I was just going over some old notes and I found this paragraph:
Bipolar disorder takes away our ability to evaluate ourselves realistically and calmly. Our behaviors and thoughts are seen through a bipolar disorder filter and this filter distorts everything. It’s hard to be kind to yourself, be rational or calm when this filter distorts everything in your life. The solution- recognize that the filter is there- learn how it distorts your thoughts, feelings and actions and then do everything you can to get rid of the filter so that you can make decisions from the real you.
This is so true isn’t it! I always have to remind myself that thinking my life is terrible when it isn’t is a sign that I’m sick. In fact, nothing is really terrible in my life- I may be unhappy or things may not be going well, but overall, my main problem is bipolar disorder. If I can remember that and treat the bipolar disorder first, then I can make rational decision and be a lot happier with my life.
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I am experiencing such stress right now in my attempt to work. When I am there, I always think that someone is mad at me-just tolerating me. It affects my day in such a negative manner. I actually left work 2 hours early due to the stress I was experiencing. I came home and napped for over 3 hours! I was exhausted from fighting the distorted thoughts of my day today. This illness is an ongoing battle with the negative thoughts, feelings of inadaquacy, and the thoughts that go along with it all ! The fight goes on !