Bipolar Driving and Missing My Lamictal

Bipolar Driving and Missing My Lamictal

I’ve had a lot of irritation lately. My Lamictal dosage is messed up (my fault) and I can feel it affecting my tolerance level. I swear, I was in so much traffic the other day I thought I would explode. I live in a city, so this was not abnormal. What was abnormal is how I reacted to the traffic: cussing out my window when I was stopped at a green light. Honking my horn. Banging my steering wheel. Leaving a message on my friend’s cell saying, “Portland is a great city, but it’s going to hell!! This traffic is getting worse every day!”

I felt my face squeeze into an ugly mask. I wanted to hurt someone or ram someone’s car. And then I stopped and thought,Oh no. I’m rapid cycling. And right there, I realized what was going on. I was rapid cycling and my head was [ Read More ]





Bipolar Disorder and Children: A Mother’s letter

hi, I often get letters from readers. I like to pass on the ones that show positive stories of how this illness CAN be treated. It takes a team- that is for sure!

 Julie,

Thank you for doing this work. Public, private and municipal awareness is essential. So is education, school awareness. You are amazing.

My 13 year old daughter has had an early diagnosis of early onset bipolar disorder and we have had treatment plans and interventions as needed in place for about 5 years now. She is doing really well, is stable and we provide the best environment, prescribed meds and learning environment for her as possible. Early detection and “labeling” for treatment and protocol purposes is essential.

It helps to detect, to understand and to treat appropriately.

Thank you for helping me to understand as a parent what exactly the cognizant pieces and self awareness that a BP person needs in order [ Read More ]





Bipolar Disorder Drama

One Bipolar Drama After Another!

I used to have a lot of drama in my life. Much of it was due to my own choices, some of it was due to bipolar disorder causing me to make stupid choices, such as when I get manic.

I have changed completely in the past few years. I’m no longer willing to make decisions and then just hope they turn out ok.

I get too sick when I do this. I have goals in life that I want to reach-  speaking to large groups on mental health, reducing the suicide rate in this country, financial stability, physical health- big stuff for sure! The only way I can accomplish my goals is to examine every potential decision for disaster (drama!) from sending an email to saying yes to a request. I’ve learned to ask myself the following questions:

Will it make me sick?

Has it made me sick in [ Read More ]





Depression and Generocity

It’s so hard to be generous when you feel like hell.

It’s hard to be happy for others when you’re unhappy.

It’s hard not to be jealous when you see someone get what you can’t have.

It’s hard to say, ‘I’m so proud of you! Good job! You deserve it! I’m happy for you!” when you fell like your world is falling apart.

But guess what, you can teach yourself to do it- even when you don’t feel you can do it.

I call it acting as if.

When I’m unbelievably jealous of a friend,  I first have to look inside myself and see where the jealousy comes from- it usually comes from depression. In fact, if I’m jealous and depressed and mean and nasty and then the friend starts having problems, I actually feel better! It’s awful and something I fight a lot! It simply is not the real me. I am always happy [ Read More ]