I just have a phone conversation with my dear friend Gayathri. She has dealt with serious depression for most of her life. I asked her, “Do you have a hard time with your depression when you’re in a situation where you don’t know whats going on?” She laughed and said, ‘YES! I have learned to live with some of it. But I do get stressed. We can’t make other people tell us what they are feeling. It’s up to them. And we can’t control when something will happen.” She is so right. I’m going through this right now and can feel the depression and anxiety boiling inside of me simply becuase I am in a situation where I have almost no control and have no idea of the outcome.
I have two options:
Option #1 Let it eat me up and affect my work and other relationships. I can let it grow and grow inside me until I have a panic attack or forcefully ask the person what is wrong or what I did. (Been there! Done that! Doesn’t work! )
Option #2 Let people be who they are. If you think about it- no one does anything that has any relationship to you. It’s 100% about their feelings and their reasoning. Unless they know why they are doing something and want to tell you about it - and many don’t, you will not have any answers.
That is living with uncertainty. The feeling is terrible for those without bipolar, it often feels unbearable for us. But we can live with these feelings and let life unfold naturally without forcing the situation due to our bipolar needs. If the time comes where you need to make a decision based off of what you need, think very carefully before you speak. Time is the best option in all cases as it gives you time and the other person time to decide on what needs to happen in the future. I have ruined many a relationship with angry emails and phone calls. Don’t do it.
You can learn to live with the rocky emotions of uncertainty.
Julie
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What a very wise woman you are, Julie. I’m going through some personal trials and tribulations that I must remember aren’t about me at all. Thanks for reminding me to keep this in mind.
well, as the Buddha said, (to paraphrase!!) the only thing we can be certain about is the inevitability of change and that is sometimes the basis of our uncertainty, clinging to something in the hope that it will stay the way it is!!
Whatever good/ awful situation we may be in , it will pass…
Whatever good/ awful things that others or ourselves are doing and saying, these too will pass…!
and of course…wharever our mood or feelings may be these too will pass.( For some of us this may happen more rapidly than for others…;))
Have a good ‘impermanent’ day.
Hey Julie!
This is Melissa – I’ve recently spent 9 days in the psychiatric unit and am at a crossroads in my life apparently. I’ve felt like I’m at a crossroads for a little while now. In the next three weeks I will be seeing my prescriber about returning to work, about getting my driving license back (not likely at this point) and hopefully a determination on my disability will come through within the next few weeks. I am reserved about returning to the stress of my old job and concerned about it. I have been doing a lot of writing since I was in the hospital and am working on a number of book ideas. I am trying to focus on one at a time. My most preoccupying is pretty manic I guess since it is an erotic choose your own adventure. But the scenes are going well. I am living in the middle of the unknown and I am trying desperately not to wear out my friends with my need to socialize on the phone since I can’t get out of my house very much – I live way out in the sticks. I feel lost yet compelled to try to find a direction. I’m trying desperately to take care of myself as I have not done before and treat Bipolar first as you recommend.
Thanks for all your input and assistance and understanding
- Melissa -
I have weather sensitivity that mostly affects me in mostly in the spring and fall when the atmosphere is often in great flux. Although, that can happen at any time of year. I have read some about this, and many of us have some psychiatric symptoms, along with typically “physical” symptoms not associated especially with mental illness. What I know is that days like today, when it is deeply cloudy and the barometer is pretty low, I have very low energy; I am irritable and negative and often start to feel suicidal. I can be perfectly fine the day before, and then I start to see the signs I am going into “that place” where nothing I have been enjoying even seems real. I soon check the weather statistics, and there it is: a front is coming or has stalled in the area. All I can do is “float,” and not even try to “swim” because I am exhausted and not thinking clearly. A few times when it is fairly bad, I have pushed myself to go out, only to find I have narrowly missed being in an accident of one sort or another.
Any body else have strange experiences that might be traced to weather sensitivity if you kept a record? I have been tracking mine for years, and coupled with some things I have found in my research, I know this experience even though many doctors and others just look at me as if I were under a delusion. This really messes up my life when it happens too often and/or lasts too long. San