Hello to everyone, I have a post here that I think everyone will find amazing, hopeful, fascinating and encouraging. It’s a reader story from Sandra, a regular commentator on this blog. I answered her story after her post. This is a long post, so plan to read a story from a strong woman – I think it will make your day! (Everyone on this blog is strong.)
Dear Julie,
As I write this, I am shaking and quite upset. But I just have to get what is inside of me out, so I hope this will help.
I am taking two summer grad school courses. I love the new information and opportunities to use the knowledge in class in the fall. But in the past two weeks, I have slowly but surely been worn down. I won’t go into details, but please know I have tried to do the best I could. With a big partner project looming and finishing the details necessary to get my son off to Paris, where he will spend a year (oh – he also sprained his ankle badly on Sunday), I finally emailed my professor and admitted that I needed help, and asked for an extension on our project. I have tried so much to not have to share about having bipolar disorder to any of my professors, even though you’d think they’d understand – I am in a program to get my master’s in special ed. I won’t go into why I felt it necessary to share that information but please suffice it to say it was.
I received a note back from my professor, and I am grateful for the extension, particularly as it will be beneficial to my partner (we only have to polish our web site project, not make huge changes – it was submitted by the due date under considerable stress on my part).
What is so upsetting to me is what she wrote about bipolar disorder. She wrote, “I do understand what it’s like to have bipolar disorder as I’ve worked with people who have it.” No one knows what it’s like to have bipolar disorder unless they have it, too! She also wrote that I can’t depend on my meds or other people, that I also need help from a counselor. I really did not need to have that written – I am a single mom and have asked a colleague of mine to let me know if she notices any symptoms that I may not. We keep tabs on each other – she’s intense and I can help her recognize when to back off. I feel that is a backup to what other strategies I have to remain stable.
She chastised me and told me I need to stay on my medication, which I do. I have an automatic refill deal with my bipolar meds, but this past time it needed my doctor’s approval for one of the scripts. The pharmacy had sent her a fax about it, she immediately returned a reply, the pharmacy said at first they didn’t have my meds in stock, then the next day said she hadn’t replied to their fax. I finally went to her office to get it straightened out. Of course, my professor doesn’t know this.
My professor also said I need to be proactive, not reactive, and that my email indicated that I was being very reactive. No kidding! I’m sorry – just how does one plan ahead for dealing with an emergency room visit for x-rays when your class partner was going to come over to work on the project? How am I supposed to plan for a follow-up visit to the orthopedic surgeon to make sure his ankle is okay prior to leaving the country? What am I supposed to do when my 18 year old tells me he just wants to be with me before he leaves and asks if we can play Scrabble together? I hadn’t expected any of this! And I got hit with stuff like this one after another for the two weeks leading up to the project’s due date.
She also reminded me that, when working with children, I need to be especially careful about remaining on my meds. I don’t need that reminder. This is one of the reasons I’ve been so worried about going to the Disability Resource office on campus, as I feel that my professors will look at me as though I am unable to do the work. However, I plan to do that next week, after my classes are over. I really want to learn the information, but need help at times.
My confidence has taken a direct hit. I have been very stable for a year, after finding a new psychiatrist and a new psychologist. I have always sought to learn as much as possible about bipolar disorder. I began my master’s program with one course, did very well in it, and felt I could handle the typical two-class schedule. And now, in one email, I feel that all of this work that I have tried to do to the very best of my ability has been pulled out from under me. In the past, I’ve never asked for help when I needed it. And that was not good for me – it just resulted in depression, even suicide attempts. I’d been told it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. And I did. Look where it’s gotten me.
It is very, very depressing. But I have got to shake this off, as I have a tutoring client this afternoon who needs me. I can always cheer up when I”m with my students, but I can’t imagine they don’t notice the puffy eyes from crying so much. Between last night and this morning, they’re looking pretty messed up right now.
I’ll call my psychologist and make an appointment asap.
I don’t feel any better now than when I began this note. If this email does any good at all for any reader, perhaps it is this: as diligent and proactive as we may be about keeping our bipolar contained, and as stable as we may feel, we must never assume that our bipolar disorder is under control. We have to remain vigilant each day.
Sandra
My answer:
Hi Sandra,
Wow, for a teacher, this woman is WRONG! She has no idea how this would affect you and has NO idea how much you have struggled and how amazing it is that you are where you are. But, there is one really good thing that you can focus on- she didn’t judge you for having bipolar. I am sure she was trying to help, but it was ignorant. My best advice is to see it for what it is- someone who thought she was doing the right thing, but simply wasn’t. I’m so sorry to say this but I can’t help it- she’s a bit of a moron. Oops! I said it!!!!! But I also think it’s important for you to look at your teacher with empathy. Look at all she goes through with her students. She was not trying to hurt you. Compassion for her situation can go a long way with your getting your stability back.
I have known your story for quite a while and you have come so far. Another person’s thoughts and behaviors can be extremely upsetting, but if you think about it- they actually have zero to do with you! They still hurt. This is why I love the book The Four Agreements. It would be a good one for you to read right now.
Keep on going like you are. Getting an extension is a great solution.
You are 100% qualified to get a masters in special ed! If not you, who is any better? You manage the illness well. You take your meds and get help. Wow, I can’t think of anyone else I would want to help my kids who are having trouble.
People always hurt us without meaning to. She may have had other situations where the person did need this advice and it helped. The problem here is that you didn’t need the advice and she gave it anyway. For example, I can’t stand it when people tell me I just need to ACCEPT BIPOLAR. Really? I can do what I want! I would rather call it facing the reality of my bipolar. You are doing that by asking for an extension. You didn’t drop out! You didn’t try to kill yourself! You didn’t send her a dumb email! You were there for your son. My goodness, he is going to be gone overseas for a year. That is exciting, but very stressful for you. And then he had to go and sprain his ankle. I hope you both can laugh about his timing.
Can anyone reading this think of what Sandra could have done better? Not me. I think you did the best!
I am proud of you. Very proud of you. You are learning resilience. This is the path to getting on with life despite the reality that you are stuck with this illness. I am stuck with it as well- but I work every day to get things done- and you do to. Now is a good time to take out the Get it Done When You’re Depressed book and focus on yourself and not the well intentioned, but dodo bird of a teacher! And then when you get back to doing the class, you get an A and move on.
I believe in you and your students are going to get an amazing special ed teacher.
YOU GO GIRL! Print this out and carry it with you. When the doubtful, shamed and sad feelings come back, just read it and remember who you really are. A strong woman who happens to have bipolar disorder who is going after her goals and dreams.
Julie
Hello thousands of readers of this blog- let’s give Sandra lots of comments on how she can get through this. We are so powerful when we work together.( I am working through all of your questions – this is the first!)
Related posts: Wow! Thank You Sandra! | bipolar disorder and work/school: reader comment | Bipolar Disorder and Work Reader Comments |
Sandra, I have a hard time receiving criticism too, however I realize more and more that some people are just not worth wasting effort on trying to educate. It seems like she’s accepting that you need an extension, and that’s all she can really give. You didn’t ask for her approval – just an extension!
I’ve got a quote on my monitor here “I can survive without your approval.” I bet she’d be amused if you had to dish that to her, but it’s more of something personal to remember. Take care! – Joe
Thank you, Joe. I like the note on your monitor! And you’re right – I wasn’t asking for a diatribe on bipolar disorder, just an extension. Thanks for helping me put this into perspective.
