This is my blog from 2007. Isn’t it amazing how this illness just keeps chugging along even when we do our best to stay stable! My depression is so much better, but I still have the tough days – the stunned days. I have to get out my drill sergeant pretty often!
From 2007: I woke up depressed. I was up a few nights ago so I’m obviously rapid cycling. I called a friend to tell her I was manic- this is part of my treatment plan- and she said, “Ok. What happens next?” I said, “Well, I feel so good right now, but I will probably go down. It always happens even though I never believe it will. I just have to look at the way it has been in the past.” Two days later I am down.
When I was sitting in my bed with what I call stunned depression- this is where I just sit and worry and can’t seem to move- I used my drill sergeant voice I talk about in Get it Done When You’re Depressed and I said, “Get up Julie. Get up and get on with your day. Get out of this bed!” And I did.
I feel better.
I don’t like bipolar disorder, but I’m glad I have a plan to keep me going. I may cry today and get upset at my life today- but it’s an illness and I have to remember that.
Julie
PS: Depression is an illness that can be managed. I never thought I would get so much better, but I have. If you are depressed right now, keep going! Find your inner drill sergeant and use it to get yourself out of the house so that you can feel better!
I have just broken up the love of my life. I could not keep up with the rapid cycling and mixed states anymore. I tried to get him to see his therapist, I talked to his family members for help. He told me I was psychotic for seeing the things in him that I saw. He would blame his moods and physical pain on me (his back hurt and he thought it was because of me). I love this beautiful man so much, and I could not get anyone to help me. I had to go to the extreme to get him help recently, and now our relationship is over…a price I pay to have him receive treatment. I am in great pain with out him, yet relieved that I won’t be going up and down with him anymore. All the love I gave to him could not help him until he decided to get help on his own… and he would not, so I made a situation that forced help, but I had to give him up to do that. I have cried for 3 weeks. My grief and pain is tremendous. Jack is the King of Hearts. I am so sorry I had to report him, but physicians have support for their own, and I know they make sure he gets care now. I am sorry my love, I love you too much to let you make more mistakes. Being with out you in my life is painful, but I know I did the right thing for you.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was pregnant with my son. He’ll be 4 years old next month. I’ve had about 1.5 years of treatment, and I get so frustrated. I just started a new job about a month ago. I push myself to be the best worker I can be, but when I get home I am too exhausted to do abything else. It really takes a lot of energy for me to work 6 – 8 hours. Everyday is a struggle for energy. I find that some days I get more done than others, and I feel bad when I have to leave tasks undone. I HATE it when someone has to go behind me to finish a job that I was assigned. I also go to school and homeschool my kids. Most days it’s all I can do to get the kids lessons done and go to work. My chores suffer, and here lately I have not had any focus whenit coms to my schoolwork. I’m going to bring this up to my psychistrist next time I see her, but do you have any recommendations for me?