Here is a fantastic testament to how a solid treatment plan with personal changes can make a difference with the illness. I have known Sandra and her comments on this site for quite a while and know that she has gone through many, many changes in the past year in order to reach this level of stability. It takes time to get better, but positive change is possible. I love hearing about it directly from readers!
Hi Julie,
Now that I’m on the right medications, I am able to answer yes to your questions. (See the blog entry below) Only a few months ago, I couldn’t answer yes to each question. Before, I wasn’t on any medication that addressed my bipolar symptoms, so I suspect that the antidepressants I was taking actually made my bipolar symptoms worse. (I learned that from you and was able to talk about this with my new psychiatrist, who agreed!)
Besides the new medication (Depakote), regular sleep patterns and medication compliance are essential to help me stay on track. I’ve also learned to take life at a more even pace; I think before all of these changes, I used to try to get too much done in too little time. For example, this year for Christmas I didn’t make all of the different types of cookies I’ve made in years past and no one has objected!
It also helps me to make a daily to-do list and prioritize what needs to be done. I think the medication changes have also helped me to slow down racing thinking so I can begin a project well in advance of its due date.
I haven’t overstretched my budget. This year, I told my family that I just could not afford Christmas gifts; I plan to start graduate school in January and money is tight right now. They all understood. Being able to get my budget in control and eliminate debt has helped me to relax more.
I think that’s it for now.
Sandra
(Sandra is correct- those with bipolar disorder should NEVER take antidepressants unless they are included with a mood stabilizer and or antipsychotic. Depakote is an anti mania drug that is in the classification of an anticonvulsant, though it is regularly called a mood stabilizer. It can take time to find the right medications- it took me many years, but it is very possible. Thanks to Sandra for giving us hope!)
I always approach this time of the year with caution. My wife and I have made a tradition to attend one of several Christmas Eve Services that my faith community makes available. We normally go out and get something to eat before attending church. With the weather being what it was, we arrived a church early and had time to spend with friends, several who knew what I was dealing with. My wife and I celebrated Christmas alone this year delaying going to a family Christmas event the following Sunday because of the road conditions. Both of my doctors always help me to prepare for this event. The weather helped to slow everything down, there was no hurry, it was relaxed.
Hey Julie!
I didn’t do so well this holiday season. I allowed myself to get caught up in making gifts for Christmas and then went a little overboard with my spending anyway (we all know this is bipolar code for really overboard – right?). Then in the days following Christmas I had a let down. Then yesterday I was super revved up at work and couldn’t sleep at night. Today I have been a major witch to my children which I feel very guilty over. They had cabin fever and I was trying to work at home. I’m trying a new medication to keep me alert during the days that I have sedation difficulties in an effort to get my license back – had an accident in August where I blacked out and sideswiped another vehicle on the highway – but the Nuvigil I think contributes to the irritability and I think may be contributing to the trouble sleeping. (I’ve tried taking a half and that doesn’t do a thing for the sedation) I’m really struggling and I find myself constantly rebelling against the enforced slow down. It feels like I’ve lost so much in the last year. I lost my license, can only work 25 hours a week (2 – 6 hour days in town and 13 hours at home), I have to be ruthless about my sleep which I was doing but it is becoming difficult again. Now that I’m working only 2 days a week at the office I’m even losing my office space (I know it has to happen that doesn’t change the way it feels). I feel like I’m being caged. I know my prescriber is working in my best interest but I just feel so trapped. If it were up to my psychiatric prescriber I wouldn’t drive again at all. The fact that I live an hour from town and work probably doesn’t help that – and moving really isn’t an option with a house, three kids in school (one with special needs), my dad living with us and my husband’s work 30 minutes in the opposite direction of mine. Thank goodness for my Dad driving me to work those two days a week for work. I’m sorry for the length of this but I’m just so overwhelmed and I loved the joy I felt doing things for Christmas but at the same time it was that over-the-top stuff that just perpetuates the cycle. I just wish I could get myself to give in and submit to what needs to be done to be stable but I just feel myself fighting it at every turn.
Thanks so much for all your input and work that goes into your books – someday I’ll hopefully be able to use it once I get myself to be serious. I’m caught feeling at this moment – hopeless – and in tears.
– Melissa –
Hello Melissa,
You are SO not alone in this. What you describe is what many of us with bipolar go through- the ups and downs of the illness combined with the medications can make life difficult- our sleep affects everything and our meds affect our sleep. We have to work to support ourselves, but the illness can make it hard to work. Etc.
I admire you for writing about it so eloquently. I have been in this type of situation many times- it’s what bipolar does to us. The only solution is to work around it- I often tell people it’s not fair- and they answer, ‘Of course it’s not fair Julie! Nothing is fair for anyone!”
I have learned to just keep quiet when I hear this as they can’t possibly understand that when a person with bipolar says life isn’t fair- we have a different perspective!
I hope I made you smile. You are a fighter. Your comments will help others see that they are not alone in the chaos that can come from mood swings.
The next step is to figure out exactly what you need to do in order to stay stable so that you can drive and work the hours you want to work and then be the parent you want to be. You are plenty serious in your questions and worries- so don’t be too hard on yourself. You are reading about the illness and moving forward. I applaud you in your efforts to find what works for you!
Julie
Julie
Melissa, I hear your frustration and wanted to share this with you. I have decided, today, actually about 5 minutes ago, to make a PLAN for NEXT Christmas! I, too, get caught up in all the baking, making, and gift buying and giving. I have decided that I am going to tell all my friends and some of our family to please not give me presents; and that I am going to give to people in real NEED. I am also going to limit the amount I spend on children,grandchildren etc. I already feel better!!! I have also decided that I’m not going to be the ‘make and bake’ queen anymore. Instead, I plan to spend TIME with family and just buy the goodies from someone else that can handle the stress! As far as sleep issues, I have dealt with those problems for 30 years. I find that even with the help of meds, I still don’t have a plan for my sleep patterns. I still get caught up in whatever is happening at the moment and I end up realizing that it is almost midnight! To make matters worse, I am a BIG night person. Mornings are just plain yuk! But, I have found that lack of sleep is my number ONE enemy with this illness. I hear you have a lot on your plate and a lot to be responsible for. So, I would encourage you to begin, AGAIN! You can do it! I haven’t even received the Health cards yet and I am already making some decisions just based on what I’m reading in Julie’s books and blog! Don’t give up! Thank you for being so open about your struggles.
Hey Julie & Bobbi!
Thanks so much for your kind words, understanding and support. Today looks better to me. I think I am going to devote some time this weekend to working on my health cards and getting serious about my plan for health. I already have a plan for the new year to start walking once a week with a friend after work and on the days I’m at home walking down the country road I live on.
– Melissa –
Good job, Melissa! I’m still waiting on my Health cards but I’m still trying to plan…but planning takes PREPARATION! And I usually just like to to do things the shortest route possible and get it over with! Totally NOT the approach that works or lasts in most everything in life. I’m noticing that I’m getting anxious waiting on the Cards and books. Hmm…. a patience problem, I think. Anyway, I just made the call to my walking friend and if that doesn’t work out, I have the treadmill that is collecting dust! So good job on your planning and thanks for the push to get me back to exercising!
~Bobbi~