Sandra
Sandra, Julie is right! You’ve done all you could do.
Your e-mail gives me strength, Sandra. I’m bipolar I, and I’m actually in the process of applying to a masters program, taking one class at a time. I’ve been worried about the effect that might have on me (since I already work full-time, am married, and have two kids). But you’ve shown me that it IS possible to do this. As you said, we just have to be diligent about the illness.
Thank you so much for posting your story. And thanks to Julie for the great response!
Hi, Jeanne,
Perhaps I can take one class per semester, too. That would be a lot less stressful for me. Thanks for the idea!
Sandra
Sandra,
Hang in there. Your instructor sounds like someone with “classroom” experience, but little real life experience.
I am reminded of a line from one of Julie’s books, which paraphrased says, I am strong, I get up EVERY day and deal with BiPolar. You are strong, you are moving ahead, getting your Master’s. Don’t let an uninformed person have such a big part of your mood.
I have decided not to share my diagnosis, except when I think it is critical to my health care or something related to it. For me, I don’t want the stigma.
You make a very telling comment, when you talk about your work as a tutor. A lot of what I’m reading these days talks about finding your purpose in life through service to others. Sounds like you are already on that path. Also one of my self help groups emphasizes the beneficial effects to you of service to others. There is no better way for me out of depression and self involvement than helping someone else.
You are doing GREAT work, keep it up. Don’t let the ill informed get you down.
Hi Dino,
Thanks for your comment. I need to put that on my computer as well. I tell myself all of the time that the approval of others is their choice. It’s good to get a reminder. Julie
Hi Julie – I’m not Dino
Thanks for the FAST reply though 
- Joe E.
Hi,
I agree that it’s a choice to talk about bipolar- as you can imagine- I don’t have a choice at all when people hear what I do! But I’ve luckily never experienced any kind of stigma- I think it is because I wrote the books. If I do- they will get a talking to.
Julie
Thanks Julie,
I am seriously thinking of breaking that rule, as I would like to participate in DBSA, but find no nearby chapters and am thinking of starting one. That of course means I will be identifying myself as BiPolar. I am working my way through health cards, its been a real struggle for me.
BTW, I am in week three of generic Lamictal, prescribed by a nurse practitioner, who I have found MUCH more sensitive to my needs than the psychologists in the clinic where I am a patient (VA). She has stressed a very gradual increase of the dosage, increasing every two weeks, beginning at 25 MG the first two weeks AND starting from the beginning if I miss doses. This she says is to avoid side effects.
Cheers from sunny California.
SO many people know about bipolar now. It is nothing like it was a few years ago- but the workplace can still be very behind. That is where I would judge the territory- all other places I have found very open.
I think that starting a DBSA chapter is a great one. Please let me know if you need help- have another others out there started chapters?
Julie
Hi Sandra,
Having dealt with being Bipolar for over 10 years, I have one very important tip for you… ALWAYS keep a few of your medications in a vial or in your hand band for those times when the pharmacy will run out or your doctor will b=not have faxed the script in, or your plane is delayed and you are stuck in an airport overnight. That way you never have to miss a day.
I too agree that you don’t need approval. I had moved form the east coast five years ago from the east coast and did not tell anyone that I was Bipolar, when I first arrived, I felt that it was not the business of anyone here.
As I was living here, and I had integrated myself and became established in the Community, I realized that I was doing a disservice to those who suffer from this disorder.
I realized that as long as I saw my doctor regular and took my medication and had my husband always looking out for any signs of problems, that I should be proud of all that I have accomplished despite of this disorder.
I think that you should too, and the problems that you encountered with your teacher, are really hers,not yours.
You were reacting to the normal feelings of being a mother!
My best friend whose son was also leaving for Europe this simmer went through a great deal of stress right before he left as he had to have his wisdom teeth removed right before he left, and she is not Bipolar, this comes with being a responsible parent,(and he was only going to be gone for six weeks), and there was so much to be done.
All the more power to you for going for your Master’s Degree.
Good Luck!
Nina
Oh, Nina, this is too funny – my son had his wisdom teeth removed right before he left, too! (We had it done in time to take care of any dry sockets if they developed – thankfully, none did!) Such a coincidence!
I so appreciate the tip – I shall do that today and keep a week’s worth of an emergency supply on hand – just in case.
Thank you for the tip and for bringing a smile to my face!
Great Job, Sandra! I, too, am finishing a Masters program although it is self paced so I can handle all my many hats! I will be a Spiritual Counslor when I finish my thesis. My only advice is to practice sharing your Bipolar situation with trusted others so that when someone not so diplomatic or informed says things that hurt you, you have a cache of good comments to draw from. When you don’t have your mental cup filled with enough positive the negative gets more concentrated. It is good to hear that people like you will be helping youngsters with similar problems and coming from a place of “knowing”.
Thank you, Cathy. It’s so good to hear that you, too, are completing your master’s program. I like the self-paced idea as deadlines can be quite stressful. I typically get everything in on time but this one project just has so many pieces to it. However, in hind sight, one class per semester really did work better for me.
As someone who lived with BiPolar on the “outside” all her life (I grew up with a Bipolar Mom) I can appreciate that this teacher’s response could be seen as criticism, and you’re entitled to feel angry and hurt.
But on the positive side, while she could have been more diplomatic, at least she cared enough to say something. A lot of people living with Bipolar who get to grad school aren’t as aware as you are, and it’s good that your professor cares enough to make sure that you DO have the support you need to reach your dreams. Some professors have dealt with students who aren’t as proactive as you, and so they tend to just write a student off when they hear the word “Bipolar”.
Not everyone who lives with Bipolar chooses to actually deal with it head-on like you do. My mom, for instance, refuses to do anything about her Bipolar other than take meds sporadically (no weight gain or bad side effects, just denial) and refuses any kind of cognitive or behavior work. So getting through grad school was really harder for her than it had to be. I still hold onto hope that she will eventually face things, but have come to accept that it’s just up to her.
I totally agree with you Susan. People can say really dumb things from good intentions. Those of us with bipolar just have such strong reactions to these things- even when we don’t want to! This is when our hard work and treatment plan kick into action. It took me many, many years to handle situations like this- especially when they come out of the blue- and it’s still hard. But we can all work on it.
It’s hard to live with a family member who won’t get help- I am so glad you are getting as much information and understanding of the illness as you can. Your comments mean a lot as it’s imporant to hear from those who live around bipolar. Julie
Julie, I’ve read through a lot of your posts and remember reading your thoughts on people who are negative and toxic in your life and trigger major episodes of depression and anxiety. I seem to recall you saying that at some point, these people have to either be cut off or have strong boundaries set so that you can stay healthy.
For some, that could mean people you’ve known your entire life who you are “supposed to” (by all societal standards) remain in touch with, such as your family (of origin). Where is that line for you? What about other people?
I grew up in the midwest, where “family values” and cohesiveness seem to trump everything else, including sanity and any modicum of functionality. I recently decided that enough was enough, and realized that a lot of my anxiety and instability occurred immediately after interactions with my family of origin.
If this is a topic that people want to talk about, I would be willing to share my story with other readers, if you’re interested.
Hi Kristen,
I can definitely relate to your comment.
I also grew up in a “family-is- everything” family. I’m 40 (and my BPD diagnosis didn’t happen until I was 39, so I’m just learning about how this illness has affected my life) and it took me till now to FINALLY cut out some family members who are just too negative.
