When I have a lot of mood swings, as I’m having now- managing bipolar disorder becomes my job. Everything I do has to be examined- will this help me get better? Will this make me more ill?
It’s hard. I just want to be a person who gets up, works, sees friends and family, has fun and goes to bed. That is my dream! I have lived it a few times.
Now the bipolar is back. I have to be ready for it.
This afternoon, I saw a nice looking woman who was in her 50’s walking down the street. She was very well dressed. The well part of me thought, “Wow, those are great shoes!” The sick part of me thought, “What is the point of even looking at her shoes, we will all be dead eventually.”
It takes a lot of work to have conflicting thoughts like these- you have to know what is real and what is ridiculous! Managing bipolar is my job when I’m sick. I do it 24 hours a day until I’m better.
Julie
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i would love to get a real job, and feel like the normal people and wear the bright red shoes. but me to has anthe endless occupation of trying to manage this ongoing awfull illness.
Hi Rhonda,
I know exactly – 100% how you feel- I deal with it constantly. In fact, my column in BP Magazine for the summer is finding work when you have bipolar disorder.
I will never have a what I consider a real job- one that is in an office with office workers with me as the CEO! It will never happen. I have let it go. Now I do what I can in the time I have. I plan five years at a time. Where do I want to be in five years with my work life etc. I go slowly and have to remind myself that I’m doing my best. I spend at least 50% of my time managing bipolar – when I’m really having trouble it’s my full time job- so what you are going through is normal. But I hope you can see me as an example of what you can do. There are many options. It takes longer than expected and a consistent plan, but I know you can find a way to fit into the work world. Julie
Dear Julie,
Wanna thank you for the great work. I bought your health cards a few years ago but never got myself to read the entire thing. Guess when I do want to read it it’s when I’m “sick” and when I’m sick reading can be a daunting task. (I have a truck load of self help books on every single subject you can find. When I’m sick–hard to focused and have anxiety–I would picked up 5-10 books and would go from book to book reading less than a page each and then put it down and read another all the while couldn’t really attain the info of what I read. Racing thoughts? Distractability? All symptoms of bipolar right?)
I have had a real job (that lasted more than a month and from which I wasn’t fired) for about 10 years now. Got on disability on and off the last 5 years. I also find it hard to find work that is suitable for me to do. I have learned that I absolutely cannot work in an office environment doing any kind of data processing/entry work. That is WAY TOO stressful for me! I learned to become a certified massage therapist but in the process of training hurt myself (tried to do too much in too short of a time. Becoming obssessed with my education and neglect my health by eating junk food, didn’t rest well, worked too much and too hard…etc) I guess I feel very alone (I’m an extravert by nature) because I’m not working. I long to have contact with other people but not just anybody though. I have strong preference and discrimination as to who I choose to spend time with.
The challenge I’m facing my whole life is that I went back to college so many times each time with a different major in mind. It also seems as if every month I come up with a new aspiration as my “life’s work.” It has been real estate agent, esthetician, nail technician, massage thearapist, seminar speaker, comedian, yoga teacher, singer, pole dancer, burlesque dancer, blog writer, yoga studio owner, the list just does not stop. How do I know which one is my true calling and which one is really what I should stick to and focused on? I am so confused and frustrated with this. I’m talking to someone at Department of Rehabilitation hoping they can help me find something attainable and practical and something that I enjoy doing to be financially independent.
What’s your thoughts on living with bipolar disorder (I’m like you type II rapid cycler) and find work that one can stick to?
luv,
Shannon
I also have bipolar and managing it is a fulltime job. i hate it.