Thank you for writing this. It’s something I needed to hear. I met you at the DBSA conference this year in Virginia. I actually sat next to you at the Rebecca’s Dream luncheon and you asked if you could use part of my story for your book on teen depression. It’s okay if you don’t remember me. My information was, at the time, on a little blue post-it note stuck somewhere deep in the depths of that big purse of yours. You told me I would be a great writer someday. Thanks.

I am currently going through a bad depression that I managed to push away for most of that weekend. Without sleep it’s kind of hard to know how you feel at all. lol. It’s 4:22am now. I slept ’til 5:30pm today, much later than usual. I’ve fallen into the habit of getting up around 1 or 2. I hate my life.

I told you at the comedy show when I was following you for a hug that that day marked one month out of the hospital for me. I’ve been in twice this year, totaling 21 days. I am remembering tonight your tremendous positivity. You told me it would be okay and to just keep up hope. I don’t feel like keeping the hope. Yes, it’s my bp talking. What if my bp is right? I know I have so much potential! But I tell myself, “If it’s going to be like this, I don’t want it.” I have been in the hospital 7 times since 2001 and am probably headed there again soon. I am extremely suicidal, researching options and dosages needed to overdose. I even called the Poison Control Center here to ask what some of what I have would do if I took it. I was angry when the man answered my question without asking why. Shouldn’t he be trained to spot things like that? My therapist is refusing to see me next week because I didn’t go to the gym 3xs this week, which he seems to think will cure me. One of my DBSA friends emailed him to make sure he knows what’s going on with me. Hearing that made me expect a call or an email from him, some form of communication, concern. Nothing.

I feel hopeless. So, in my hours online tonight wandering around YouTube watching stupid cat videos and listening to the rain outside, I thought of you. I thought of you and how much I admired you at the convention and do now, how much I wanted to be like you. If you have some words of hope please send them to me. I could really use them now. Thank you and God Bless.

Love, Michelle

Is this the bi-polar, or just something else.?

Hi,

It’s totally normal to be suicidal when you’re depressed. It’s also normal to feel worthless when you’re depressed! That is literally the definition of depression..

I was sick all day yesterday from work pressure. Those of us with bipolar disorder often have trouble working. I’ve had trouble with work all of my life. It really attacks your belief in yourself when you can’t work! The only way to get around this is to treat the bipolar first- this means trying for as long as it takes to find the right meds and then… here is the hard part- learn to manage the illness on your own. I do it daily. You have to have a treatment plan that works. My book Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder has a plan as do my other books. I wrote them because I needed them.

You are NOT lazy. You have a serious, but ultimately treatable illness. Here are some ideas:

1. Decide to stay where you are right now- work wise- and spend the next three months focusing exclusively on bipolar management

2. Talk with your girlfriend and explain what bipolar is like- read my book together. Work together. Just as she would do – both of you would do if you had a physical illness.

3. When the voices start- no matter how strong they are- say, This is not me! This is bipolar disorder. And when I treat the bipolar disorder, i can make these voices go away.

Things DO get better. I am proof. I never thought I would work again- and now I work a lot. It isn’t easy and I still get sick, but I can work.

Don’t give up!

julie