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    Bipolar disorder and morning depression…..

    I woke up depressed and stressed….

    I woke up and felt a cascade of negative thoughts.  There was a song going over and over in my head. I felt doubts about my latest book deal.  When I poured milk on my cereal, my brain started counting the way the milk came out of the container. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-

    I’ve talked to other people who have the counting thing as well. I only get it when I’m stressed or psychotic! And it always ends with eight!

    Then there are the thoughts that I will be lonely all weekend and that the article that is due tomorrow won’t get done.

    ALL LIES.

    I just want to get on with my day and I will. I have now heard all of the bad stuff my brain has to offer- for the rest of the day I will replace it with the good stuff I have to offer my brain. I [ Read More ]





    Posted on March 14th, 2009 | Tags: , | Category: Depression

    Bipolar Disorder and Relationship Confidence

    I’m amazed at how my lack of confidence in myself often gets in the way of new relationships.    If you don’t believe you’re good enough for someone, you will do everything possible to make sure you don’t get rejected by doing the following:

    1. Never contacting the person even when they show signs of wanting to meet with you.

    2. Stay with someone who is not right for you simply because it’s comfortable and the person won’t reject you.

    3. Never ask a person to join you in a business deal because you are sure they would say no anyway!

    Yes, the list is endless and I have to admit I have done a few of the above myself. I’m working on it. I have an exceptional business coach. She introduced me to one of her clients because she thought we would hit it off. I had lunch with her client and it was [ Read More ]





    Bipolar Disorder and Weekend Nights

    I always find weekends difficult when I’m depressed- so I make sure I always have something to do on a Friday and Saturday night. As many of you know, I’ve decided to remain single for the rest of 2009, so I spend a lot of time with friends. When I’m well, I can do things on the spur of the moment- but I know myself too well, so I plan very carefully for the weekend nights.  Otherwise, my plan to stay single gets a little lonely!

    Do you have trouble on the weekends?  It’s probably a cultural thing!

    Julie





    Bipolar disorder: It does get better..

    I was quite ill in January. I just had three days of major mood swings last weekend. 

    Today I am fine.

    It’s so important to remember that bipolar disorder is an episodic illness. It literally can come and go. I feel like I have to do my best work between the mood swings!

    Hang in there if you’re sick today- when you use a treatment plan that works- and when you work on your triggers, you can definitely get better.

    Sometimes there are no triggers and the illness just shows up and stays too long. That can get better as well.

    It’s up and down with bipolar, but there can also be long periods where it is just in the middle and you can get on in life.

    Julie





    Bipolar Disorder and Rapid Cycling after something great happens!!!!!

    Too Many Mood Swings to Count in Just 24 Hours!

    I turned in a large, important and wonderful project on Sunday night. It’s now Tuesday. The project is a proposal for my new book. This is a big undertaking, so I know I have to be extra careful about my health. I was careful! Early to bed early to rise! No late nights- decided to put a hold on a daily phone call I often have with a very stressed and negative friend, etc. I am really working hard to stay stable.

    This certainly helped me finish the proposal. I was so elated to have it done! Real pleasure. 

    Then I went up.. .and down.. and up.. then WAY down and finally back up. That was just on Sunday!

    The same thing happened all day yesterday. Finally, but 11 that night, I was worn out, but up again. I took an Ativan and then another [ Read More ]





    Bipolar Mood Swings are so ridiculous..

    I mean that! They literally make no sense.

    I just finished a book proposal for my next book. It was a huge undertaking and I was literally elated when I hit the send button on my email.

     In the past, I would get depressed when I finished a large project. This time, I was even happy the next day! I thought to myself- wow, maybe the depression skipped me this time!

    Then I realized I was slightly manic- I wrote about it below. This upset me as it’s not fair… I always say it’s not fair and I sound like a little baby- but it’s not fair!

    Last night, around 4PM I went straight down. This was 24 hours after sending the proposal. So I guess I didn’t slip by the depression after all. It was a bad down swing. At first I wasn’t sure why I was depressed. I kept saying to myself- this [ Read More ]





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