changes, life changes and even ECT.
I believe in you. It’s an illness and it can be treated.
Julie
Thanks, Julie-I appreciate your caring words and support. I really had no idea that there were so many people out there who struggle with the same issues that I do.
I usually don’t write unless I am in the hospital and have to express how I “feel”. I wrote this on my phone on the way home from the city because I couldn’t concentrate well enough to read:
My heart hurts and my feet are in concrete.
I am again under (Plath’s) bell jar and feel the world and all that is in it turning on the planet under my feet. Moving unceasingly around in a giant circle–the cars and exhaust, the people on the sidewalk, the girls who are laughing and texting–they move by me while I remain alone under the glass making small sluggish steps heading nowhere.
I have been here before. This will disturb me for a while and I will cry at everything and nothing: embarrassed and unable to hide tears. Later it will be easier to let this constant, wretched sadness turn to abject apathy and despair. Hopelessness and worthless will devalue my own existence and will twist my thoughts, making me believe that no one will be affected and I will bear no responsibility if I act on this strange necessity of being forever lost.
Now I still bear the heavy hurt. I can see the world around me, but I can’t find the strength or motivation to lift the glass and and allow my feet and my heart to spin around with the rest of the world.
It is hard for me to ask for others to help me. It is embarrassing after all these years to still need someone to listen and provide support. It means so much to know there are others out there. Sometimes I view this illness as if it is a ferris wheel. Now I am near the bottom, but (hopefully) eventually I will return to the top and feel expansive and energized–as if I can see everything for miles. Often I wish I could have the operator of the wheel stop for longer at the top. (Or better yet to allow me to undo the straps and get off the ride.)
Again, thanks much. rTMS worked before and hopefully it will work again.
April
Hi, Lilah and Others new to Julie’s web site!
You will be amazed at the amount of helpful information available at this site! I’ve learned so much to help me manage my bipolar symptoms by searching through the categories at the right. It’s sort of like having my own bipolar reference guide right at my fingertips.
I highly recommend Julie’s book, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder. It’s filled with all sorts of great information. I consider it an essential part of my personal library.
Sandra
Hello everyone, I am trying to cope with my fiance who has bipolar and i’m really struggling. His medication has stopped his manic episodes (I hope – for now) but he is so sleepy/detached/uninterested and I’m finding it really hard to cope. We are getting married soon and I want to make things better but he doesn’t have the same motivation and it’s really difficult for me to keep trying to have enough energy, enthusiasm etc for two people… Please could you point me in the right direction? I wouls really appreciate your help as I feel like I’m sliding into depression too.
Hi Helen,
I certainly know what you are going through. I definitely recommend you read my book Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner. I wrote it from the viewpoint of the partner- I have the illness, obviously- and lived with a wonderful man who has it as well. This book is from my experiences. It will teach you all you need to know about the illness and how it might affect your relationship.
Also, if you go to the menu on the right, there is a relationships section that has many years’ of advice on the topic.
My website http://www.bipolarhappens.com has a relationships section with free information.
You are smart to learn all that you can before you get married- couples can definitely work together to manage the illness- but it does start with educating yourself!
julie
Thank you for replying so quickly. I am reaching the point of not knowing where to go. I will order the book but I’m starting to feel panicky and unable to cope as cope with my feelings.
One of the hardest things is laughing and joking with a friend, and then later I want to die. Thank you for the insight, the suicidal thoughts are 100% the illness, the laughter is 100% me. Any tool I can use to separate the illness from who I am is needed, because it is a mental illness, not a personality flaw. It is the illness, not my life. This was the first thing that struck me when I got your book, and it has saved me many times. Thanks.