Living with bipolar suicidal thoughts…

Hi,It’s hard for me to write blogs when I’m so suicidal.  I wrote a few days ago about a bad experience with Zoloft that put me into a severe downswing.

I just had a conversation with my coauthor Dr. John Preston and he said,“Julie,you always keep the fighting attitude alive. You keep moving even when it’s hard to keep moving.”

And then we asked the question- What’s the alternative!

I don’t want to kill myself,but my brain doesn’t get the message sometimes. I was crying in bed last night with the thoughts,“Is this all there is to my life? Will I always be this sick? Does anyone care about me? Am I going to die from this illness? Will I be alone forever? Does my work have a purpose? Why am I on this earth?  I am left out of everything. My life is so small.”

If you have ever [ Read More ]





Posted on June 25th,2009 | Tags:,, | Category:Suicide

More news from the DBSA conference

Mania from the DBSA conference!  (DBSA stands for the Depression,Bipolar Support Association- the conference was this weekend in Virginia)

I just received the following comment from Denise,a DBSA participant.

I too was at the conference,and found your workshop on Relationships to be an excellent workshop.

Don’t know about others who have BiPolar Disorder who were at the conference,but by the end,I was beginning to feel the mania coming on. Too much auditory stimulation I suppose. As I write this,I am waiting on my dr to return my call,as I also started getting visual ‘distortions’toward the end of the conference.

Julie,it was a pleasure to meet you at the conference.

** Oh,yes. I experienced the same thing. I often feel there should be a class on how to stay stable when you go to a conference on bipolar disorder! My worries are more that I will [ Read More ]





DBSA Conference in Virginia

I’m getting ready to speak at the DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Aliance) conference in Virginia next week. Some of you have written and asked about the weather- It should not be a problem.

 As of today- my talk is one week away. I have to start thinking of my health now. This means planning ahead- well…I could do a better job of this so I really am starting NOW to get things in order. I will then start the sleep regimine I use when I change time zones! It’s three hours ahead so I will go to sleep earlier and earlier until I am exactly on Virginia time when I get there. I will do the same on the way back. It works! Do you have to travel in different time zones soon? You can read more about my travel tips in the travel section on the right menu.

I’m excited that I can [ Read More ]





DBSA.. Julie Fast Podcast interview:Families and Bipolar Disorder

I’m speaking at the Depression Bipolar Support Alliance in September,2008. I really look forward to it.

My presentation is on Families and Mood Disorders. The three hour program is filled with personal stories and tips on managing the illness as a team.

I recently did a DBSA podcast interview on the topic.  Don’t worry! The podcast isn’t three hours. ;)

I think you will enjoy it!

Please click on this link for the podcast:

Julie Fast DBSA Interview:Families and Bipolar Disorder

Depending on your computer system,you can either listen directly from this blog,or you may have to download the podcast to your computer. This is a MP3 file that’s easy to download and then play. You can then put the file on your IPOD.

Let me know what you think!

Julie





Depression and Suicide

I just received this comment on the blog I wrote on bipolar depression:

“ I want to die. Can you help me please. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I don’t want to live anymore.”

It’s hard to get these emails- not because they shock me- they don’t,but because I wish I could sit across from the person and tell them why they feel the way they do and that they can get through this.

Since I can’t actually look at the person,I will write them here.

Hi. I’ve been suicidal so many times I can no longer count the episodes.  Suicidal thoughts are a completely normal part of bipolar disorder. We get depressed,manic,anxious and paranoid,just to name a few- and we also get suicidal.

Wanting to die is actually something different than it seems- it’s actually wanting to end the pain that comes with bipolar disorder depression. I [ Read More ]





Bipolar Disorder and Suicidal Thoughts

Sucidal thoughts are normal when you have bipolar disorder. I was really stressed the day before my new radio show last week. I was on a busy road and saw a red light up ahead. My mind said,“Julie,you can just run that red light and a car will hit you and all will be taken care of!”These thoughts used to scare me a lot. I now know they’re a response to stress. My friend Lani,who was the guest on the show that day said,“Well,your brain thought is was helping!”

So true. These thoughts are not real. They are manufactured by a bipolar brain. Don’t listen.

Julie





Posted on April 11th,2008 | Tags:,,,, | Category:Suicide
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