There is a commercial on the radio where I live here in Portland, Oregon that always makes me laugh. It says… beware of the holiday horrors! Buy all of your holiday presents now and save yourself the stress of waiting until the last minute! Ha. What always amazes me about the holiday season is that more people don’t know that they can say no to the ‘horrors.’ For example, every single person I know gets stressed over Thanksgiving. They either don’t want to cook, don’t have the money to spend $200 on a dinner for the eight family members who want to come over, have to spend time with family members they don’t really like, or more seriously don’t have a place to go for Thanksgiving which is just not considered normal in this country! I have experienced all of this. Thanksgiving is one of the most stressful holidays of the year. My friend Sherri- who has bipolar disorder just called and told me that her sister just canceled their plans for next week and now they have to decide what to do for dinner. Sherri said, “I ended up cooking one year Julie! I’m not spending days cooking for something that is gone in a few hours! It’s too stressful!” I agree. I stopped holiday cooking many years ago. I tend to burn everything these days anyway! I remember the big spreads my mother used to put on. They were amazing! I had no idea how hard it was to cook all of that food and then do all of the clean up! She doesn’t do it anymore either. Sherri and I discussed her options: - Call a local natural food store and order Thanksgiving dinner for six. - Make reservations at a restaurant All that matters is that those are the only options. She has to be firm and say she simply won’t cook. And she doesn’t even have to explain why! I’d like to say I’m immune to the whole Thanksgiving hype- but I’m not. I have to make sure I have something to do that day or I know I will get depressed! It’s my nature. But I certainly know it won’t involve cooking and cleaning! If you’re someone who loves Thanksgiving and has a good time, please invite me over next year! I will bring a house plant as a thank you gift! And if you’re someone like me who doesn’t have firm plans yet, start making them today. It’s hard to be lonely on the holidays when you have bipolar disorder! Julie
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I just hate the holidays! Thanksgiving is next week and my ex told me he didn’t want to help me through this illness anymore. Any last minute suggestions?
Julie, even before I got to the end of your blog, I just knew I HAD to invite you to my house to celebrate Thanksgiving! You are cordially invited to attend, and to bring along a guest! Airfare this time of year is pricey, but you’d have fun and enjoy the area – I live in Stafford, Virginia, which is just south of Washington, DC in a very historic county – first settled in the 1600’s, boyhood home to George Washington. I could go on just about my lovely area. But I won’t!
I do hope you would seriously consider coming here for Thanksgiving some day, as it is by far my FAVORITE holiday. Why? I dearly love having a full table of family and friends enjoying a meal that I’ve planned for and enjoyed preparing. I usually don’t get to cook or bake so elaborately since I commute to work, but that is one day where I indulge myself! Turkey, gravy, fluffy mashed potatoes, butternut squash, veggies, homemade cranberry sauce and homemade dinner rolls… And then there’s dessert! I bake a very good pie – so far, I haven’t found any pie that beats mine for either taste or appearance (my grandmother said, “Never trust a woman who doesn’t like her own cookin’.”) I bake cherry, pumpkin, apple, and caramel-pecan for dessert. I may also add a trifle or pumpkin roll, as well, depending on the number of guests we expect.
I love the sound of the Thanksgiving Day parades on TV and the smells of turkey and pies emanating from the kitchen. I don’t feel the stress that Christmas brings (the present issues get me stressed) and I am in no rush to rush Christmas, so the entire weekend is one to enjoy. I do not hit the stores on the Friday after Thanksgiving. I’ll quilt, or garden, or some other enjoyable activity, and munch on leftovers for meals (mmm!)
I hope someday you may be able to share a similar feeling about Thanksgiving. At any rate, feel free to consider yourself invited to our home for the holiday!
Most sincerely,
Sandra J. Sweeney
Amen! This year my husband and I decided to do just that…..say no and do our OWN Thanksgiving. I was always going to other’s homes for Thanksgiving but hauling half my kitchen over there. We decided we would have a small dinner at our house. If it ends up us ALONE, well what’s so bad about that! We have ruffled feathers and caused a massive fruit basket turnover but we have never been happier and we are looking forward to Thanksgiving for the first time in our 33 year marriage! We call it ‘house rules’ now. You are welcome to our home, but you will follow our ‘house rules’. My husband likes to say, ‘Be nice or leave’. It has put a hault to much traffic but those that come seem to be the ones we wanted here anyway. And the meal is just part of the day. The parades, ballgames, naps, shopping and being with people you love is the other part. Enjoy!
About being lonely on the holidays and about dealing with family…
I sing in a choir and the director is awesome. We’re really like a family and as he closed the piano yesterday, our last rehearsal before Thanksgiving, he leaned over the piano in his lecture stance and just looked at us. Lord only knows what’s coming when he does that. Lol. He proceeded to say that if we should find ourselves alone on Thanksgiving, with no place to go, hungry, and feeling sad ’cause we’re lonely that we could come to his place and celebrate Thanksgiving with him. Awesome! He said there is no reason any of us should not be with other people to celebrate Thanksgiving with a good meal. There will be lots of people there. He even said we can crash for the night if we want. He lives a good half hour or more north of most of us and he even said if we need a ride that he’ll come pick us up. What a blessing. It really made my day to know that he cares and that his students really do matter to him.
Now I’m trying to think of a way to convince my mom into letting me go to his place instead of her sister’s! lol. She has decided she wants to go see that side of the family. I guess she talks to this sister frequently but the other sister she never sees will be there and so will one of their sons’ families. Oh yay. I know NONE of them, except for one aunt. And I find myself in this predicament again that I find myself in often. I don’t have anything to talk about EXCEPT MENTAL HEALTH! except choir, and what can you really say about choir? It’s like my life revolves around mental health and treating my illness and that’s not always something I want to talk about. So what DO you talk about when someone asks you how you’ve been and what you’re doing with your life? Usually I just lie and say I’m doing well and use my work for my DBSA group as a “job.” I’m ashamed of where I’m at. So what do you say?