For me, part of the BPD has been a martyr complex. I’ve always lacked the confidence to demand that people treat me with respect, so I’ve always been good ole jen. Now, all I know for sure is this: I don’t want to feel bad all the time. I can’t always control the internal, physical and psychological factors that contribute to my BiPolar Depression, but I CAN, to some degree, control the external factors. I can keep a distance from the people that hurt me with their judgements or lack of concern, lack of keeping in touch.
I recently “unfriended” about 5 family members on Facebook, which resulted in their emailing my mother to ask why. My mother was very supportive of my decision and just didn’t respond. I realize they probably think I’m crazy. But, hey, I guess I am and that’s OK
JJ
Thank you for helping me see another perspective – that my professor cared enough to say something. That helps!
Sandra, I know that in my situation, I have been easily affected by others’ comments about bipolar. I have worked hard to restore my confidence, only to be shot down by someone else’s opinion. What I finally realized is that I have no control over what others do or think, but I have total control of how I think and act, and react, and I am not going to let anyone else be in charge of how I feel. Someone else might be a moron (like Julie said!) but I don’t have to stoop to their level, and (okay, this might be bad, but it’s true for me!) even I, having bipolar, can manage to still have more empathy, understanding, and intelligence than someone who does not have such debilitating “issue” to deal with. Don’t let her control your feelings!!
Thank you, Kris. I shall remember your strong words regarding not letting others take control over how I feel. Perhaps her comments came at an especially vulnerable time for me – I’d just seen my son fly off to Paris, and so many other thing that I can handle if they come at me one and a time. Of course, in this case, it wasn’t one at a time! But your comments help me put things in perspective, and remember that I don’t have to react to her note. Thank you!
I think what Julie said about trying to see the tiny bit of positive from this experience is important too. Someone I talked to said I should have my body tested for ‘candida’ since all the symptoms I have sound like that instead of bipolar…. I was too stunned to reply, but in her own way she was trying to say something to help, even as wrong as she was. People just cannot help themselves! I have ‘outed’ myself as bipolar from the beginning. It explains so much for me, and I can educate as I have been educated (by reading Julie’s books and such). What that teacher said will hang over you like a cloud for little while, just because (even regular folks have a hard time with this kind of stuff), but it will work itself out of your head and you will get back to where you want to be. Hold on to your goals, getting that degree is a fantastic thing to do for yourself, and once you have it, nothing, not even bipolar, can take it away! I may not be using mine, but it is mine to use when I am ready again!
Thank you, Lyn. It is so gratifying to hear from so many people who have completed their master’s program! Your comments are so true – my professor’s comments are hanging over my head like a little cloud, but the cloud is breaking up a bit. It’s nice to hear that my feelings are even typical of those without bipolar, too.
Keep up all that you’re doing Sandra. I’ve been through it too, especially the nonsense that others supply in the guise of their good intentions. Even professionals! But Julie’s comments are spot-on. Remember, this instructor does not truly control your life, and you’ve gotten the extension you needed. I feel this sort of reaction, however well-intentioned, is akin to the stigma that still prevails about bipolar. As long as that stigma remains, we all have to try to plod through it the best we are able, and just try not to let it drag us down. I know haow you feel, but you WILL get past this incident. All the best!
Thanks, Paul! I agree with you about the unwelcome stigma that still exists, even among people who should know better. I didn’t mention this in my note, but I did end up writing back to her and addressing each of her points so she would realize how off-base her comments were. I hope she comes to that conclusion, too – we’re never too old (or degree’d – to stop learning!
Hi Sandra: First, words of encouragement – it’s a minor bump in your wonderful and joyful career decision. Only a bump, no more than that. Life happens. Your son’s accident and journey were stressful enough. Let alone summer college classes which are condensed and demanding. Having been a college lecturer, I can emphathize with your situation. It’s an unfortunate reality that unless a professor or lecturer is blantaly doing something illegal, the ‘teacher’ is still king/queen regarding grading, extensions, etc. in his/her classroom. The teacher’s comments back to you, while well meaning in her mind, were incredibly disrespectful to both you as a student and to her contract as an educator. For that I am sorry. While teaching in the university, I had students who did go through Diability Services for assistance regarding their bippolar status. I had one incredibly wonderful student who later was my student assistant. She came to me early in the class year, during office hours, and let me know about what was going on with her. I listened, emphathized having lived with bipolar family members all my life and we worked out a plan for her success in the class. She is now a very successful marketing professional who drops me a line every now and again. It’s unfortunate that one has to go through Disability Services at the university level, however this step does make professors take notice and be a bit more ‘humane and reasonable’. Yes, I personally hate the label, the discussion, the tagging via Disability Services. In the long run, it is to your advantage to at least check out the services available to you. You are paying for them with your tuition. The university I worked with took it very seriously. Keep up your studies. We NEED people with your dedication working with young folks so they can succeed just like you are. We NEED you as a role model. Be kind to you. Lastly, if this teacher is not tenured and you will not be taking other classes from this preson, when you are ready, let the teacher know that her ‘well meaning’ email was very concerning to you for her lack of empathy and current knowledge regarding Bipolar. Send a cc of this email to the Dean of the department (or talk with the Dean in person). Regardless if you send such an email or not, as you are going to be in this department for a while, it’s good to get to know the Dean and let him/her know of your passion for the profession. Make an appointment in the Fall. Just a ‘get to know each other’ kind of thing. Few students make the effort. Those who do, make a difference both in terms of their own studies and their connections later on for networking and work purposes.
Roberta, I cannot thank you enough for your valuable note “from an insider’s view”. I actually really like and admire this professor – she has a TON of “real-life” experiences, not just academic work, and I’ve learned so much from her. I guess that is part of the reason I was so hurt by her response; I just didn’t expect it of her.
I also appreciate your empathy regarding the label, discussion, interview with the director of Disability Services, etc. That helps.
I shall try to say hello to the Dean, too. Maybe bring he or she and the administrative assistant some cookies while I’m at it!
Again, Roberta, thank so much for your input!
Dear Sandra,
Congratulations on getting your master’s degree. You must be really proud of
yourself. I’m a substitute teacher with a bachelor’s degree in law and I’ve
been enrolled in classes to get certified as a teacher. My husband was diagnosed with bipolar 2 years ago and it has been very difficult to deal
with the “stigma” of bipolar. He was a federal law enforcement agent for 11
years, but since his diagnosed and the “fit for duty” examination,he was termitated for “FAILURE TO FOLLOW A GUIDELINE OR DIRECTIVE”. We hired a lawyer
and were about to win this case based on discrimination from the agency, when my
husband decided not to fight anymore, giving up his rigths to reinstement and back pay because he doesn’t want that stressful position anymore. Althought I am very determined to complete my goals; my husband’s illness has taken a toll on me and it’s been really hard for me to finish my classes. I really admire your strenght and determination. Keep fighting the good fight, take care of yourself and keep taking your medication. We need to informed ourselves more about this illness, because ignorance can be a powerful tool of destruction in our society. I want my children to grow up in a safe, respectful environment. GOD BLESS YOU!
Arlette, it must have been so hard, as a law student, to have witnessed what your husband went through during the proceedings, and then to have watched as your husband succumbed to the stress of it all. Perhaps his decision to find another profession is a good one, given his diagnosis, but it’s hard that it had to be made this way.
I’m pleased to learn that you’re working toward your master’s and getting your teaching license. Hang in there!
