I sometimes get in moods where it really feels like I need to just get rid of everything I own. It all seems to crowd me. It can be odd stuff- such as not being able to stand having a dresser in my room so I throw all of the clothes on my bed and put the dresser outside.
My family is used to this. They have gotten sneaky. When I say that I have to get all of the bowls out of my kitchen, my mom will help me put them in a bag and then keep them in her basement. Sometimes a year later I will suddenlly miss my bowls and she will tell me where to find them.
If you don’t have bipolar disorder, you’re probably thinking- Julie is super weird!
Well, bipolar is weird! Right now I have the huge desire to get rid of all of my food in the kitchen. I have so many eating issues and I can just feel how the food is taking up too much space. It’s filling my brain. My brain is telling me that things would be a lot easier if I literally got rid of everything in the kitchen and started over.
When I tell these stories, most people have some of there own! When I’m manic it’s especially bad as I have a lot of energy behind the desire.
I try to be reasonable when I get like this. If it’s something that’s really bothering me such as having too many socks in my closet- I can leave that alone- but if I feel there are too many books on the shelves, I let myself put all of them in a bag and store them somewhere. I feel a lot better. I’ve learned not to put them in my car and take them to Goodwill like I have done in the past.
I have learned to compromise. I wonder if you have ever gone through this!
My sister in law would laugh a lot if she read this as she is the one who often keeps the stuff for me!
Julie
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Oh WOW! I am just amazed! I thought I was the only one who did this! Again, I can’t count the times I have rearranged furniture at 2 in the morning. I do this more during the day, but the night thing has a certain ‘pull’ to it. I have had more garage sales over the years than I like to remember; all because I had to just get ‘rid’ of all this stuff that I suddenly didn’t like or need anymore. I can’t stand clutter! I don’t do the garage sale thing as much but I have a car trunk FULL of all those things that I just can’t stand looking at anymore and don’t need! They have been in my trunk for over a year! I will do the cleaning out the pantry thing, too. Seems I can’t just clean a little. Impulsive, compulsive, BP, whatever. This is a real thing we deal with. I just gave away a ton of clothes that I just couldn’t stand to look at anymore. Now, sometimes this is a good thing; the right thing to do, but most times it’s the wrong thing. I decided awhile back that I didn’t need all those glasses in my cabinet, so I gave away half of them. Now, when I have company over, I look in the cabinet to find I don’t have enough! The book thing is the same. I wish I had all the money I have spent in my life on just books! One time, I bought over 100 books because I liked the color of the binding and thought how good they would look on my shelves only to tire of them quickly and call Good will to come to my house to get them out of here! And on,and on,and on I could go. Julie, you aren’t by yourself. I am relieved to know that I am not the only one. Several years ago, I went out and bought a new car and then a few months later wanted to sell it. I tried with no luck and I still have my car, but I have a daily reminder of how ridiculous this BP thing gets. I would have to say that LONELY is the one word that describes BP for me. I feel like I am the only person in the world who does ‘weird’ stuff, who thinks ‘weird’ stuff and that never goes away. STIGMA is a really bad word………