Hi Julie
I am in a manic state right now and it feels so good after being severely depressed for over two years. At this time I am doing something that is both destructive and dishonest. I am “talking to/dating” four men at the same time (three of them have expressed their love and desire for long term relationships with me). While most of our recent interaction has been over the internet and telephone I have arranged visits with all of them. They are not strangers to me (I have known them all for many years) and I know this behavior and perhaps our friendships have got to stop. The problem is I don’t know how to tell these men that I can’t be involved with them anymore with out hurting them and making myself look absolutely foolish and of poor moral character (so far I have had sex with three of them). Two of the men are aware that I have bipolar illness but I don’t know if they know about the hypersexual behavior that can accompany mania. I know this behavior is wrong I just can’t seem to put an end to it. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.\
Thanks Manic,Hypersexual, and Ashamed
From Julie: First of all, there is no need at all to be ashamed. You’re manic and this is 100% manic behavior. I dated three men at once during a manic episode in Japan when I was 23 years old. It was a blast at the time- I didn’t know I had bipolar disorder. But wow, it was terrible when it ended. All of the relationships ended when I got depressed. That is the first thing I want to stress- manic episodes inevitably go into depression and waking out of the manic fog and seeing what has happened is devastating. Been there and done that for 20 years. I don’t do it anymore. It’s too destructive. I still get manic and have all of the sexual mess that goes with it- but I control it. You can do the same.
You are well enough and clear enough to write the blog- this means you know the mania is about to ruin a lot of things in your life. When you’re super manic, you aren’t asking for help from others who understand. Here is my advice- and it’s strong advice. Think of teh following:
1. If you try to be with three, it can’t survive. You will lose all of them eventualyl if you don’t take care of it now. Three men is not sustainable.
2. When you inevitably come down- not one of them will want to deal with it unless you explain what happened. I have had too many men who met me while manic and lived with me when I got depressed. That was not a fair deal for them!
3. Stop now. Literally stop. Call your doctor and say you’re manic. Get help and check your meds. Period.
4. Think about STD”s. ICKY ICKY ICKY STD’s! So say to yourself, “I’m manic and sex feels so good right now- but I don’t know what I’m doing and what may happen. I make a vow to say no to sex until I am stable.” Sounds impossible, but I’ve done it and let me tel you, it’s difficlut. But I saved my ffuture by doing it.
5. Remind yourself that you’re an attractive and wonderful woman which is why these men are so attracted to you. Why wouldn’t you be able to rationally date these men when you get better. Will they understand if you tell them the truth right now? The one that does is a good one as he will have to live with your bipolar. Might as well tell them the truth now and ask for their help. Let’s stop letting ourselves lure nice people into our manic web! 
6. Everything looks good when you’re manic. Your attraction to the sex and these men can be all mania and not real. So, think of that now. What if you make some kind of decision now that is based off mania and not real attraction. Not good!
And finally, you are amazing. You wrote the blog. You have so much insight and can see what’s going on. GOOD FOR YOU. Many of us let it ride a long time and don’t do anything about it until we come down.
You are an inpiration. Look at the email you wrote and underline all of the stuff that is upsetting you and stop it. The people who care about you will 100% still be there. I always tell my friends I’m manic- then they can help me come down and stay out of trouble.
You are stong! There is no shame in having bipolar disorder. It’s an illness and you can 100% make the right decisions. I believe in you.
**
Ok readers. Any stories of manic episodes you got out of and saved a lot of pain. Advice? I know whatever you have to say will help! There is a comments button at the bottom of this post.
Julie
No related posts.
You KNOW the fallout from this will be devastating if you don’t get controll. First of all, realize that this is NOT the real you and when the smoke clears and you come back down to earth you are going to have a lot of regret. Talk to your doctor, get the right meds and do so ASAP. A manic episode is on par with a heart attack as a medical emergency. Love yourself enough right now to stop this. When you are thinking rationally again, you can choose one of these men to settle with or get honest with them and tell them you just want to date and not be serious, but you aren’t thinking rationally right now if you are manic. Been there, done that. I feel for you. I know how very good it feels, but the fallout is devastating.
It has been about 8 years since my manic episode that resulted in 4 affairs, yes I am married to the same wonderful man that was very hurt but is now trying to process it and accept it is the disease. He had suspicions, but I did not come clean about them until recently. I have learned to classify manic Terri as self-destructive Terri. It may feel good at the time, but in the end I become very self destructive with the drinking, sex, dressing provacatively, and the spending money. There is a lot to clean up and even more so now because of the time that has elapsed. What I am learning is this:
1) As Julie states, treat the bipolar first. Call your doctor. I don’t think you are mentally in the right place to tell these men what is going on. Once you are in a stable place, you have to be honest with them.
2) Don’t blame yourself. Yes, you have to take responsibility for your actions, but also remember they are the actions of someone who is suffering from bipolar. If you were healthy, you would not be doing these things.
