Suicidal thoughts are normal when you have bipolar disorder.
I remember driving one day when I was very stressed and unhappy. I was on a busy road and saw a red light up ahead. My mind said, “Julie, you can just run that red light and a car will hit you and all will be taken care of!” These thoughts used to scare me a lot. I now know they’re a response to stress. When I told my friend Lani this story she said, “Well, your brain thought is was helping!”
So true. These thoughts are not real. They are manufactured by a bipolar brain. Don’t believe them.
If you are suicidal right now, you have options other than killing yourself.
#1 Say to yourself: I have bipolar disorder and suicidal thoughts are normal. Say it over and over again until you get help.
#2 Call anyone and do anything to get help and be honest when you talk to someone. “I’m suicidal and I need help.” You can walk directly to an ER and do this. Crisis lines are there to help. They know what they are doing. Call a friend.
#3 Don’t worry if you’re embarrassed. Better embarrassed than no longer on the planet.
When I’m suicidal, it’s always a sign that my meds are not working or that an event has happened to send me over the edge. I try to focus on fixing those things instead of listening to the suicidal thoughts. These suicidal thoughts are often the result of something you can definitely change. Once it is changed, you can get back to baseline. If you kill yourself over an event it’s not effective. It’s more effective to deal with the situation or leave it completely.
There are definitely situations where the bipolar is 100% responsible for the suicidal thoughts. Nothing has happened and there is no reason you should be so miserable. These suicidal thoughts have to be taken very seriously as your brain is really malfunctioning. This is when medications are 100% essential. Don’t hesitate to take meds.
Keeping yourself alive is all that matters when you’re suicidal. If you can’t do this for yourself-turn yourself over to someone who can.
Remember: No one stays suicidal all of the time. It ends.
If you had brain cancer you would ask for help with ease. Asking for help with suicidal bipolar thoughts is no different.
Julie
PS: I had my first suicidal episode at 19. I am now 48. It can be managed.