Loving and living with someone with bipolar disorder can be so hard, especially as your husband’s diagnosis was made only two years ago. I say, “only” because it can take so long for those of us with bipolar disorder to realize we really do have this disorder and to figure out the best way for us to manage it successfully. It took me years to realize that I really did have this – I actually asked my two best friends if they thought I had it (they had learned all the symptoms) and both of them, in very loud voices, said, “YES!” and proceeded to give me examples. It’s still hard for me to recognize hypomanic symptoms, but I shall continue to work on that.
Another part of having bipolar, as you and your husband probably have learned, is that it can take a while to find just the right mix of medications to control the symptoms, if medication is effective for him. I hope it is. But he will also benefit from learning as much as he can about bipolar disorder, and this is such a great place to start as there is so much information! I also highly recommend Julie’s book, “Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder” – I’d borrowed it from the library and learned so much, I just had to add it to my home library. It remains the first book I turn to when I have a question. I’ve read and reread it many times. Another one I like is David J. Miklowitz, PhD’s “the Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide.” And a book that may help you, Arlette, is Julie’s “loving someone with bipolar disorder; understanding and helping your partner”. I got that one for my “significant other”.
Keep doing things that make you happy – you need to keep your “cup from running over” as then there will be nothing left to give. You don’t want that to happen!
Take care,
Sandra
Great job handling this, Sandra! People can be so clueless sometimes. I don’t know why people feel that showing a little compassion entitles you to their opinion. I’m sure she “meant well.” (Haven’t you heard that a thousand times!) A good non-offensive comeback that might work….”Well, thanks for allowing me the time I need, but I can handle the rest of it on my own.” My youngest daughter is bipolar, and many teachers and neighbors have sought to give me advice. So I use that phrase, as well as (smile) “Yes, you wouldn’t believe all the good advice I get!” It’s hard to have a sense of humor when you’re stressed to the max though. Believe me, I haven’t always handled it so well. I applaud you for saying “yes, son, I’ll make time for you.” Our teenagers have a way of moving out and not coming back, so you were so wise to do that. My hat is off to you for juggling bipolar, motherhood, and school! You’re one amazing lady!
HI!
Thank you SO much for writing, “I applaud you for saying “yes, son, I’ll make time for you.” – that means a world to me!
I shall also take a note about your comebacks! I never seem to know what to say until well after the fact!
Sandra
Hi Sandra
I am first a professor for M.Ed. students and myself I have Bipolar Type 2 and I want you to know I am so happy when I have a graduate student who privately talks to me about this medical situations, etc. Again, I don’t tell my graduate students about my disease but I really understand. Again, so many people have mental health conditions in their families today–most people understand about this. Remember everyone is a person and email is not very personalized so take the time to talk to your professor in person. If you are taking an online course, email your professor and ask them to call you and share your phone numbers with them due to privacy laws, etc.
Again, a professor or any type of teacher is here to help any student in life. Everyone goes throughs ups and downs in life.
I just saved two of my graduate students yesterday for mental breakdowns by caring about them without them telling me their medical condition.
Thanks and good luck
A friend
It is so good to hear that someone in the profession also has bipolar disorder, and that his/her students must feel quite safe discussing their needs with you in private. I think when we have this ourselves, it becomes easier to see symptoms of depression or breaking points in others. How fortunate your students are to have you there for them!
I will make a point to talk with my professor in person. I truly do admire her and have enjoyed her class this semester! I would also like to take classes from her in the future. Thank you for making that point.
Being mentally ill can be painful and taxing not just phycologicaly but physicaly as well. Unless the teacher “is” they rarely understand. It is always thought that if one would exerscise more, eat a healthier diet, try hard enough or want it bad enough we would be just fine. That can not be anymore in error.
You want it more than anyone in that class or that instructor ever has. Your putting out effort beyond their comprehension and I think that scares them if they even begin to realize it.
Stay strong, beleive in yourself and do what you know is best. Other peoples social apathy and fear must not get the best of you or anyone else who is faced with these issues.
Your not acting like you care; you actually do.
I have been having some of these problems also. Can you tell?
Oh, Alan, I do care very much – otherwise, it wouldn’t bother me as much as it has!
I hope you’re finding some relief.
I have had bipolar for 46 years, yes 46, been diagnosed for 17.
When I wanted to see a psychiatrist 21 years ago, my own kind & loving mother said: ‘Only crazy people see psychiatrists!’
‘
During all these years, it is very difficult to have any normal lay person to be positive in helping me cope. We really have to remember a lot of people are still scared of bipolar or any other mental health issue. Mu long tiime partner can easily help with my diabetes, but when it comes to bipolar for the first 5 years he pretended it did not exist!
The fact that the professor, at least tried to help (although misguidedly) can be considered to be actually encouraging. She was not afraid of the illness and tried to be helpful.
I think a well reasoned email to the professor (after you get your mark) could be a good idea.
When I went through law school, at times I was so depressed I wrote my exams in my pajamas with a coat over top. And at that time it would have been impossible to tell anyone (over 35 years ago!), even if I had been diagnosed. Mental health problems were a taboo topic.
It is a huge step to see ‘disability’ offices in the Universities & colleges where you can tell someone of your problem and seek assistance.
We have indeed come a long way!
Think of the professor as someone needing education, not someone being mean.
Thanks for your wise suggestion, Trudie. And it really is true about mental health coming a long way since we were kids!
Dinto, I started a DBSA Support Group and it’s going very well in a small community in South Dakota. I have 17 people attending weekly. It is getting too big for one group so I am looking into splitting the group. I was very afraid at first to get my number out there letting others know I have this illness. I still like the anonimity(SPELL??) of not having to distribute my name on advertising just my phone number as the weeks go by, its not so bad, because the calls you are getting are the ones that have the same problem as you do. We had issues of going out for a coke and that person would introduce me as the lady that started the bipolar support group. I was very offended and angry and to offset this, I did a confidentiality in-service in group one night and had everyone sign it. (the lady that broke my confidentiality wasn’t there that night of course.)
I did address this with her though. I am JoAnn thats it. The DBSA Chapter is very good at giving you the information you need to start a group. Don’t be afraid. I thought I wouldhave only a few and am amazed how big its getting. I still hate the fact that I have this illness. The most frustrating part is the ignorance of others who don’t understand it. Comments I recieved is throw your pills away and just go to work, Its not an illness, its all in your head use your coping skills and everything will be fine.
My daughter is bipolar and just turned 20 in June. She is adopted and last summer we were connected with her birthfather. He is bipolar as well as his mother. So it runs in the biological father side of the family. My daughter is going through a rough time right now. She started Cosmetology school in September, 2009. She has had to drop out several times for various reasons. Several times it was due to the bipolar illness. She crashed in February and took a three month leave of absence. Paul Mithell Cosmetology School has been so supportive and encouraging to her as well as us. She went back in June for about a week. She fell and hit her head very hard which triggered seizure type spells. It turns out they are related to the bipolar. She missed two weeks of school and is now out again for at least 30 days. She feels she will never get through school and never amount to anything. I keep telling her that she can do this. She is a very smart, creative, outgoing, and compassionate young lady. Paul Mitchell School is committed to getting her through as well. In fact, the woman that runs the school told me her brother is bipolar and she understands very well what we are dealing with. I tell my daughter, Kaitlin, that she is just going to accomplish getting through school in a different way than most people, but it will be the way that is best suited for her. God blessed us with such a wonderful daughter!!! Have there been lots of ups and downs? You bet…but we are learning more every day with Julie Fast’s materials on how we can manage this illness. We’ve only just begun using the materials, but Kaitlin has come to realize, since February, that she needed to get back in counseling and may need to get back on meds again. We have found excellent people for both and they really listen to her. My husband and I didn’t realize what we were in for when we received our daughter on July 9th, 20 years ago. But God knew we were the parents for her and that we would be able to encourage her and help her be a wonderful, caring, and giving person. I’m a teacher and musician as well. I homeschooled Kaitlin from 7th grade through highschool. She has so much potential and I believe she will be one “heck of a hair stylist” after she gradutes from Paul Mitchell Cosmetology School. So Sandra, I encourage you and applaud you! My daughter still has a long road to get to a healthy state yet. I know how those negative comments can impact and hurt because I’ve felt it through my daughter. But take the good from the situation and build on that. That’s what we are doing. Kaitlin can be very negative and it is hard to get the positive going, but when we do…WOW! She is so great!!! You go, Sandra!!! God bless!!!
