My Mind Is Blank
I never thought that I would see the day when I actually would have a blank mind. Sometimes I have to even think about what to think about. I’ve never really had this happen in my life. When you have bipolar disorder, your mind is usually filled with a bunch of garbage. Talking, music, other noises, unwanted thoughts; it’s like one big garbage dump. I know that sounds pretty harsh, but it’s definitely how I’ve experienced many days in the past few years.
Having a clear mind is the goal of bipolar disorder treatment.
Everything that I do, everything that I choose, everything that I say it’s all with the intention of having a clear mind. The interesting thing is that if I do get into situations that I know are triggers, my mind garbage starts back up and all the stuff starts to whirl around in my head again. I’ve gotten so sensitive to triggers that I can tell almost immediately if something is a bad situation for me.
For example, a friend from my past recently called and we kept missing each other on the phone. This is someone whom I of course wanted to see, but knew that it probably wasn’t the best thing to do. Part of my mind said, It’ s okay, you’re doing better, don’t worry about it. But the other part of my mind started to get worried, obsessive, talkative, and just plain uncomfortable. I had to make a choice between the two. I like to think that for the rest of my life I will choose the one that’s reasonable: the one that doesn’t cause bipolar disorder symptoms. I decided not to meet this old friend.
Julie
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