Testiness and Bipolar Disorder
Some people are just hard to be around. They are snappy, opinionated, sarcastic, and sometimes mean. I have met them! It’s often a personality trait. This means they were born that way and will probably remain that well unless something or someone pushes them to change.
A personality trait is very different from a bipolar disorder symptom. People always say- “Julie, all of us must have a form of bipolar disorder.” I’m sure I’ve written about this in the blog- but there is a difference. All of us have certainly had bad moods where we are testy when someone even looks at us the wrong way. When a person has a testy personality they tend to be constant in their behavior. If you piss them off, they let you know and you can expect it. This is a good thing as you can then make the decision of you want to have them in your life.
Bipolar disorder testiness is 100% different because it’s episodic and often takes people by surprise. In other words, it’s not the person’s personality. It’s the product of an illness. This doesn’t excuse it! But it does offer an explanation. When I’m in an irritation downswing, a box that I trip on can get kicked across the room while I yell at it. Whereas when I’m in a stable mood, I can trip on a box and then just move it out of the way. This is not a personality trait.
When I’m in an irritation downswing, people are extremely irritating and I can’t believe how stupid they are! It goes on and on.
This was one of the first things the Health Cards taught me- people don’t like angry people and considering that bipolar makes you testy and easily pissed off – you had better learn to control it!
So I did. If you look at my anger/irritation Health Card you can see what I did. I still get in these moods and they are still bipolar disorder related, but they no longer wreck my relationships and people actually do want to be around me!
Julie
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I just snapped at a coworker. I will have to apologize. It was the bipolar speaking, but, as you said, it can’t be excused. I’m tempted to tell him I have bipolar and it’s part of the illness,but I will think long and hard before I do decide to reveal it. The coworker has a sexist attitude and it got to me. I will now think about how I could have best handled the situation with the coworker, as his behavior/attitude borders on sexual harrassment. I have actually already hinted nicely to him about his presentation,and my disapproval.He was totally innappropriate the other day. Anyway, I was too irritated when I responded to him. The guy may still be clueless, but I was clear in my response to him that his behavior in the workplace was not appropriate. For now, I work directly with this man. I know he will avoid me, one reason being, I am his superior.I do feel I should apologize, and as I said, I may tell him I have “mood swings” He probably just believes I snapped at him because I’m a woman(the inferior sex you know lol, not funny;-) Anyway, it’s no fun to snap…it’s scary when you’ve said things you would not normally say. It’s a scary feeling when you know you have lost control of yourself. I am on a mission presently, to begin taking care of myself as I should. It’s way overdue, a long time coming. I gave in and started Seroquel if that tells you anything. I love your newsletter, and for that, I thank you. I am financially strapped, so rely on it to make me feel better. It gives me support I need. I have the “milder” form of bipolar, but any form is no fun…but why am I telling YOU that! In summary, the worst part of my bipolar is that I do “snap” and say things that I later realized I have done as a result of a mood swing. I hate it when that happens, so I will begin my work now to try to prevent myself from doing that. I do know that when I’m under stress it happens.
LeeAnn from Missouri
I am going to court tomorrow, and I have been a mess, shakey, anxious, and frustrated at everybody around me. I feel like everything someone says is just irritatng and worthless to me. I don’t’ want to around anybody, but I know that is not healthy for me. I have been getting worse all week leading up to this stressful situation. I am worried that I am going to have a full blown depression episode. I cannot concentrate and am having trouble sleeping.
Hi Colby,
Isn’t it amazing what stress can do to our bodies and minds… I would be stressed too. It hits us harder- that’s for sure. It’s amazing that you are aware of your anger and frustration- this means you can keep it from ruining relationships and getting you into trouble. I was majorly irritated yesterday and even yelled at a friend- I felt terrible and then realized that is not the real me and I have to manage myself better. I suggest that you have a mantra to say the rest of the day. I am angry because I am stressed and I have bipolar disorder. I will NOT take this out on other people. They are not the problem. I will NOT ruin relationships. I have made it through many tough things and I will make it through this. I know when the court session is over I will feel differently. I can do this and I will. Now, what do I need to do right now to feel better.
I talk to myself like this constantly- even with the stress is overwhleming. The truth is that you can’t get out of the court situation, so you might as well use it as a learning experience to see how well you can manage the anger. If I can keep myself from punching a wall- you can too!!!
Julie