Thank you so much for writing, Sarah! I guess my little note of encouragement is directed at your daughter.
Hi, Kaitlin!
It sounds like you have had a rather rough year, and I am so sorry about that. If there is one good thing you can look at through all of this, is that the director of you school really understands what is involved in bipolar management, and the toll it can take on a person until they become “stable”. I’ve never really liked that word, but it does describe our situation well.
It was hard for me to accept my diagnosis at first…well, actually, for years! I even asked my best friends if they thought I had it and, of course, they said, “YES!” and then promptly listed many examples of past incidents.
I’d heard that I need to stay “compliant” with my medications and have done that, with a very few exceptions when one of my three bipolar prescriptions has run out. But now I’ll have a pill container with enough of my meds to last a week, thanks to a tip I received from this blog! It can be tough finding the right combination and dosage of medications, but it is so worth it! I feel better than I’ve ever felt before (well, I had, prior to the past few hectic weeks).
Another thing that helped me was seeing a psychologist. I never realized what a toll bipolar disorder can take on colleagues until two years ago. My psychologist helped me very much.
And one last thing. As you are able, you will find Julie’s web site very helpful in getting lots of information about bipolar disorder. It’s the best! So are her books. So, since you’ll be out of school and kind of at rest for a month, perhaps you can read up on our shared disorder. Knowledge is power!
Take care, Kaitlin. You’re in my prayers.
Sandra
Hi Sandra,
I agree with everyone here. You are doing an excellent job. I find this instructor’s remarks extremely frustrating. The prevalence of this ignorance makes me grind my teeth. I only want to encourage you to keep going. I have bipolar and I’m a special ed teacher(I have been teaching for a really, really, really long time) lol I can only say that working through everything I have had to go through has only made me a better teacher. Certain parts of my job are particularly stressful and I have to keep up with my treatment plan, self care and support. Sometimes it is really hard. One benefit is that I have developed an amazing sense of compassion for the students–no matter their disability. Also I have the ability to be a strong advocate for getting their needs met especially for my students with emotional struggles.
I have disclosed my diagnosis to my immediate boss and co-workers. They really try to be supportive. It has helped that I can tell them when I’m having high anxiety need a break or even a day off. I hesitate to disclose to the higher administration. I don’t perceive a strong sense of acceptance. I can’t advise you there. I don’t think I would if I was a new teacher. Maybe it would depend on the individual situation.
Hang in there kiddo!
Julie
Julie, it is great to hear from a fellow special ed teacher! I agree with you that having what we have makes us more determined to make sure others understand our students from their point of view. It’s especially hard when a child’s (or adult’s) disability is unseen.
I have colleagues who know my diagnosis because it helps to have someone know in case a stressful situation arises or I seem hypomanic, as I have trouble recognizing that. So it’s nice to hear that you’ve done that as well. I am fortunate that they accept me as they do any other teacher.
Thank you for your comments!
Sandra
Hello there! I agree with all the comments and angles above.
I wanted to add that I relate to this very much, though I am not bipolar (my sister is). I have chronic pain arising from an overuse injury long since fixed, but I got my life back, when I was put on Zoloft. I have mild depression too but avoided using medication until it was offered as a solution for pain management. I’ve had to deal with well meaning but ignorant health professionals and other people who’ve wanted me to come off or vastly reduce my dosage, and proposed all sorts of other things which haven’t helped thus far, only made me feel more depressed, and taken a blow to my confidence in the process. Now I chose who I tell, and what I tell them.
Sandra, I hope a bit of mild indignation will help you get past this initially, and then you can have some compassion for the woman. In any case hang in there, it sounds like you’re kicking quite a few goals, and thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Lesley, for sharing what you have dealt with.I hope the Zoloft has helped with your depression as well as the pain.
I am feeling better as each day passes, and the incredibly helpful and supportive comments from so many kind people, like you, have helped enormously. I’m not the type to hold on to a grudge, and I really like this professor a lot, so I will talk with her in person.
Take care, and so will I,
Sandra
It’s always so hard to judge how someone will react. You’ll know when someone has had a very negative experience with bipolar people (thus proliferating the stigma) or if they’ve had someone close to them with bipolar and know how to gauge their reactions. That is the risk you take when you divulge this information to others. Sometimes when you stick your arms out to others, they will reject you (or seem to, at least). But the beautiful thing is that others will hug you back and tell you that you’re brave, beautiful, and courageous to do all that you do despite a disorder that you have very, very little control of.
I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar, but have long suspected that I had it. Very recently, I hired an assistant for our company, and on the second or third meeting, my partner asked him if he had a girlfriend. He replied that he had a girlfriend about 6 months ago who he broke up with because she was “completely nuts” and went on to explain how crazy she was because of her bipolar. We all see life through different filters based on our experiences, positive and negative. Needless to say, I did not tell him I was bipolar, though I almost wanted to slap him and tell him not to say such insensitive things. You never know who you might offend!
Other people react with such kindness because they have dealt with bipolar on a level that takes great care and compassion. Remember these people, and these experiences. May you bounce back quickly and realize that you have all the love you need from others.
All the best to you.
Kristin, thank you for your very compassionate and wise comments. They are beautifully written and come from the heart.
Sandra
hey sandra, your doing a great job. now ” just take big BREATH and REMEMBER TO BREATHE. I was given some good advice once, focus on getting one thing done at a time, us little B. Peer’s like so much to prove that we are super human people and possesE all those powers, and that we can manage it all. however, if we don’t pioritize what it takes to stay well, and on top of things, emoitional,physically and mentally we start to unravel.
too hoots to your incompetent, ignorant PROFESSOR let her hide her impersonal head behind her book. your obviously one motivatated, intellegent, independant woman that has earned your place to be there. And as single mother, taking on all that you do, your definetly my ” POSTER GIRL FOR BIPOLAR ” “POLAR POWER” !!!!!
Rhonda, I am laughing at your description of “us little B.Per’s” – never had it put quite like that, but I like it very much!
You are so right about trying to do it all. I am sure that happened to me in June when I took on so many roles, and it’s been taking a toll on me. At least grad classes end next week, as this “little B. Per” is definitely not a super woman!
I appreciate your insight, Rhonda!
