oh yes, another long post from julie!
Plans Can Change: We Can Deal with It.
I am very proud of myself…
It’s good to write that sentence! Going out on the weekends if very important to me. I plan carefully and always have something to do with friends. I really enjoy going out with my brother Ed. As many of you know, my brother is a great guy who causes me a lot of stress. I think I’ve dealt with it very well over the past year. Last night, there was a problem with his ID so he was not able to come into the bar where I was waiting. We were going to watch the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) on pay per view- so I got there early to get us seats. I always do that to save myself the stress of worrying where we will sit!
I walked outside and he said that he couldn’t get in- I said, “Did you ask the bouncer?” He sarcastically said, “Of course I did!” So I turned around and went back inside to get my purse so that we could go to karaoke. My whole point of the evening was to be with him, so missing the UFC was not a big deal to me.
When I got back outside. He was gone. I looked for him up and down the street. I couldn’t imagine where he had gone. It was odd! Then I called him on his phone and he said, “I could tell you were disgusted with me by the expression on your face, so I left.”
Holy you know what! I have never had someone do that. Ever. Even with a person you’re dating they will at least say- “I’m leaving!” He just left. Of course I know this has nothing to do with me. I am not someone to get angry and walk off and stay in a club and leave my brother outside. I really was just going to get my purse.
Then I felt the wave of depression drop over me. I thought, “He has done it again. Why do I let him upset me? Why does he always do this? What am I going to do now?” And the bipolar started talking to me. You probably know what it says! And I started to cry a bit. That was a really rotten thing he did!
I had options- to go watch a basketball game with a friend- to go to karaoke, etc. But it all felt so depressing as I had the evening planned.
People with bipolar need a LOT of structure. I have worked for many years on how to handle each situation- even when my plans turn upside down. So, I said to myself, “Julie, this is no big deal. Go back inside and stay there and let Ed be who he is. You are fine.” And that is what I did and I had a wonderful time! Just wonderful! I met people and actually got over some of my social awkwardness!
This would not have been possible in the past. I have learned to fight off the bipolar monster and it has changed my life for the better.
Believe it or not, for the first time that I can EVER remember, my brother came up to me today and said, “I would like to apologize for leaving last night. I think I was just projecting my mood on you. I know you would not walk back into the club and just leave me.”
Wow! All of us can change! And when the depression started today- I just kept going and I feel fine again.
We can do it. No matter where you are starting from- if you make a plan now to get better, you can.
Julie
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Good for you Julie! Way to turn that around!
Derailed plans is one of my big triggers. Glad to hear of your success.
First of all…THANK YOU SO MUCH, JULIE! What a cool thing that you did when I checked my email today you sent me a link so I can download “bipolar happens” and “health cards” even if I lost it again! You have such a kind heart and I know that you know that this is what we do who has bipolar disorder: We can’t find our things! I suspect that I’m not the only one with bipolar who just can’t seem to find anything I want to use. The daily struggle to find my car keys, cell phone and my TV remote! The clutterness. It is VERY frustrating that whenever I need to use something and I know that I have it “somewhere” in my room….I just can’t find it! But you give me such great hope Julie! I’m really going to start using the “health cards” system to help me deal with all of these bipolar symptoms this time. Lately the main thing I experienced is anxiety and depression.
Thank you so much for your kindness and generosity!
I want to write to Oprah and Dr Phil and Larry King and urge them to do more shows shows on raising awareness on Bipolar Disorder. Saw Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carey went on Larry King Live and talking about Autism. Why not Bipolar? I think Bipolar is the most misundertood illness, period! We need to reach out to our community and educate people to understand that we are not “crazy” and to help those who has this disorder to accept themselves too!
Thanks so much again, Julie!
I don’t even have bipolar and agree with Shannon whole heartedly. Not only about your awesomeness Julie, but about raising public awareness. Shouldn’t the public hear not only about the tragic consequences of a bipolar episode, but how to help those that do have bipolar, etc… How can we help to bring this to the forefront? Do you have any ideas?? I would love to help!
Hi Julie…
Thank you so much for this post (well, for ALL of them and this blog, too)… I really needed to read this today. You encourage and inspire me so much.
I know next time this happens to me (although I generally stay inside my little shell and not go anywhere, to avoid these situations entirely)… I will probably forget that you wrote this.. and that I can do this too (what you did with your brother and how you chose to react to what he did to you).
But maybe… maybe.. somewhere in there something will click for me, and at some point I’ll find the courage to start going out again, and facing situations like this, and even possibly be able to talk myself into choosing to react the way you did. Reading it from you helps me believe that I can. Thank you, again.
I live in PDX… you are just a year or so older than I… I see so much of myself in you (not knowing that I was bi-polar until I was nearly 40.. and finding out made everything in my life up until then finally make some sense) I know it’s a long shot, as you are incredibly busy.. but I’d love the opportunity to meet you sometime, because, as I said above, you have inspired and encouraged me more than anyone, ever.
Shannon: regarding your above comment…. WOW how I feel like that… every, every, every day. I hate it… so incredibly frustrating and stressful. I don’t have the health cards yet, as I have no income, so have not been able to afford them, but I’d like to get them and hopefully they will help with all of the chaos. Things WILL get better for both of us….
julie,
I have a question.
What do you do when you tell a friend your opinion about her abusive actions and she turns the conversation to your own illness?
I know that I have been stable the last months and have been taking my meds regularly, visiting doctors regularly and keeping up with my journals. Even though I know this, it still hurt me deeply that she turned around and said that I am the one that is ill and that she has no problems. I was just trying to help and have a healthy relationship with her. My question is, why does it still hurt when you are told these things?
Why do people use someone elses illness to discount what that person says, ie, opinions?
what do you recommend?
I removed this person from my life because I feel that she was hurting me more than helping but I want suggestions for the future. How do I screen people who will respect me and my illness and not use it to try and control me? Thank you
I am so envious of your ability to plan an outing and follow through. If I plan an outing I have every intention of going until I get close to the time. The day comes and then my mind starts finding ways to get out of it. My head starts hurting, I feel like crying all day, I feel sad and then panic. Finally I call it off. If I do not call it off I have a terrible time because my head hurts and I just want to go home. I really never leave my home . I feel trapped. It has been like this for about thee years now. I have lost all of my friends. Does anyone have any really good ideas thast might work for me?