“Are you manic Julie?” said my business manager Laura when I just talked to her on the phone.
Gosh darn it! I hate that question! (I used stronger language than gosh darn it!)She then said, “I’m sorry Julie. I always feel like I’m the one with the bad news.”
I said, “Well, you’re using the health cards and being honest with me. I often need that if I’m mildly manic. I just don’t know if I am though. Maybe I’m just excited because my hands are better and I can finally write again?”I know that the above answer to her “are you manic” question- means I’m hypomanic. I ALWAYS try to justify the mania. Maybe it’s just the real me! Maybe it’s just that it’s sunny outside. Maybe it’s not what it seems!
It’s always what it seems. I know that if more than one person thinks I’m manic- I’m manic. It’s not excitement that causes it. It’s bipolar disorder. In other words, if I’m excited and feel like having a beer in the afternoon and staying up all night with the wrong people, it’s mania. I rarely drink outside of mania.
Excitement is contained. It is a response to something. The kind of excitement I feel when I’m manic is so beyond what non bipolar people feel. And I have to remember that and respect it when the people in my life point it out.
$%#$%#
Darn it.
Unfair.
It feels so good when compared to the terrible depression I often have.
No fair!
Do you have a mania plan? I know that mine keeps my relationships, bank account, drinking and decisions under control.
Thank you Laura.
Julie
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