Sandra
Such an unfortunate response you received from your teacher. (I haven’t read any responses, so please forgive me if repeating what others have said). I can only relate in the sense that my husband received the same reaction from people who claimed to love him. He made himself vulnerable and was very honest about his bipolar struggles. It came back to hurt him as they treated him differently and lost trust in him. It was a major set-back in his “bipolar journey” (For lack of better words, but such a tough time helped us both to find some really good resources (including Julie’s Health Cards and books) as we both realized we were not equipped to deal with all of the polars of bi-polar if you know what I mean. However, the situation has made us both very cautious about who we open up to about his struggles. On the other hand, it has caused us both to be more sensitive and encouraging (versus condemning) to anyone who opens up about their struggles whether bipolar related or not. We cannot change the negative influences, but we can ensure we don’t hurt others the same way we have been hurt. Blessings to you.
Dear SO,
Your comments are so true! May you and your husband continue to learn who to entrust with the special knowledge of his bipolar disorder and who to keep it hidden from.
I agree with you – aren’t Julie’s books awesome! And her web site has SO much information! I’ve spent hours just reading as much as I can about different issues and find it’s all been helpful.
Sincerely,
Sandra
Sandra,
I want to encourage you to keep progressing towards your goal! It took courage to request your extension and you can pat yourself on the back for that.
I earned my bachelor’s and master’s degree before my initial depression diagnosis and eventual BiPolar II diagnosis. All the symptoms were there. I now teach college level accounting. Your instructor was way over the top in her comments. I will also tell you that as an instructor I hear so many excuses for not getting work done. You may have been the “fortunate” one to have pushed her over the edge. It happens. Move forward and take care of you.
Thank you, Laura. I am usually so good about getting work done on time or before the due date and I work toward getting 4.0′s in my coursework. There were simply too many things piling up on me.
It helps to hear from a fellow educator with Bipolar Disorder. Thanks!
Sandra
WOW SANDRA!!!! I too am VERY proud of you! You are doing SO AWESOME!!! I am a special education teacher and have had bipolar students. My first year teaching, I had two and that was my first introduction to bipolar. It was very tough, but it won’t be as tough for you, I’m sure! You will be fantastic with those students. I agree with Julie, this teacher was probably trying to help…..but she didn’t realize what she was actually doing. That just goes to show how she really doesn’t understand bipolar. I wish she would read your post…cause you are DEFINITELY a shining star of a person. To do and handle as much as you do living with bipolar, is truly amazing and inspiring. Please hold that in your thoughts, you should be just as proud of yourself as everyone on this blog is in you!!! YOU GO GIRL!!! =)
Dear Marlen,
Is this ME you’re writing to? All those nice adjectives!
Seriously, I’m just doing what everyone else with bipolar disorder is working toward – living a stable, fulfilling, and happy life. We just all do it differently. And I agree with you, that my professor must have thought she was helping.
But I appreciate your “cheerleading”!
Take care,
Sandra
Well done you!!! Not got many words at the moment, just wanted to say very well done on so many counts (on not letting yourself react to her immediately, but giving yourself time to get perspective and getting your frustrations out on here with those who have some more realistic understanding of this illness) and thank you so much for sharing the experience. Got a lump in my throat…
Thanks again, and remember: You are unique, loved and appreciated!
Thank you, Heidi.
Sandra
Thank you so much, Paul. Your note about “even professionals can dish out nonsense in the guise of good intensions” (I know it’s not a direct quote, but close enough!) helps. I absolutely agree that her letter to me shows that the stigma of mental illness is alive and well, even in a field of education which should understand that no disability deserves a stigma. That is the biggest reason I hadn’t sought assistance from the disability resource office on campus. I don’t know what I’ll run into there, but I’ll find out next week. I appreciate your note – thank you.
Sandra,
The way I read it, she wasn’t trying to hurt you, she thought she was giving helpful advice. It shows me she has SOME knowledge of BP, at least. Her ‘advice’could very well be coming from very little knowledge…maybe second or third hand; maybe she read a book and think’s she knows it all. Maybe, she has BP and won’t tell anyone. The thing is: It’s not about you, Sandra, it’s about her. These comments, I mean. Who knows? Maybe YOU will be the one to enlighten her! I just want you to focus on all you have accomplished and I want to say HOORAY for a mom who drops everything for her son! He will never forget it! You don’t need anyone else’s appproval or affirmation but YOU GO GIRL! I think your ‘teacher’ is about to become the student! I’m curious about this course subject matter. If she knows anything about anything, who knows, maybe she is intimidated by your knowledge? Or could it be that she is testing you? One never knows!!!! Now saying this isn’t to make you suspicious of her. It’s just a thought. I’ve had a few teachers in the past that were pros at being sneaky or ‘in your face’ and pathetic at being teachers! In fact a lot of them had no compassion at all. Maybe she’s one of them! Have a great day, anyway!
Hi, Shelley,
Thank you for your comments. I agree with you and others who’ve written, that she probably was well-meaning, but just didn’t know how to go about it. I do hope I can help teach her what it’s like for those of us who have bipolar disorder; there can be so many triggers between the financial costs of grad school, the deadlines, trying to learn what everyone else in the class seems to already know (technology!).
I really do admire her as a teacher, and she has a ton of experience in many areas of special education, not just academics. Perhaps she’s had some other students trying to make excuses, but my work in the class should indicate that is not characteristic of me. Who knows?
Anyway, thank you for your comments. They are appreciated.
Sandra
I would like to comment from another perspective. As a retired teacher myself, I have seen teachers all the time who want to solve problems or fix things, whether asked to or not! This seems to be a very general trait for educators and difficult to overcome. And your professor seems to be just this way. All the advice given to you Sandra is sound and I want to add that you can learn from this experience: Try not to be the solver or fixer of others as you continue in your career. Take care of your needs and your responsibilities and let others grow through solving their own problems.
Also, I would be very discreet in telling people in the education community about anything since teachers are notorious and not always accurate gossips! Really!
I applaud your getting your Masters. Best of luck!
Hi, Colleen,
Oh, you are SO right about other teachers wanting to nose in your business and “offer advice” when they haven’t got a clue. I steer clear of those folks in our school, which fortunately doesn’t have many busybodies. But I found that my co-teacher, who I worked with for the first time last year, just loves to offer her advice. Actually, “offer” is too gentle a word. Perhaps “ram it down my throat” is more appropriate! She means well, but she needs to LISTEN and stop offering advice. I found that she did this even in parent conferences, much to the frustration of the parents.
I appreciate your insight!
Sincerely,
Sandra
Sandra,
Thanks so much for posting- it’s great to hear that all of this wonderful support and advice has made a difference. We can all use it when we are faced with something new that has deadlines.
Never worry about how long it takes to get a degree- I got a B.A and it took me three schools and eight years! But I did it!!!!
Julie
Sandra, thank you for writing to Julie, because your letter has given me some more courage in dealing with life. I am about to start a Master’s program and am having so much anxiety about it. I am grateful to have read about your experiences with life and how you are dealing with things. I am sorry you have a teacher who really is ignorant. She had no idea that when we ask for help we are making ourselves vunerable. You were brave to ask for an extension and a great example to me. Thank you and I am sending you all the good energy I can. Thank you for sharing your stength!
Hi, Lisa!
I don’t know if I have any strength or not – I sort of went to pieces when I received that email. But reading so many of these responses has given me lots of good ideas, as well as encouragement that getting a master’s CAN be achieved. I do hope you get a chance to read them some time – they truly are helpful. I even saw in my inbox tonight that bp magazine’s cover story is about bipolar students at college, written by a counselor at the University of Virginia (trust me, that is a VERY tough school to get into!). I found that more than coincidental.