3) Don’t make rash decisions based on your mania. Look back at the situation once you are well and see if you want to resume a relationship with any of these men. If you do, be honest up front. I cannot speak on dating as I have been married for 11 years, but as I said, my infidelities almost ruined my marriage. It has been a lot of work but we have found our way back to each other.
4) Find out what you can learn from this manic episode? What are the triggers that caused it? What could have been done to prevent the severity of it? What can be done in the future to prevent them?
It is about being healthy. I believe you have the strength anc courage because you are reaching out for help. For me, sometimes that is the hardest step.
You are a strong, beautiful person. I know you will ge through this and if you need help along the way, we are here.
Terri
The latest manic episode I had was this past summer when I ran out of a particular bipolar medication and my pharmacy was unable to get it for a while for some reason. Oh my gosh, I could not believe the sexual feelings I had! In a way, it was kind of nice to realize I could still feel sexy (no, make that h—y) because on my meds I have absolutely zero desire. But the feelings were (gasp, heaving breasts, gasp again) overwhelming! I wanted to jump onto anything with a p—s! It took about a week for me to realize that my downright lewd thoughts were due to the meds, or should I say lack of that one med! I did not act on those thoughts, fortunately, but there have been other times, long before a correct diagnosis was made and the proper medicine “cocktail” prescribed, when I craved that whole experience – no, not craved, it was like an uncontrollable torrent of desire.
Like Julie said, though, after the mania goes, you’re left with – what? In my case, it was a massive load of GUILT! It’s that Catholic guilt thing and the last thing I wanted to do was CONFESS what I had done! (Eventually I did, though, and the loving absolution was a true gift; my heart lightened and I felt free.)
Advice? Call your doctor immediately and explain what’s going on and INSIST on being seen ASAP to get your meds adjusted. That’s the first thing. Once you’re stable, you’ll be able to concentrate better and decide how to tackle the next problem – the four men.
I am a firm believer that it’s better to be honest. It might help to put yourself in their shoes and consider the relationships from their perspective. That may help you know how to approach it with each one. I would imagine you’ll have to individualize the approaches you take with them.
After all is said and done, and you’re stable and not in any sort of relationship with more than one man, you’ll be able to look back on this for what it really is – bipolar behavior. And if you should happen to start feeling this way again, you’ll know what it is and why, and you’ll know what you need to do to avoid hypersexuality.
Good luck!
Sandra
Hello, when I’m manic I become hypersexual everytime…I’ve gotten myself into messes with many men at one time…usually I just don’t ever contact them again or ignore their calls….what a great way to treat my friends!! I could bet on a sexual nightmare when I was manic in the past…I’m medicated and stable right now, but I can feel when I’m starting to go manic and try to do other hobbies, read, etc…instead of acting out sexually…it’s just too dangerous out there! Good luck on your bipolar journey…Rebecca
I know the feeling its hard to explain to people sometimes.Am twenty four and now realizing that there was major things wrong i didnt see before.I was with one guy for the longest he was older and it was mostly about sex i was 17 to 21 wanted pull myself away he wont leave me be and i was kinda use to him.I started up with another guy after one more this had be when my manic got worse because i started acting werid i would call all times of the day cause i wanted sex.This was first it ever happen.It was dangerous for me because then my depression kicked in at the worst.
I meet a man i fell in love with down the line i was hardly manic just alittle depressed but i was content with him.Only thing it was long distance it was hyper but there was thing i realized that was wrong.I was in ny manic talking,calling running up my bill and insteadd of us building on us more after 4 years he was tired he didnt understand and i realized why i was doing all i was doing.I had the hypersexual feeling kick in on me a few times but i only acted on it once.It wasnt until he told me theres was someone else in his life that wanted do more for him i lashed out.I didnt want to hear that he still had love for me go focus on me.Me and my big mouth did i really need say that i only had sex once what was he doing.The other day he wanted me to come see him and i told him no.we got into it that and he said i hurt him knowing there was someone else making love to his girl while we were togther.But also sometimes i get confused in certain states i try ask myself how much of us was me stable or bipolar.Also was it mustly games on his end hes young a wants be free am trying give him that space.
Its really hard but taking one step at a time and reching out for help and giving back at the same time helps others going through it.I hope this helps hang in there am only twenty four but i can relate.Try a support group n exchange a few numbers if you can or email it helps me.hope it helped some am new at this and not medicated for now.
do you have to be manic to act out in these types of ways? I have a very close friend who I have known for years and we handle her depression very carefully. Then she goes out on these experimental sprees and comes to me for comfort. We have never been able to pin-point what her real problem is; however, this all sounds very familiar and I plan on sharing this post with her asap. I hope she will pay as close attention to it as I did. Thank you for sharing these stories.
Hi,
What a great story. If someone is depressed and then suddenly goes up and does things out of character- it’s can be a sign of mania. The biggest thing is changes in sleep, speech rate, spending and some questionable behaviors!
If you go to the right of the blog and look at the categories list, there is a tab for mania.
Also, my book Take Charge of Bipolar Disroder has a great mania section.
She is so lucky to have you as a friend.
Julie