I know that, for me, I was (and continue to be) most anxious about the financial costs involved, the amount of time involved (we cannot stay up late and mess with our sleep schedule!), and the stress of deadlines. It was easier for me to handle it all with one class. Maybe that’s the way I’ll have to go. Don’t know. I think I’ll just have to figure out exactly what it is I need to do to help me manage this better. (I always figure there’s room for improvement!)
Thank your for the good energy you’re sending my way, Lisa!
Sincerely,
Sandra
Dear Sandra.
When I was getting my master’s degree I had two toddlers in the house and a husband that didn’t help much as far as helping with them so I could study. I would drive from my town to my inlaws some 65 miles away and then from there twenty five more miles to school for night class. Then I had to pick up my kids and go back home. I was exhausted. My kids had the normal illnesses for their age and I had to take them to the Doctor and stop to look after them. I didn’t think I could make it. I had to ask my professor to give me an extension on my work. She did but it was still a struggle to finish. I just about quit a bunch of times. It took me seven years to finish, but I did it.
I know that you can do it too Sandra. I was undiagnosed at the time but you have the advantage of knowing that some of your problems derive from your disorder and you are doing something about it! Hurray for you and keep on moving along. Though it is quite a struggle to go to school while trying to continue with the struggles of normal life with bipolar to boot, it can be done and you can be so proud of yourself for doing it.
Oh, wow, you truly had a burden on your hands while getting your master’s, didn’t you? I could never do all of that night driving – really, I’d end up falling asleep at the wheel or pulling over and sleeping somewhere!
I appreciate your sharing that you, too, asked for an extension. That is the very first time I’ve ever asked – I never have, even when I was getting my undergrad degree.
Thanks!
Sandra
Hi Sandra,
I tried full time work, a contract gig and a Masters degree class on more than one occasion. The work part is my livelihood, so guess what suffered. Yep, the schoolwork. Instructors at the university are under their own pressure to get research grants and their own tenure. As bipolar… yes, I will call us survivors… we have to remember that others have their own stresses. Your Instructor was wrong, but I feel that when we open expose ourselves that we should expect at least some lack of understanding from others who are not medically qualified to be giving advice or council.
Julie is right. YOU are amazing and an inspiration! Keep fighting the good fight and finding the calm within to overcome stresses and anxiety. We are all failed perfectionists, even college instructors. Do the best you can do everyday. It won’t always feel good, but you will make it through with a degree and the pride in knowing you rose above adversity many times to achieve your goal.
Thanks, Melissa! Your comment is a good one to remember – my professor could have been having “one of those days”, too, and my request may have been the one last thing she didn’t need to read.
I really appreciate your response and encouragement. It means a lot.
Sincerely,
Sandra
A friend has passed on a saying to me that I find helpful. “It’s not my business what anyone thinks about me.” Sometimes this is hard to practice, but it helps me to focus on myself and what I can control instead of trying to control other’s hurtful opinions of me.
Good one, Jess! Thanks for sharing it!
Sandra
Sandra,
I attended three colleges and took about 6 years (off and on) before getting my BA from UOP at the age of 31.
I just ran across a good post from Beliefnet….this one is about making your own Self Esteem file. http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2007/09/video-my-selfesteem-file.html
You have obviously struck a note, based on the number of responses, here, an excellent example of how important it can be to post. Look at all the people you have touched.
Hi, DinoT,
Thank you for suggesting the web site – I just visited it, and her suggestion for starting a “self-esteem file” is similar to one I have that is titled “love note from teaching”. It’s funny – I’ll put things in there, but have rarely pulled them out, so I shall have to do that more often. The messages from my young students mean the most, and some are real tear-jerkers.
For those of you reading this who are teachers, it’s amazing what a positive influence we can be on our students. (Forgive me for getting on my soapbox, or for preaching to the choir.) Teachers and their classrooms may be the safest environments our students come into every day. It may be the only place they hear praise and encouragement, where they can risk trying something new without fear of ridicule. One of my third-graders became rather attached to me; she confided in me one day that she’d overheard her kindergarten teacher talking to another teacher, saying how obnoxious she was. Whether or not she was the subject of the discussion, she thought she was and it stuck with her for four years. What a label to have to live with!
Adults typically find jobs in a field they have strengths in. Imagine what it’s like for a child with a learning disability. That child comes to school daily and struggles in subjects that are not his strengths, and then goes home to do homework! Teachers can chose to make that student’s day a success or one of misery. What an incredible responsibility we have to our students to make each day the best one they can possibly have.
Okay, just had to get that out! Thanks for letting me share that, even though it has nothing to do with bipolar disorder!
Thank you, DinoT, for the last sentence of your email. If it helps others, that makes the vulnerability of sharing the letter worth it.
Sincerely,
Sandra
Dear Sandra,
I think the hardest part of having Bipolar is the judgements that come from people that don’t have it. I’ve experienced this throughout my life from people who make remarks such as, “how hard is it to have a plan and just stick to it?!” and “you should know better than to act like that!” etc, etc, etc….I’ve had a similar experience to yours, too, when a college professor – one who I really admired and thought she liked me, too — said something unkind about me in an email (I don’t think she meant for me to get it). She said something to the effect of, “she’s bright, but she often didn’t follow through on things” (I’d been her student for undergraduate work and was now asking about a graduate project.) The professor didn’t know that I was BiPolar. She also didn’t know that, in addition, I’d lost my brother in an awful fire during my undergraduate years. I didn’t bother to tell her any of this.
Throughout my life, it’s just been amazing to me, how judgemental people can be. So I try really hard NOT to judge and to be understanding and compassionate.
The reality is that other people don’t have the daily struggles that we do and so, I guess, it’s just easier for them to judge. Sometimes I wonder if judgemental people ever get hit by that saying, “what goes around comes around” and if they end up going through something challenging in their own lives that causes them to realize that life is not a black and white proposition and that there’s a need for compassion and understanding. I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.
What I do know is that we’re super-sensitive people so I can totally relate to the hurt you felt and how much this comment has affected you. I go through the same thing experiences. I like Julie suggestion about The Four Agreements. I keep those taped to my kitchen cabinet. Don’t Take Things Personally — NOT an easy thing to do!!!! But I do try.
Well, just know that you’re not the only person that feels this way, or gets these kinds of comments from people who don’t understand our illness. It’s a really tough illness to have and to explain.
I’ve appreciated your sharing your experience. I hope that by now the situation has resolved itself and is at the back of your mind.
Cheers,
JJ
Dear jenjen,
Thank you so very much for sharing your own experiences. It really does help to know I’m not alone in going through this, but at the same time it’s disconcerting to realize how many people still have no idea what bipolar disorder can be like. And, like you, this professor is a person I really admire for her vast experience and tireless committment to a group of people with a particular type of special needs. I’ve actually looked forward to having her in other classes. Now, I’m not so sure. With my – as you so aptly put it – super-sensitivty and her difficulty with a lack of understanding, that may not be such a good idea. But that’s another story. It’s 3:00 in the morning (this latest bit of news has really bothered me). Try as I may, I cannot go back to sleep. This is really unlike me.
Your note, though, is truly helpful and encouraging. It’s the type of message all of us can relate to, and all of us need to be reminded of.
Sincerely,
Sandra
Hi
Im a teacher too…you are an inspiration Sandra. Keep at it. she is but one person among many who think y ou are gre at !
Hi, Tina,
It’s been good to hear from so many teachers, like you. Thanks for the encouragement, Tina. I’m finding I still need it.
Sincerely,
Sandra
Wow, thank-you Sandra for your post. What amazing responses from so many wise people too – my favourite “we are all failed perfectionists”.
Sandra if I had as much on my plate as you have recently been coping with I would expect to fall off my perch too!! You’re obviously getting back on track though and I’m hoping you will soon be remembering this incident and the associated hurt as just another BP hiccough…
I also appreciated what you have said about puffy eyes. Sometimes I feel ashamed of crying, but as it seems to be something I do when over-stressed I have decided I should just accept it as a sign that I’ve been over-doing things or there is too much that I am expecting myself to do or cope with. I seem to get over crying a bit quicker when I give myself permission to cry & not worry about it; but sometimes I feel languid for a couple of days.
I do prefer not to cry (or have puffy eyes) in public, but I own my own business and naturally, things don’t always go perfectly. Occassionally my staff have seen or heard me in my full soggy BP response to stress. After I have blown my nose, taken deep breaths and drunk a couple of cups of tea I re-appear and we all just carry on without comment. I suppose I am the boss, but I’m still very grateful for their attitude. Helpful suggestions that come from the non-BP – such as you experienced – are well-meant but not helpful. Mind you, I think this applies in LOTS of situations, not just BP!!
Dear Janine,
I was up at 2:30 a.m. or so when your email arrived. I wondered who was up that early, too! After reading your note, I realized we’re on different time zones, as well as different continents!
Thank you for the advice about allowing myself to cry because it seems to help the crying episode abate more quickly. I also appreciate your experience in drinking tea to help calm down. I’ve been drinking more hot tea lately than usual. (I don’t drink coffee.)
You’re so correct that people offer well-meaning “advice” to people other than those of us with BP. I’ve learned to listen; eventually someone who’s hurting will share what they need from me, and it may not be anything other than being a good listener.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and words of encouragement, Janine. It means a lot that you took the time not only to read my rather lengthy note to Julie, but to share a bit of yourself with me.
Sincerely,
Sandra
Hello Sandra,
Your accomplishments and planning show that you are exceptional in dealing with this most frustrating illness, bipolar disorder. I actually learned a great deal about how I can utilize some of your tools to help me. Please do not be discouraged by thoughtless statements. You sound to me like a truly astounding woman who has come so far. I wish you continued success!
Hi, Betty!
Thank you so much for your kind words! Now if only I could get my desk more “well-planned” – it’s sort of a mess right now, as I make the change from a small one to the larger, teacher-sized oak desk that I put in my son’s room. I decided to “borrow” it while he’s in France for the year!
I learned SO much from so many of the people who replied to my note! One person said to get another pill container and keep extras in case they’re needed, so I did that and filled it last night. Many others suggested that I just ignore the comments of others and listen to what I tell myself, so I’ll be sure to bring out some of the inspirational reading that I have here. Sometimes, that’s tough to do, especially when the world is falling apart on you, so I still like to have a buddy to call for support.
I need to head off to the university library for some computer work for another class. I’m actually becoming proficient with my computer! Who ever would have thought it possible!
Thanks again,
Sandra
Sandra,
Look what an impact your posting has had! You obviously have struck a note for many of us.
I believe the most important issue, is not what others do to you (us), but what effect we let them have on our lives. Remember no one can make such an impact if we have the confidence and self-esteem needed to weather these things. I think this is where the real work can be done. Well meaning friends and people with limited knowledge will send this kind of message and there is very little we can do to prevent this, except to inoculate ourselves with confidence.
Julie speaks repeatedly about Bi Polar and Depression getting in our brains. Its the Bi Polar talking……..or its the Depression talking……
Hi, DinoT!
I was just about to gather my materials for my instructional technology class when I noticed your message. I agree with what you say. I think that when we’re running on low, however, we will need someone else to help us remember what we’re capable of – or write affirmations around the house, or have inspirational stories to read. And I was definitely running on empty the night I asked my professor for help.
Good news, though. Our project was finished by the deadline (since I hadn’t heard back from her sooner, I was working just as fast as I could!) and my partner turned it in. We received full credit for it. (I still want to make spelling corrections in the website, though!) And the joint book review project received full credit, too. Only one more write-up, which is something I enjoy doing, and I’m DONE for the summer!
I’ve also made changes to what I’d planned on doing this summer, as they have not created a peaceful state of mind for me. That is something I would not have done for myself years ago. Guess you can teach an old dog new tricks!
Thanks for writing again!
Sincerely,
Sandra
Good work, Sandra.
I’m BP too and a host of other characteristics that make up she who is me. In the past I have gotten some satisfaction from shaking up anothers’ assumptions when possible & under the right circumstances. In a similar experience I was able to go back to the person who gave more than was asked & correct his assumptions. The feeling of being patronized stirred up intense anger mixed with hopelessness. After I got over the feelings I was able to go to this person and smile the smile I wear when I have to, and say, “You know, I appreciate your doing thus & so, and not judging me, however all I asked for was……however you cannot possibly know what it is like to be me or anyone who is living an experience you do not share. I think you meant to be compassionate, but giving me the advice you did was not helpful and in fact patronizing. It is not a good idea to assume one’s intelligence goes soft in the face of Bipolar. Your uninvited comments served only to add to my burden of stress. Perhaps you might want to consider that to say nothing is often the most helpful & supportive action one can do for another.”
In my experience, as long as I am calm & pleasant, the person I’m addressing “gets”it. They get an education & I feel better. Good luck in your endeavors, Sandra.
Hi, Edie,
Thank you very much for responding and sharing your experiences with me. Fortunately, I think my professor got my message and apparently there are no hard feelings, which I like. I even aced the class!
I also learned that I can take one class per semester instead of two. That is such a relief, both academically and financially. I cannot handle being rushed or doing something halfway, and I was really concerned that I was getting in over my head taking two classes per semester.
Thanks again for your note!
Sincerely,
Sandra
Hi Sandra,
I can totally understand where you are coming from…because I have expended SO much energy trying to normalizing my world, while inside things are spinning. I find I keep my Bipolar status to myself unless I feel I can trust that person completely. I have a wonderful husband, son, friends and family who understand my how I function in the world. It’s with their support I have been able to come so far and not let things spin out of control. It is tough to remain stable because finding the right combination of meds and support to create a balance.
It sounds like you have been able to create a lifestyle that you have been successful with. You sound like a WONDERFUL and caring mother, you are in a Master’s program and probably have many other accomplishments. It can be tough not to get stuck inside ourself with all that comes with being Bipolar. But it’s so important to keep focused on the goals you have accomplished and are working toward accomplishing. I have learned that if there is any negativity or drama then those are the people and situations that are triggers for me. I use that as my barometer to not engage in the negativity and remain in control of my situations and feelings.
Continue to take care of yourself. Best of luck in your Master’s program you will be a GREAT teacher as you will have an understanding of how it feels to have differences and challenges that others don’t.
Jen : )
Hi, Jen!
Thank you SO much for writing! You are right about it being tough finding the balance needed to remain stable. I am very glad summer classes are over. I will only take one of those in the future, as the summer courses are basically condensed full-term classes. Too much pressure for me. And you are also right about negative people and “drama” – I cannot tolerate those well. I need to just walk away from folks like that.
Back to School Week starts for teachers in two weeks! Feels like it’s coming too fast and I still have summer projects to complete! But, I’ll get them done.
Again, thanks so much for writing. I really appreciate it!
Sincerely,
Sandra